The Privet Hedge
by J. E. Buckrose
The Privet Hedge
J. E. BUCKROSE
Chapter I. The
Chapter III. The
Chapter IV. The
Chapter V. The
Dance on the
The Height of
Chapter XI. The
Chapter XII. The
End of the Gala
Chapter XIV. The
Chapter XV. The
Chapter XIX. A
Chapter XXI. St.
On the Shore
Chapter I. The Cottage
At the far end of Thorhaven towards the north was a little square
house surrounded by a privet hedge. It had a green door under a sort of
wooden canopy with two flat windows on either side, and seemed to stand
there defying the rows and rows of terraces, avenues and meanish
semi-detached villas which were creeping up to it. Behind lay the flat
fields under a wide sky just as they had lain for centuries, with the
gulls screaming across them inland from the mud cliffs, and so the
cottage formed a sort of outpost, facing alone the hordes of
jerry-built houses which threatened to sweep on and surround it.
The ladies who lived at the Cottage had once been nicknamed the
Misses Canutewhich showed how plainly all this could be seen, as a
sort of symbol, by anyone in the least imaginative; though it was a
rather unsatisfactory curate from Manchester who actually gave them the
name. No one felt surprised when he afterwards offended his bishop and
went into the motor business, for he suffered from that constitutional
ability to take people as seriously as they wished to be taken, which
is so bad for any career.
Thus the curate departed, but his irreverence lived on after him for
quite a long time, because many people like a mild joke which every one
must see at oncewhich is ready-madeand for which they cannot be
held responsible. So this became for a little while the family jest of
Thorhaven, in no way spoiled by the fact that one sister had married a
man called Bradford and was now a widow, while the other retained the
The two ladies were walking together on this twenty-sixth of March,
by the side of the privet hedge which divided their garden from the
large field beyond and hid from them everything which they did not care
Miss Ethel's name was entirely unsuited to her, but she had received
it at a period when Ethels were as thick as blackberries in every
girls' school of any pretensions; and she was not in the very least
like any Miss Amelia out of a book, though she possessed an elder
sister and had reached fifty-five without getting married. On the
contrary, she carried her head with great assurance on her spare
shoulders, put her hair in curling pins each night as punctually as she
said her prayers, and wore a well-cut, shortish tweed skirt with
sensible shoes. Her face was thin and she had a delicately-shaped,
rather long nose, together with a charmingly-shaped mouth that had
grown compressed and lost its sweetness. A mole over her right eyebrow
accentuated her habit of twitching that side of her face a little when
she was nervous or excited.
But she was calm now, walking there with her sister, enjoying the
keen air warmed with sunshine which makes life on such a day in
Thorhaven sparkle with possibilities.
I'm glad, she said, that we decided not to clip the hedge. It has
grown up until it hides that odious Emerald Avenue entirely from the
I can still see it from my bedroom window all the same, said Mrs.
Don't look out of your window, then! retorted Miss Ethel sharply.
You take care of that, said Mrs. Bradford. You have made the
short blinds so high that I can scarcely see over them.
Do you want the people in those awful little houses to see you
undressing? demanded Miss Ethel.
They couldn'tnot unless they used a telescope or opera glasses,
said Mrs. Bradford. And she managed to convey, by some subtle inflexion
of voice and expressionthough she was a dull womanthat if you had
been married, you were not so pernickitty about such things; and,
finally, that if Emerald Avenue cared to go to that trouble it was
welcome, because she remained always invested with the mantle of Hymen.
As a matter of fact, she hadin a wayspent her life for some
years in echoing that romantic declaration of the lady in the play: I
have lived and loved. Only she had never said anything so vivid as
thatshe simply sat down on the fact for the rest of her life in a
sort of comatose triumph.
Her husband had been a short, weasely man of bilious temperament;
still, he sufficed; and his death at the end of two years from
whooping-cough only added to Mrs. Bradford's complacency. She came back
home again to the Cottage, feeling as immeasurably superior to her
unmarried sister as only a woman of that generation could feel, who had
found a husband while most of her female relatives remained spinsters.
She at once caused the late Mr. Bradford's photograph to be
enlargedthe one in profile where the eyebrows had been strengthened,
and the slight squint was of course invisibleand she referred to him
in conversation as such a fine intellectual-looking man. After a
while, she began to believe her own words more and more thoroughly, so
that at the end of ten years she would not have recognized him at all
had he appeared in the flesh.
At any rate, she remarked, our field won't be built over.
No, thank goodness! assented Miss Ethel emphatically, her left
eyebrow twitching a little. The Warringborns will never sell their
land, whatever other people do. I remember grandfather telling us how
he was ordered out of the room by old Squire Warringborn when he once
went to suggest buying this field. Oh, no; the Warringborns won't sell.
Not the least fear of that.
But she only talked in this way because she was afraidtrying to
keep her heart up, as she saw in her mind's eye that oncoming horde of
Before Mrs. Bradford could reply about the Warringborns, there came
a sound of voices in the great field which stretched park-like beyond
the privet hedge. Butcher Walker putting some sheep in, I expect,
said Mrs. Bradford. He has the lease of it now.
But even as she spoke, her heavy jaw dropped and she stood staring.
Miss Ethel swerved quickly round in the same direction, and her pale
eyes focused. Neither of them uttered a sound as they looked at the
square board which rose slowly above the privet hedge. They could not
see the pole on which it was supported from that position in the
garden, and so it appeared to them like a banner upheld by unseen
Well, said Mrs. Bradford at last, we mustn't clip the hedge this
year, that's all. Then
Hedge! cried Miss Ethel. What's the use of talking about the
hedge when our home is spoilt? Look! Read! She pointed to that square
object which flaunted now in all its glaring black and white newnessa
blot against the grey sky.
FOR THE ERECTION OF VILLAS AND BUNGALOWS
APPLY MESSRS. GLATT &WILSON
Miss Ethel could not have felt deeper dismay if the square notice
board on the pole had been indeed held aloft by the very Spirit of
Change itself, with streaming hair still all aflame from rushing too
closely past a bursting sun. Only those who hate change as she did
could ever understand her dismay.
We shall be driven out of our house. We shall have to leave, she
said, very pale. After all these years, we shall have to go. We
can't stand all their nasty little back ways!
Where are we to go to? said Mrs. Bradford. She paused a moment.
It's the same everywhere. Besides, the houses are not built yet.
There was nothing for them to do but to turn their backs on the
board and walk quietly away, filled with that aching home-sickness for
the quiet past which thousands of middle-aged people were feeling at
that moment all over Europe. Everything was so different, and the
knowledge of it gave to Miss Ethel a constant sense of exasperated
discomfort, like the ache of an internal disease which she could not
forget for a moment.
I expect, she said after a while, that Mrs. Graham will once more
tell us to let ourselves go with the tide and not worry. Thank God, I
never was a supine jelly-fish, and I can't start being one now.
She was talking about servants, said Mrs. Bradford, who was
troubled, but not so troubled, because she took things differently. I
expect she only meant we should never get another like Ellen; but we
can't expect to do so after having her for eleven years.
No. We are lucky to have Ellen's niece coming. But I wish she were
a little older, said Miss Ethel. Nineteen is very young.
Yes, replied Mrs. Bradford, letting the conversation drop, for she
was not very fond of talking. And in the silence they looked back; and
to both of them nineteen seemed a rather ridiculous and foolish
ageeven for a servant, who is supposed to be rather young.
Then Miss Ethel began againtalking on to try and banish the
insistent vision in her mind's eye of that square board over the privet
hedge, which she knew herself foolish to dwell upon. I wish Caroline
had not lived with Ellen's sister and gone out as a day-girl to that
little grocer's shop in the Avenue. I'm afraid that may have spoilt
her. But it is Caroline or nobody. We may want a sensible middle-aged
maid, but in these days it isn't what you wantit's what you can get.
Mrs. Bradford nodded; and again they felt all over them that
resentful home-sickness for the past.
One thingwe must begin as we mean to go on, said Miss Ethel. If
mistresses were only firmer there would never be such ridiculous
proceedings as one hears about; but they are so afraid of losing maids
that they put up with anything. No wonder the girls find this out and
cease to have any respect for them. Look at Mrs. Graham! A latch-key
allowed, and no caps or aprons. That's swimming with the tide, with a
There's no fear of Caroline wanting anything of that sort, said
Mrs. Bradford. Ellen's sister, Mrs. Creddle, is as steady as Ellen.
She'd need to be, with four children on her hands, and a husband
like one of those coco-nuts at Hull fair that have the husk partly left
on, said Miss Ethel. I never could understand how a nice-looking
girl, such as Mrs. Creddle was then, came to marry such a man.
Mrs. Bradford looked down at her fat hands and smiled a little,
seeming to see things in the matrimonial philosophy that no spinster
was likely to understand. Then after opening the door they both turned
again, from force of long habit, to look across the garden, and saw the
square board more plainly now than they had done when close under the
hedge. It stood there in the midst of the grass fieldas if it were
leading onwhile in the distance the wind from the east was blowing
the smoke like flags from the long row of chimney-tops in Emerald
At last Miss Ethel said with a sort of doubtful hopefulness, as if
keeping her courage up before those advancing hordes: Perhaps nobody
will want to buy the land there. Always heard it was boggy.
Mrs. Bradford shook her head silently and went in, followed by her
sister: in a world where all things were now odiously possible, one had
to take what came and make the best of it.
But Miss Ethel already experienced the faint beginning of a state of
suspense which was never to cease, day or night, though at times she
was not conscious of it. She fancied that every person who crossed the
field was an intending buyer, and woke with a start when the old
wardrobe gave the sudden pop! in the night to which she had been long
accustomed, thinking for the moment that she heard the first stroke of
a workman's hammer. In truth she was run down with doing most of the
work of the house since Ellen's departure to look after an invalid
mother, besides suffering from several severe colds during the winter,
so that the possibility of new houses being built close at hand had got
on her nerves, and gained an almost ridiculous importance.
She and her sister had thought, like so many others, that they could
escape change by living in one place, but it had followed them, as it
always inexorably does. Shut their eyes as they might, they had to see
neighbours leaving, neighbours dying. And even those who remained did
not continue the same. One day Miss Ethel was obliged to notice how
grey little Mrs. Baker at the newspaper shop was goingand that
brought to mind that she had been married thirty years come Christmas.
Thirty years! It seemed incredible that so much of life had slipped
almost imperceptibly away.
All the same, she ached to stand still. She simply could not
realize that perhaps some other generation would look back on hers as
she did on the past. One Saturday the following lines in the local
corner of the Thorhaven and County Weekly Budgetbetween an
advertisement of a new poultry food and a notice of a fine goat for
saledid express a little of her state of mind, though they were
written by a retired schoolmistress in the detested Emerald Avenue
The world is full of hurry and change,
And everything seems so new and strange;
But it's stranger still that one of these days
They'll call what we're doing, the dear old ways.
It remained incredible, whatever reason might tell her, that
anything more iconoclastic could be hidden in the womb of time than the
Warringborns selling their land and Mrs. Graham letting her maid go to
dances on the promenade, with a powdered face and a latch-key.
Chapter II. Caroline
The promenade at Thorhaven was reached by a short, wide street where
a wind blew always, even on the stillest days, and the hall in which
the young people of the little town danced weekly stood straight in
front of the approaching visitor, entirely blocking out the view and
the sea. Some people thought this must have happened by accident, but
others felt sure that some subtle brain on the Urban District Council
had correctly gauged what the cherished Visitorthe Council naturally
thought of him or her with a capital letterreally considered a most
important feature of an up-to-date seaside resort.
The hall itself was a glass erection, and it was in design so like
those miniature forcing-houses placed over cherished plants in a garden
border that no one with any imagination could avoid feeling momentarily
that it must have been placed there by some good-natured giantwell
disposed towards Thorhavenfor the express purpose of making the
Visitor come on during the seaside holiday.
At the entrance gate stood a sort of sentry-box where two girls sat
in turn from ten to ten. These girls were chosen by an optimistic
Committee who hoped they would possess amiability, endurance, and
particularly a gift for remembering faces: because the inhabitants of
Thorhaven felt that their promenade was first of all theirsand
that no assistant employed at the gate had a right not to know
them by sight when they entered the precincts for which their own rates
and taxes had paid. Thereforethough this led to occasional abuseit
was found necessary to municipal harmony to let inhabitants in on the
Two young ladies of blameless reputation who were supposed to
possess the required gifts had already been engaged for the season. One
had filled the post before, and another was new to the job but
promising. But time and love wait on the convenience of nonenot even
so important a body as the Thorhaven Amusements Committeeand girl
number one unexpectedly ran away with a ship's engineer, while girl
number two developed bronchial tendencies which made the pay-box
unsuitable. So there were none.
On this bleak, bright day at the end of March, the pay-box with the
wind howling round it did indeed look a bracing place to spend the day
in, nor was it by any means an object which any would be likely to
watch for five minutes at a stretch in a strong north-easter. But that
was exactly what a palish girl with freckles on her nose had been doing
for that length of time, and so intent was she on her own thoughts that
she held a loose strand of hair in her hand instead of tucking it under
her cap while she stood there with eyes fixed intently on the little
Her eyes were lighta greenish-grey flecked with goldbut they
were very bright with dark lashes and themselves appeared quite dark
when she was moved or excited. Nobody ever seemed to know what colour
they were, not even the young fellow with whom she had been going
ever since she left school, and she was generally considered in
Thorhaven to have brown eyes.
After some time she withdrew that eager gaze, swerved round as if on
a pivot, and started at a tremendous pace up the short, windy street
that led to the main road. I'll do it! she said to herselfyoung
lips tightly pressed, and nails biting into her palms even through her
gloves. I don't care what aunt says. It's my life, not hers. It's
nobody's business but my own.
At the corner she stood a moment, searching the long grey road that
led to the church. After a while she saw a cart in the distance laden
with parcels and boxes, and she began to run after it, calling as she
went: Hi! Mr. Willis! Mr. Willis! Please stop! I want my box back. I
don't want it taken to Miss Wilson's.
Mr. Willis pulled up and looked back over his shoulder. He had a
weather-beaten, humorous face and was very slow in his habit of speech.
Quarrelled with Miss Ethel before you get there? he said. That's a
bit quicker work than usual. Servant lasses generally let me get their
boxes over the doorstep before they want to come away, even nowadays.
Well, I don't mean to live servant with anybody, said Caroline,
frowning. I've changed my mind all of a sudden because I only heard of
another opening this morning. I never wanted to go to the Cottage; it
was all Aunt Creddle. She always promised I should, when I got to be
nineteen, and I didn't seem as if I could get out of it.
Well! He jerked the reins. Appears to me you might have spread
some of your thinking over the last four years instead of doing it all
since breakfast this morning. And he added over his shoulder: I'm to
leave your box at Mrs. Creddle's, as I come back, then?
Yes, please, said Caroline, fumbling with her purse.
Mr. Willis's face wrinkled up into many little lines and bosses as
he looked down at her running beside the cart, with her coppers held
out. No, no. Put it in your pocket. You told me to take your box to
Miss Wilson's. I don't want money for work I haven't done. Then he
whipped up the horse so that she could not keep pace with it.
She paused to take breath and stood looking after him, thinking it
was no wonder Dan Willis had never got on in the world; but she did not
know how many things in the world he enjoyed which people who must hunt
the last farthing all the time are obliged to miss. He was indeed a
happy bachelor, lodging over a little bread shop in the old part of the
village, and his sixty years sat lightly on him because he had always
found so much to see and to admire in the streets of Thorhaven.
But as Caroline turned to hurry down Emerald Avenue she immediately
forgot all about him, for in nearly every house some acquaintance was
making ready for the advent of the Visitoreither hanging curtains or
washing covers or standing furniture outside to beatand she could
have written a most valuable book entitled Hint to Lodging Seekers.
She possessed recondite, first-hand information, such as no outsider
can know; as, for instance, the more white mats, spotless covers and
antimacassars in April, the more stains and flies towards the end of
August. But fortunately for the few slatterns in Thorhaven, she did not
use her power.
Now she was racing in a whirl of emotion down Emerald Avenue and
round the next turn into Pearl Terrace, where her aunt Mrs. Creddle
lived. Strangers wondered to see the newer streets in Thorhaven all
named after precious stones, but the reason was simple enough. A member
of the Council had been inspired one warm June evening after three
bottles of ginger-beer to name the first of these red rows of houses
Cornelian Crescent. But that bold flight of fancy exhausted the
afflatus, and it seemed easier to go on to Sapphire Road than to think
of anything fresh. Nowafter a lapse of yearsThorhaven's city
fathers had begun to be proud of this street nomenclature, and to
believe they had meant it from the very first.
Number 10 Pearl Terrace was a house on the north side of the road,
and Caroline had been day-girl with the wife of a small grocer just
round the corner from the age of fifteen and a half to the present
time. Before she went there at eight and after her return at six, she
had helped Mrs. Creddle during the crises constantly recurring in a
family of four little girls under twelve years old. Indeed, as her aunt
said, she formed another example of good coming out of evilfor evil
it seemed, when the Creddles had been obliged to take in Caroline among
their increasing brood after the death of her father and mother.
Not that there had ever been any question about it. You couldn't
let the poor little lass go to the workhouse, said Mrs. Creddle when
anyone spoke to her on the subject. Bless you, we've never missed the
bit she used to eat before she began to make aught, and she's earned
her keep with us over and over again since then.
Mr. Creddle also expressed the same meaning, though in different
terms, when pals ventured with a smile to hint that he had lasses
enough under his roof without getting in any from outside. That's my
business, he would say. I don't see as anybody has a right to pass a
remark. I'd rather have four lasses than a red nose, anyway.
If the person addressed happened to possess the outward and visible
signs of alcoholic excess, so much the worse for himMr. Creddle was
touchy on the subject of his family and did not wish to please. His own
nose was slightly rubicund, but it was solely owing to the east winds
which constantly blew across it as he worked for the Council on the
long roads near the sea; for he was a sober man, and when he did have a
glass of beer on a Saturday night, he brought it home in a jug to share
with his wife.
For years, indeed, when the babies were arriving, that was their
only little festival from week's end to week's end. They would stand
the jug on the table, and Mrs. Creddle would bring out some freshly
baked pie; with thick crust above and below, and apples or currants
and sugar, or gooseberries inside; and with the house all clean for
Sunday, they would take their hour of ease late on Saturday night.
So Caroline had been brought up in an atmosphere of kindness, though
Mr. Creddle had once threatened to strap her if she ran about with the
lads again after dark. He had caught her racing with streaming hair
round some half-built houses in Emerald Avenue, among a party of boys
who ought to have been in bed, and his brief comments as he escorted
her home were Elizabethan and to the point. Oddly enough, they burnt
deeper into her mind than the whole of Mrs. Creddle's cautious advice.
All that, however, was long ago. Nowdemure and slimCaroline
would no more have thought of racing round half-built houses at night
than Mrs. Creddle herself. But she flung open the front door of Number
10 with the same certainty of warm interest she had always felt on
entering that house, for Mrs. Creddle might be put out, unhappy,
anxiousbut never coldly indifferent.
Aunt! called Caroline from the foot of the stairs in the excited
voice which she strove to keep calm.
Mrs. Creddle emerged from a bedroom, with her usual air of being a
little too warm, whatever the weather, and her clear-skinned, jolly
face a little perturbed. What's the matter, Carrie? You know Miss
Ethel's expecting you. You ought to be there by now.
Caroline drew back a pace, then let her missile fly. I aren't
But even in this stress of emotion she paused from force of habit to
correct her speechI'm not going to Miss Wilson's.
What! Mrs. Creddle came down the stairs with the peculiar buoyancy
of active stout people. I've just sent your box. Whatever are you
talking about, Carrie?
I met Mr. Brookhe's the one that has to do with the Amusements
Committee: and he said if I applied for Maggie Wake's job, I should get
it. They want somebody steady and respectable that knows how to
But you can't apply for it! said Mrs. Creddle, breathing sharply
as if from the impact of an actual blow. You've promised for years to
go to Miss Wilson's when Ellen left, and they've waited for you ever
since November. You can't behave like this to them now, Carrie.
I can understand your being tempted, but you can't do it. You promised
No, I didn't, said Caroline. I never promised anything. It was
you that promised for me. And I always hated the thought of living in,
and being tied up at nights in their old kitchen; only you and Aunt
Ellen fixed it all up when I was a kid, and I somehow never thought of
going against you. It seemed one of the things that had to belike
putting your hair up and such likebut I never wanted to do it my own
Well, you can't run back now, said Mrs. Creddle. After all that
Miss Ethel and Mrs. Bradford have done for us in the past, I should be
ashamed to think of such a thing. Why, this very dress I have on came
from Mrs. Bradford, and your blouse was made from a print skirt of Miss
Ethel's. And when you had whooping cough, they sent jelly and oranges
and I don't know what. I don't understand how you can want to behave so
badly to them, Carrie.
Oh, I've not forgotten all that! said Carrie, working herself up
into a defiant rage because she wanted to feel a counter-irritant to a
secret uneasiness which lurked at the bottom of her mind. But spare
food and old clothes ought not to buy a girl, body and soul. Anyway, I
price myself higher than that. I'm not going to sacrifice a job I
fancy, and thirty shillings a week, to be general servant to those two
old women, and that's flat.
But the ticket-collecting only lasts until the end of September,
urged Mrs. Creddle, flushed and perturbed. What shall you do then?
I don't know, said Caroline. I mean to learn typewriting and
shorthand somehow, and then I shall be a clerk.
Clerk indeed! cried Mrs. Creddle, losing her temper. And what
does that lead to, I should like to know? No girl clerk earns enough to
buy food and lodging such as you would get at Miss Wilson's. I don't
understand where the charm comes in, I'm sure, unless you want to be
considered a lady. But you aren't oneand you'll never be onethough
you do go out every morning and come back at night, and have a leather
bag and a powdered nose instead of a cap and apron.
Then I can tell you, said Caroline, pale and bright-eyed. The
charm is freedom. I'd starve before I'd ask permission to go to the
pillar-box, and spend my nights in that old kitchen by myself.
You know perfectly well that Miss Ethel would let you go out nearly
every night, ejaculated Mrs. Creddle. You're talking just for the
sake of talking. Then she suddenly began to cry. I can't bear for one
of mine to behave like thatand I've always looked on you as my own
child, she said, whimpering through a corner of her apron. I've been
poor all my life, but my word's been my bond. I never behaved shabby
nor dishonourable to anybody that I knows on.
I'm sorry, Aunt, said Caroline, flushing with distressful
impatience. But you have to think of yourself in these days, or get
left. It's the rule all over the world now. And if everybody did the
same, we should be all all right. Don't you see?
Mrs. Creddle shook her head. It might work out all right if the
pushing-est sort was always the best, she said. Then, after a pause,
she added, turning back towards the stairs: Well, you may go and tell
them yourself. I can't!
I don't want you to. I'm not afraid of those two old ladies, said
Caroline, if you are. So long!
But as she went down the terrace again, it was not her own brilliant
future which she saw before her mind's eye, but the desponding curve of
Mrs. Creddle's figure going upstairs again to finish the bedrooms.
Steadfastness, patience, endurancewithout being actually aware of it,
she saw those things embodied in that middle-aged woman's figure. Then
her own spirit revolted from the suggestion. Aunt doesn't understand,
she said, half aloud. You have to think of yourself first in
Such was her mood as she emerged from Emerald Avenue into the main
road, walked past the long field where the square board caught the eye
at once amid all that springing verdure, and entered the garden of the
Cottage. Immediately afterwards the front door opened and Miss Ethel
stepped briskly forth. Oh, there you are, Caroline. I am very pleased
to see you. I suppose Willis will be bringing your box shortly, but in
I aren't coming. I have only come to say I aren't coming,
interrupted Carolinethe measure of her disturbance shown by the fact
that she did not correct this lapse into the Holderness dialect. I'm
applying to be ticket collector on the promenade, she added, with a
sort of defiant rudeness in her tone. She sub-consciously wanted Miss
Ethel to be horrid, feeling that it would make the situation easier
to carry off with satisfaction to herself.
But Miss Ethel had been working since half-past six at unaccustomed
blacking of the kitchen stove and such-like tasks in order that the new
maid should see how things ought to be kept and maintain the same high
standard, and she was too utterly weary and disappointed now, to do
anything but reply with a very slight trembling of the lip: I think
you might have let me know before this, Caroline. For she felt that if
she let herself go, she might burst into ignoble, undignified tears
before this impertinent childshe, who never gave way even at a
wedding or a funeral.
Caroline's quick eyes, however, had caught that passing quiver of
the lips, and for one moment all her dreams of independence trembled in
the balance. She was feelingdeeply as even Mrs. Creddle could
wishthat she was behaving badly. Then Miss Ethel chanced to notice
Caroline's blouse, which was made from her own summer dress of twenty
years ago, and an irrepressible wave of hurt exasperation swept over
her, rousing her to active resentment. I must say I think you are
treating me abominably, Caroline. Surely your Aunt Creddle is not a
party to this? she said in her sharpest tone. And though she would not
have mentioned the blouse or any other benefit bestowed for the world,
some thought of it must have rushed along the taut wires between her
own mind and Caroline's, for the girl instantly flushed crimson and
became defiant again. So the wavering balance crashed down on the side
of the job on the promenade. Her whole future course, indeed, was
decided in that instant, just by a look and a tonethough neither was
aware of what had happened.
Aunt had no idea I was trying for the place on the prom. until this
morning, said Caroline quietly. She's very upset about it, and tried
her best to make me come to live with you after all, only I wouldn't.
Nobody can blame her.
Miss Ethel opened her lips to administer a rebuke; then she felt it
was no good and stood looking drearily in front of her. In so doing,
her glance fell on the square board over the privet hedge, and that
seemed somehow the visible sign of everything else that was happening
in her life. Everything was changed. Without another word she turned
back into the house, telling herself that it was of no use to fight
against change; but at the bottom of her soul, she knew she would
fight, so long as there was breath left in her.
Stop a minute, Miss Ethel, said Caroline. I am very sorry indeed
I couldn't let you know before, and I have nothing against you or the
place. It's only that I don't want to be a servant at all. Everybody
must do the best they can for themselves in these days.
I understand that you are like the rest of them. You want to go
gadding about every night, no doubt, said Miss Ethel.
And if I do? said Caroline. Where's the harm in it? Of course I
want my freedom, Miss Ethel. We all do. That's why there aren't any
servants to be had. You're free yourself and always have been. That's
why you don't understand.
Miss Ethel felt a groping thought in the back of her mind.
Shefree! The long chain seemed to rattle through the empty years
since childhood as she paused, though she thought she only heard the
wind in the branches. Oh, well; I suppose it is no use my saying any
more. I trust for Mrs. Creddle's sake that you may be successful in
your new employment. Good morning.
But in going over the threshold she swayed a little, because she had
one of her bilious headaches and had eaten nothing since rising. Those
headaches had been a feature of the establishment ever since Caroline
would remember, and she recalled Aunt Ellen arraying a spotless tray
in the kitchen while she herself sat eating gingerbread by the table.
So all the kindnesses she had experienced in that house came back to
war with this new spirit of prickly independence, and as she was
fundamentally good-natured, she felt impelled to say impulsively: Miss
Ethel, I'll tell you what I could do. I might sleep here for a week or
two and light the fire, and get breakfast ready and do any odd jobs for
you. I should have time for that before I went out. One fortnight in
the month I should only act as supply during meal hoursand that will
leave me a lot of time during the day. I'll be glad to come and do that
for my board and lodging, if you like: I'm not a big eater. Only I must
have my nights free and no fixed time for getting in, of course.
Miss Ethel put her hand to her swimming head. Even in this extremity
she could hardly bring herself to consider such a proposal. But the
thought of washing up those greasy dishes after lunch was so
intolerable that everything else faded into the background, and she had
to humiliate herself for the sake of necessity. Very well, she said
faintly. I shall be glad to accept your offer for the time being. We
will talk about the remuneration later, but I think you can trust Mrs.
Bradford and myself not to treat you unfairly.
I'm not afraid of that, said Caroline, half ashamed: still she had
to have it clear about her freedom. You do understand about the
evenings, though? Because I may want to go with Wilfhe's my friend,
you knowto one of those dances on the prom., and then I shouldn't be
back until after twelve.
Yes, I understand, said Miss Ethel. I'm much obliged to you, she
forced herself to add, trying to rise above the dizziness which made
her unable to think clearly.
Then I'll be off and see if I can catch Willis with my box, said
Caroline, hurrying away down the path.
Miss Ethel watched her go, wondering in a heavy sort of way if the
girl would come back. It would not be in the least surprising if she
failed to do so. Well, you could only take things as they came. Nothing
was as it used to be. You couldn't calculate at all on what would
happen in this strange new world. . . .
Caroline, hastening down the road, had the same thought; but to her
it brought a glorious sense of fresh vistas opening, of splendid
conflicts in which she and her sort were bound to be victoriousshe
saw already a sun rising which would really warm rich and poor alike,
and would make every one in the end happy and good.
No wonder Mr. Willis smiled at her when she went flying after him
once more, all wind-blown hair and eyes a-shine; but he pulled up with
a pretence of grumpiness, saying over his shoulder: Well, what is it
now? Have you rued throwing up your place?
No; I'm only going to help them a bit until they get a girl. You
can't help being sorry for Miss Ethel.
I'm to take your box on to the Cottage after all, then? he said in
a teasing way. Well, well, it's a queer thing how women like to change
their minds. I expect they're made so.
I'm not, said Caroline. I knew my own mind right enough: only I
couldn't leave Miss Ethel with one of her bad headaches and nobody to
do a thing for her. You'd be the first to blame me.
But he had whipped up his horse before she finished her sentence,
and was already rattling away in the direction of the Cottage.
Chapter III. The Promenade
Pale blue sky with scudding cloudsa dun sea dappled with pale
silverand that intense greyish-white light on promenade,
bleak-fronted houses and sparsely scattered visitors, which always
makes everything so distinct as to seem unreal on such a day in
Thorhavenlike an old copper-print.
As Caroline sat in her pay-box at the gate of the promenade, she had
plenty of time to note these atmospheric conditions, but she only felt
them. That grey, clear, windy brightness was mingled for all the rest
of her life with what was to happen during the months between this
morning and the end of September, when the job would be over. But now
she was entirely immersed in her ticket issuing, when there was any to
do, and in feeling excited and self-conscious and important when there
was not. Book, pencil, pile of tickets were all meticulously ready, and
she would not put her window down for a moment despite the north-east
wind which swept round the little shelter.
But so early in the season there was scarcely a person to be seen
about on the broad, grey stretch of the promenade, and the gardener's
back as he worked hard at bedding out plants, looked in some way as if
it still belonged to the easy-shirt-sleeved winter time, when Thorhaven
was not expecting visitors. At last a little brisk woman with a neat
figure came up to the turnstile, and Caroline greeted her with just
that surprising warmth shown to casual acquaintances by stall-holders
at a bazaar. A season-ticket? Certainly. A pity not to get all the
good out of it you can. Some people silly enough to wait until the
season is half over and then pay just the same But the woman
appreciated this cordiality at its true worth and was unresponsive. So
you've got the job. They'd be sorry to part with Maggie. Then pursing
her lips, she placed her season ticket in her purse, and said with
condescending asperity: I want to go through, please.
So Caroline, thus reminded, hastily released the turnstile with her
knee from within, and felt momentarily abashed. After a while, however,
a solitary visitor approached the little window, and she was doubly
brisk and official to make up for it.
Day-ticket? But are you staying a week? If so, you'll find it much
more to your advantage Until the visitor, who did not really want
a weekly ticket at all, but happened to be of that ever-growing class
which is cowed at once by any sign of bureaucratic authority, did as
But little by little this first eagerness wore off, and by the time
she returned from the tea intervalduring which her place had been
taken by the girl who acted as supplyshe had already begun to show
faint beginnings of the slightly contemptuous, detached air of the
official. She was pleasant still, but as a favour, and with the whole
power of the Thorhaven Council at her back Three in family, I think? I
suppose you take one for Mildred? And she expected Mrs. Creddle's
neighbour to feel a little flattered by her remembering the size of the
But though justly irritated by that Three in family, I thinkwhen
Caroline had pulled pigtails with Mildred only yesterday, as it
werethe good woman was actually pleased when Caroline held up a
stout person in a fur coat and a motor veil to add pleasantly: I
suppose you are expecting visitors this week? Which remark is the
recognized conversational small change in Thorhaven, during spring and
summer, scarcely more personal than the Fine day! of the country
labourers who live in the still untouched country beyond the Cottage.
But if Mrs. Creddle's neighbour said to herself that Caroline would
soon be too big for her boots, there remained a slight glow of
satisfaction in being acknowledged as an old acquaintance while an
affluent person from a car was kept waiting. It is therefore not
surprising that Wilfred Ball felt the same glow greatly intensified
when he strolled up to the pay-box, twirling his walking-stick, to take
his stand near by as the future proprietor of the girl inside. Perhaps
the young husband of a great prima donna may feel nearly as
sophisticated and proud and in it when he strolls carelessly into the
dressing-room where the bouquets of admirers overflow upon the
floorbut this is scarcely likely, for he would not have the morning
freshness still on him of a life spent so far between Thorhaven and
Every now and then he took a little walk up and down the promenade,
either alone or with a casual acquaintance, but he soon returned to
enjoy close at hand this epoch-making evening. For now, he felt, there
was nothing that could keep the Wilfred Balls back from those pinnacles
of affluence which a combination of the more easily assimilated comic
papers and articles on Self-Help had enabled him to envisage: Self-Help
kind showing how a poor man might grow rich, and the comic papers how
he might spend his money when he got it.
As the wife of a wealthy man, Caroline would be All Right. He had
had his doubts before, at times, because he really felt it was a
come-down for a young fellow in a seed-merchant's office to be engaged
to a servant. And remorse had something to do now with his ardour,
because he really had begun to wonder if he could keep on with it,
when Caroline was a true servant, living in, like the little maids all
up and down the new streets. He had seen himself standing at a corner
waiting for her under a lamp-post on her nights out, and had found his
Still, she was Carolineand they had gone together ever since the
time when he first perceived that a girl was as necessary to man's
estate as a dressy lounge suit and a Homburg hat. He did not like to
behave badly to her. And now he had been rewarded. He had achieved the
difficult feat mentioned in those articles he so casually read in the
train, of keeping one eye on the main chance and the other on the
example of Sir Galahad. Now he was still engaged to somebody who took
tickets on the prom. and was a young ladyand was yet Caroline. No
wonder he stood and beamed, and walked away and twirled his stick and
cocked his hat, and then came back and beamed again.
Other youths of her acquaintance, or enterprising strangers going
through the barrier, had to content themselves with a Good evening,
miss, or at most some more or less dashing remark about the weather;
but he was the one to help her on with her coat when the
brilliant shades of blue and yellow on the sentry-box had faded into
grey: it was his privilege to walk her off with a hand through
her arm, feeling sure that the three elderly spinsters and the one
middle-aged gentleman who chanced to be about just there wondered who
that gay dog was, and thought him no end of a fellow.
Well, Carrie, how did you like it? he said as they went along.
Oh, it was all right, said Caroline in an off-handed fashionbut
she also had an elated consciousness of being important, and did not
care a bit though her feet were stone-cold from sitting still in the
So talking eagerly, they went down the main road until the last
avenue was left behind and the loneliness of stars and sea-wind fronted
them. Only one light glimmered above the privet hedge from an upper
room in the Cottage.
At the gate they stopped to kiss and say good night as usual, but
the excitement of a new experience had stirred Caroline's emotions, and
Wilf's pride in her had also roused the possessive instinct in him, so
that the kiss they exchanged was a little different from the almost
passionless salute to which they had long grown accustomed. Wilf's eyes
shone and Caroline's cheeks were flushed when they drew back from each
other. She began to speak quickly, nervously. Well, so long! They'll
think I'm never coming.
Here! Hold on a minute. He caught her round the waist. I say,
Carrie, it's rotten you having to go in, and me stopping outside. I
wish you'd never promised to.
It wouldn't have made any difference if I had been staying at Uncle
Creddle's. They wouldn't want company at this time of night, she
answered, peering up at him uneasily through the starry twilight.
Carrie! He held her closer, his thin, boyish arms trembling a
little. I wish to goodness we could have a home of our own. There's
some houses going to be built in that field there. I wish we could
apply for one of them.
Well, we can't, said Caroline, touched by some wistful tone in the
lad's voice to a deeper tenderness for him than she had hitherto known.
We have nothing to get married on. People would only laugh at us.
But you wish it, same as me, Carrie? If I was one of them rich
young chaps that can plank down the money for a half-year's rent and a
mahog'ny suite, like I do for a packet of cigs., you'd be ready to get
It was the first time they had seriously talked of marriage, though
they had been going together ever since Caroline knew that a 'boy'
was as essential to her grown-up panoply as hairpins, and she felt
something indefinable at the back of her mind which was not pleasure;
and yet it was not fear She turned from her own emotions with a
sort of relief. Goodness! There's the church clock striking a quarter
to eleven. We must have been three-quarters of an hour coming from the
prom. here. I know Miss Ethel goes to bed at ten, and she'll have been
sitting up for me.
Never mind. You're only stopping to oblige. They ought to be jolly
thankful to you, whatever time you turn up, babbled Wilfall
impatient excitement. Carrie, just one more. I must
He clung to her, then let her go. She ran up the path towards the
house while he stood there, listening to her footsteps and yet
restraining himself from following her, as a matter of course. For the
idea of running after her and holding her in his arms by force, as he
wanted to do, simply never entered his mind. Despite that dark lane and
the evening hour, the chivalry of the ordinary decent Anglo-Saxon
manwhich some races are unable to understandstood like a sentinel
at the door of his desires.
Caroline entered the door of the Cottage in a state of hurry and
excitement; but the empty kitchen seemed to act on it like a sort of
emotional cold douche. The varnished walls, the neatly set chairs, the
clock ticking so loudly above the mantel-shelf, all seemed somehow
unnatural, with the unnaturalness of empty houses where steps go
echoingechoingthough nobody is there.
She hastily put the kettle on the gas-ring, then prepared a glass
for Miss Ethel's hot water and two cups for Mrs. Bradford's cocoa and
her own. But as the water would not boil all at once she stood there
watching the little blue and yellowish flames of that unsatisfactory
Thorhaven gas splutter under the kettle. All sorts of thoughts went
scurrying about her mind as the clock measured the secondstick-tock!
tick-tock!over her head.
How silly of Wilf to begin to talk about marrying at all. But, of
course, if you were engagedonly she and Wilf weren't engaged. They'd
been going together, of course, but she had no ring. She had never
considered herself really engaged. Neither had Aunt Creddle
But the kettle suddenly boiled over, so she filled the glass and the
cups, and hurried off with the tray, her head still so full of her own
engrossing thoughts that she did not become aware that visitors were
present until she was well inside the room.
Oh, Caroline, you can just put the tray down on the round table,
said Miss Ethel, high and cool. It was plain that she thought the hour
very late, and that Caroline's red cheeks, disordered hair and hat
rakishly on one side did not please her.
Caroline's face became still more flushed and she flung up her head
as she crossed the room, then put down the tray with a considerable
clatter. But the clatter was unintentionalthough Miss Ethel would not
have believed thisand was due to a small piece of needlework on the
table which caused the cup and glass to stand unevenly on the tray.
Caroline heard the sharp indrawing of Miss Ethel's breath on the way to
the door, and her whole being was in a prickly heat of defiance and
embarrassmentOnly wait until to-morrow morning! To-morrow morning,
they would just hear about it. They might look somewhere else for a
girl who would let herself be spoken to as if she was something
unpleasant that crawled
But through the fiery mist that seemed to blind her as she
re-crossed the room, she heard another voice speaking: Good evening,
Miss Raby. How did you like your first day at the promenade?
It was a lovely voice, clear yet mellow, and Caroline, despite all
her anger and wounded pride, felt obliged to answer civilly: Oh, I
liked it all right, Miss Temple, thank you.
The door closed; there was a pause while Caroline's high heels
clacked faintly across the tiled floor of the hall, and then a sound
burst forth like the sudden chattering of rooks when they are startled
in their nests by a shot fired close at hand.
Well, I never! Coming in at a quarter to eleven and taking that
attitude! said Mrs. Bradford, in her heavy wheezy contralto.
It's the same in everything. The world's upside down, jerked out
Miss Ethel, flushed and tight-lipped. Oh, we little knew what a lovely
world we lived in twenty years ago. We took it all for granted. Good
servants: low prices. People knowing their duty.
Did they, though? said Laura Temple. I think it must have been
perfectly horrid to be a maid-servant in those days. Only out one night
a week, and once on Sunday at most, and kept as close during the rest
of the time as if you were in a nunnery.
They were happy, though, said Miss Ethel. Happier, I think, than
these girls are now. Look at Ellen! Wasn't she the picture of content?
Then Mrs. Graham's high voice shrilled across the buzz of talk.
Mine actually wears silk stockings on her evenings outsilk
What I say, boomed Mr. Graham soothingly, best make up your minds
to let things go. You can't alter them. My wife here worked herself up
into such a state of nerves during the war that she had to take bromide
for months, and I'm not going to let that happen again. I don't allow
any discussion of national difficulties, either at home or abroad. We
read the head-lines in the newspaper so that we know what has actually
happened, and we leave other people's speculations about things alone.
Only way to go on living with any comfort.
Mrs. Graham looked across at her husband with affection, and
murmured aside to Laura Temple: It is really on Arthur's account that
we have banned discussion on strikes and Ireland and so on. He gets
indigestion if he dwells on painful topics. So I just make things as
comfortable as I can in our own house, and let the world take care of
itself. A wife's first duty is to make her husband happy, as you will
find out before long, my dear.
Laura smiled back at Mrs. Graham, with the colour deepening a shade
under the soft brown eyes which exactly matched her voice.
There's no idea of our being married yet, Mrs. Graham, she said.
For one thing, our house will not be ready for some time. But behind
her quiet words she was saying to herself that never, never would she
and Godfrey emulate Mr. and Mrs. Graham's system of guarding the common
existence from anything found disturbing to comfort, with a tame good
conscience ready to call it conjugal devotion.
I expected to see Mr. Wilson with you to-night, murmured Mrs.
Graham: then she leaned nearer to Laura and said in a still lower tone:
I suppose he is in disgrace here for being the agent for the sale of
that field beyond the privet hedge?
Yes. They think he might somehow have avoided selling it because he
is a connection of theirs, replied Laura. But the Warringborns would
only have taken their business to another firm, of course. Godfrey says
a man must look after himself in these days. You can't afford to offend
a valuable client for the sake of a second cousin.
Ridiculous! said Mrs. Graham. Then she paused a moment until her
husband's voice again made confidences possible. Oh, they will get
used to the idea of houses being built there in time. Look how
disturbed they were about Emerald Avenue when it was first started.
Yes. Laura paused, her charming, irregular face with its creamy
complexion and frame of brown wavy hair turned to the speaker, and her
broad forehead wrinkled a little, as it was when she was puzzled or
perturbed. But I really am sorry for them now. You see, the privet
hedge hid all those streets from the garden. They could forget there
were any there. Now they won't be able to forget. She paused. I
simply daren't tell them who has bought Thorhaven Hall. I know it gave
even me a shock, because I always used to feel an awed sensationthe
sort you have going into a strange church or a museum when you are
littlewhenever I called at the Hall. It was so dark and big and
quiet, and the old butler took your name as if you were at a funeral,
and ought to be awfully honoured to have been asked to attend. I simply
can't imagine the Perritt's there.
Mrs. Graham rose. Oh, I believe the Perritt children are very
sweet. And there is something rather nice about Mrs. Perritt, I'm
Miss Ethel looked across the room, and it was evident that she heard
the last remark, for she said in a dry tone: Lots of people would
discover something sweet about me if I came into ten thousand a year;
nothing like money for enabling the eye to detect hidden charms.
Mrs. Graham laughed somewhat uneasily. How amusing you are, Miss
Ethel! I often tell Arthur it is quite refreshing to have a chat with
you. But for all that, she began to move towards the door.
Laura also rose, and it could be now seen that her tall figure was a
trifle angular and immature, and must remain so, for she was already
twenty-eight years old. I will come as far as your house, Mrs.
Graham, she said. Godfrey promised to call for me there.
Well! No good crying over spilt milk, said Mr. Graham, standing
and shaking down his trousersafter a habit he hadwith his hands in
his pockets. Things will never be the same again in our day, Miss
No. Mrs. Bradford, who had been silent, as she often was,
unexpectedly entered the conversation, saying in her heavy voice:
Things will never be the same again. And a brief silence followed her
words. You could fancy them echoing in every heart there.
I remember getting oranges twelve a penny in Flodmouth, continued
Mrs. Bradford, stirred to unwonted intellectual effort. Twelve a
penny! Perhaps you don't believe me, but I did.
No one taking up the gage which Mrs. Bradford thus threw down, the
guests said farewell and then went out into the starlight.
As they walked along, all Laura's thoughts were about the lover
waiting for her; but Mr. and Mrs. Graham could not get rid of that
slight sense of inward discomfortstirred afresh by Mrs. Bradford's
first remarkwhich many middle-aged people experience as a result of
Fate's ruthlessly quick forcing of new wine into old bottles.
As they passed the new streets there was an odd light here and there
in the shadowy rows of houses, and when they turned the corner the
sea-wind was full in their faces. The glass roof of the Promenade Hall
glimmered faintly under the immense sweep of starlit sky, and the quiet
waves drew awayC-raunch! C-r-raunch!from the piece of gravelled
shore which the tide had reached. The good-sized, semi-detached houses
built in a row opposite the promenade stood all so black and lifeless
that Mr. Graham's click of the iron gate sounded quite roistering on
the still night. Then the front door opened and light streamed out,
illuminating the figure of a man of medium height, rather stockily
built, who came quickly down the little path, calling out as he
approached: I'd almost given you up, Laura. I should have fetched you
from the Cottage, only I thought the old girls would cut up rough. I
suppose they haven't forgiven me for that notice board yet? They think
I'm a low fellow, I know.
No, no, said Laura, smiling. A man with the Wilson blood in his
veins couldn't be really low, Godfreyonly misguided. You know they
think even a bad Wilson must after all be slightly better at the bottom
than other people.
Jolly good theory, he said, throwing out his broad chest and
laughing down at his lady, who had slipped her hand through his arm. I
hope they converted you.
Then they all laughedthough there was nothing at all amusing in
his remarksimply because he was so sure of himself and seemed to
expect it, Laura glanced up at his large-featured face with soft brown
eyes full of admiring affection, and the scar on his cheek from a
shrapnel wound still had power to move her. For he had done
splendidly in the war, enlisting in 1915 and showing marked courage,
though his very highly-developed instinct for self-preservation had
enabled him to escape dangers where some men might have been caught. No
wonder that as Laura stood there with her hand through his strong arm,
she thrilled to the certainty that he would break with ease through
every obstacle in life, both for himself and her.
I'm sorry to have kept you so long, she said. But I think we have
fixed up everything about the Fête for the Women's Convalescent Home
now. We are so short of funds that we must do something.
Yes, said Mr. Graham, the people who used to support it haven't
the money to give any longer; and those who have it, won't give, I
Oh, don't let us start that all over again, said Mrs. Graham.
Arthur, you will take cold standing here in the night air. Laura,
won't you come in for a few minutes?
But Laura had no desire to share that cosy half-hour by the fire
during which Mr. Graham would press his Lizzie to pile on coal and put
more sugar in her cocoa for the good of her health, and she would press
him to take a little whisky and hot waterin spite of the high
pricefor the same reason.
Chapter IV. The Three Men
Miss Ethel glanced out of the bedroom window next morning as she was
opening it more widely, and suddenly, as she looked, every muscle
stiffened. What were those three men doing a few yards beyond the
privet hedge? But her reason refused to let in the thought that
followed. It was preposterous to imagine they would start building
there first, with all the field to choose from. Besides, she had never
heard of the land being soldthe board was still in its place. Of
course, if the land had been sold, the board would have been removed.
She knelt down to say her prayers, beginning with the very same
which she used to repeat when she was a little girl by her mother's
knee: only the numbers of near relatives then mentioned by name had
since dwindled, one by one, as they passed over that bridge from life
to eternal life. Then Our Fatherbut the thought of the three men
came in between, and she found herself saying Amen without having
prayed at all. Then she started over again. Thy kingdom come. But her
mind shot away at once from that image of divine order to the unrest by
which she was troubled. Pictures of strikesstaring headlinesthese
crowded in upon her as she knelt, and she rose from her knees still
without having really prayed to God.
Then she came downstairs to breakfast to find that Caroline had
cleaned the room and had set the breakfast with a certain daintiness,
while leaving dust thick on the corners of the floor and under the
clock on the mantel-piece. Still, it was such a relief not to have to
get up and prepare the breakfast and light the fire that Miss Ethel
tried to forget the dust. Of course, after Caroline had gone out, she
could go round with a brush and duster, but it was a great rest in the
meantime not to start the day with tasks too arduous for her strength
and her unaccustomed muscles.
Mrs. Bradford, however, who never felt able to help in the
house-work herself, owing to something obscure about the legs, would
persist in talking all breakfast time about the dust and Caroline's
other shortcomings. Never know when you have her. This week she is
eating at all sorts of hours because she has to go to the promenade and
free the other girl at meal times; then next week she will be here at
meals only. It is your affair, Ethel. When I came back I let you go on
doing the housekeeping, though I am a married woman. But I know when I
had a house to manage myself, I should never have put up with such
It's all very well to talk. Neither should I, five years ago,
retorted Miss Ethel. In fact, I should not do so now if there were any
alternative. But you know perfectly well that we could not afford to
keep a good maid at the present rate of wages, even if we could get
Mrs. Bradford contented herself with peering irritatingly through
her spectacles at the dusty places after that, because Miss Ethel's
statement admitted of no argument; for Mr. Bradford left his widow the
honour and glory of the conjugal state and practically nothing more
tangible. But to Miss Ethel's generation the mere fact of being married
meant more than the present one can understand, and she was accustomed
to acquiesce in her sister's air of heavy superiority, though she knew
herself to be much the more intelligent of the two.
Still her temper felt so rasped as she went out into the kitchen
carrying a tray of crockery that she was in no mood to receive kindly
any more new suggestions made to her, and when Caroline asked for a
latch-key as a matter of course, she replied stiffly: I'm sorry, but I
could not think of such a thing, Caroline. I must say I rather wonder
at your asking it. Your aunt Ellen
Aunt Ellen lived in different times, said Caroline, flushing and
throwing up her head. I am going to a dance with my boy at the
Promenade Hall, and it doesn't finish till twelve. I didn't want you to
sit up so late for me, that was all.
Miss Ethel also flushed a little on her thin cheekbones, while the
left side of her face twitched a little as it did when she was
agitated; but that was all the sign she gave of the tumult of
irritation, impatience and hurt pride which surged within her. That
Ellen's niece should dare to speak to her like that! Still, she knew
that she was worn out and could not go on doing all the work of the
house, and they would never get anyone else to help them who would be
as cheap and respectable as Caroline; so she must put up with it. By a
great effort, she managed to control her temper and to say, almost
agreeably: Does Mrs. Creddle know you are going to this dance with a
Of course she does, said Caroline, still rather defiant. I'm not
ashamed of it. There's nothing between me and Wilf that I should want
to hide from Aunt Creddle.
For without knowing it, Miss Ethel had touched upon a delicate point
which Caroline was far more sensitive about than Laurafor
instancewould have been; because girls of Caroline's sort have to
guard their chastity themselves, while those like Laura are careless,
because it has always been guarded for them by somebody else. Still
Miss Ethel saw that Caroline was offended, so added after a pause: If
Mrs. Creddle approves of your going, of course it is not my affair. But
you must see for yourself that I could not let a girl under my roof
stay out until midnight without asking the question. That would be fair
neither to you nor to myself.
No, muttered Caroline. I didn't mean anything either. Only it has
been such aa rotten thing in the past for every one to think that
servant girls must be misbehaving themselves if they stopped out after
They often were, said Miss Ethel grimly. Because if they weren't,
they remembered it was time to come in and came. But here is your
latch-key. And she went out of the kitchen, not daring to trust
herself to say any more for fear she should offend Caroline and be left
without any help in the house.
But she suffered an almost physical ache from the readjustment of
her behaviour to the changed conditions of life as she went upstairs to
her bedroom. It was constantly happening like thatthere was no time
for the irritation to subside before something roused it again. And
Miss Ethel took no comfort from the fact that all over the world people
were more or less suffering in the same way, because she only vaguely
realized that this was so.
She knew, however, that she felt humiliated as she handed over the
latch-key to Caroline, contrary to all her own principles, just before
the girl went out to collect tickets on the promenade during the dinner
The morning was cold for the first week in June, but a brief spell
of August weather in May had acted as a bait to the visitors that
Thorhaven lived on now, just as it used to live on the crabs and
mackerel and codling and shrimps caught in the bay. But that time was
so entirely over and done with that there were not enough real
fishermen left to man the lifeboat, and the smell of fish and brine had
departed, even from the narrow alleys in the old part of the town where
it had been for hundreds of years. Now the owners of the smallest and
most inconvenient cottages hung clean curtains, put To Let, Furnished
bills in the windows, and went off to camp in booths, tents, out-houses
or in any place where they could find shelter.
So this morning, though it was still so early in the year, provident
mothers with little children, and others bent on a cheaper holiday than
August could afford, were walking in light dresses about the roads,
emerging gaily from little front gates, clustering round the little
bright shops with their piles of fruit and cakes and sweets. It was a
bright-coloured company that Caroline saw about the streets as she went
along the road towards the familiar row of yellowish-red houses where
the Creddles lived.
Mrs. Creddle was ironing, and she looked up from the board almost in
tears as her niece entered the kitchen. Oh, Carrie, she began at
once, I thought you'd be coming. I am in such a way. I don't know
whatever you'll say to me, but I've burnt a great place on the front
width of your dress. I was pressing it out, because you'd got it all
crumpled up in your drawer upstairs, and then Winnie tumbled down on
the fender and made her nose bleed. You never saw such a sight. So
somehow in my fluster I left the iron on the dress. I can't think how I
ever came to do such a thing.
Caroline looked from the burnt front breadth to Mrs. Creddle's
agitated face and said nothing. Her disappointment was so great that
she must have told Aunt Creddle off if she had opened her lips, and
she did not want to do that, because she could see the poor woman was
distressed enough already.
Oh, well; never fret! she managed to say at last. Plenty more
dances before I'm dead. We won't make a trouble about this one.
But I do, said Mrs. Creddle, dissolving into tears at this kindly
address. Methat always wants you to enjoy yourself while you canto
have gone and spoilt your only party dress! I could hit myself, I
could, if it would do any good.
Upon this little Winnie, still tearful from past sorrows, began to
cry loudly again. You shan't hit yourself, Mummy. I won't let you hit
Here! said Caroline, putting a parcel down on the table. I got
some kippers as I came past the fish shop. I know Uncle Creddle fancies
one with his tea.
You shouldn't have done that, Carrie, said Mrs. Creddle, wiping
her eyes. Kippers is dear nowadays, and I'm sure you have plenty to do
with your money.
Nonsense! said Caroline. I'm rolling in riches. You see my keep
costs me nothing, and I have all I earn to spend. She went towards the
door, saying over her shoulder: Now, don't you worry about the dress.
I can easily get another, and you may cut this up into a Sunday frock
That I never shall began Mrs. Creddle: then her round face
became suddenly illuminated. Why, yes, so I will. And then you can
have the one Miss Temple gave me to make into something for the
children. It's a queer sort of colourneither red nor yellowbut it
looks all right by night. She said Mr. Wilson didn't like to see her in
it. Of course, she's bigger than you, but they wear things so short and
loose nowadays that I dare say if I hem the bottom up it will be all
right. My word, I am glad I thought of it. I hate keeping you away from
Caroline paused on the threshold. I don't like wearing other
people's clothes, she said doubtfully.
No; but Miss Temple's different. She gives things with such a good
heart and she never talks about what she does. I can't see that you
need mind her, urged Mrs. Creddle. There's no time to get another
dress. It's that, or stopping away from the dance.
Still Caroline hesitated, standing there on the blue linoleum with
the bright light shining through the open door on her face. Oh! all
right, she exclaimed finally, then glanced at the clock. Goodness, I
shall be late! You can measure the dress against my old frock. I
haven't a minute. And she was out, banging the door behind her.
But before she was many yards away, the door burst open again and
Mrs. Creddle's anxious face looked out. Carrie! Carrie! You don't want
to tell your uncle if you come across him. He'd have a fit if he knew
you were going to the dance on the prom., let alone wearing that fine
frock. You know what he is!
Don't I just! responded Caroline, her spirits beginning to rise
again. Well, what he doesn't know he can't grieve about, so you keep a
still tongue in your head and I'll run round for the dress when I leave
the prom. after tea. Then at last she was running along the grey
pavements with the clean wind blowing towards her from the sea.
In her haste she almost ran into three men who were coming along
from the direction of the Cottage with measuring tapes and other
appliances in their hands, but she took no particular notice of them,
never dreaming that these three commonplace looking men in ordinary
dark clothes could even now be haunting another person's imagination
with the sinister effect of birds of prey who mark the approach of an
But Miss Ethel had seen them from her upper window, and the sight of
them walking about in the field had produced an acute physical feeling
of nausea and faintness; for her fear lest the field should be built
upon and the last seclusion spoilt, had already made one of those deep
ruts in the mind along which every thought runs when not actually
driven in another direction. And each time Miss Ethel's thoughts passed
that way, the rut was bound to become deeper. Though she imagined
herself so self-controlled, and seemed so safe as she went quietly
about her work removing the dust from corners where Caroline had left
it, she was indeed a woman in real danger, still fighting all the great
forces of change arrayed against her, and which she must give in to or
Chapter V. The Dance on the
A night in June brings to the mind of most people soft airsthe
scent of rosesa time when the young can sit out-of-doors in the
moonlight, and the middle-aged may venture forth without risk of
catching cold. But even on such a night in Thorhaven there is a nipping
freshness at sunset which keeps the mind alert instead of lulling the
sensesgiving an exquisite clearness to the thoughts of lovers: at any
rate, to the thoughts of lovers like Laura Temple.
But visitors did not realize this, only remarking to each other with
disapproval that it was much colder than in Flodmouth, and that you
always needed a thick coat in the evening at Thorhaven, whatever the
time of year. At the present moment, however, most of them were
hurrying away from the wide expanse of shore and sea that glimmered
under the reflection of the sunset, for dancing was to start at
half-past eight in the glass hall which filled the centre of the
The girl in charge of the pay-box was busier than usual, and
Caroline stood at a little distance taking a professional interest in
the number of tickets sold. Her first feeling of importance had worn
off, but she had the correct official air of detachment, glancing at
the throng which hurried through the barrier with a sort of indulgent
superiority, while the band under the glass roof of the hall tootled
faintly against the deep roll of the waves. The immensity of the arched
sky above, with the dim, flat land on one side, and the expanse of
darkening sea on the other, seemed to give to those dance tunes an
indescribable melancholy. They seemed to epitomize all the shortness
and futility of the little lives which had flickered for a few years on
the edge of that sea and then gone out.
Not that Caroline thought of this, being a normal, healthy girl, but
a shadow of the thought fell across her bright path and she shivered
slightly, drawing her coat closer round her throat. Come on, she
said, turning to Wilf, who stood near waiting for her. That band gives
me the pip, hearing it from the outside. You want something louder than
that near the sea.
Well, you had the steam roundabouts on Bank Holiday, and you didn't
like that, said Wilf cheerfully. Some folks are never satisfied.
Look! said Caroline. There's that friend of Miss Laura Temple's.
Wilf turned to watch a group coming through the barrier. They were
young people from some of the larger houses that had been built to
accommodate business people from Flodmouth, but evidently not of the
sort that desires constant gaiety, or they would not have lived in
Thorhaven. Now they had made up a little party to come and dance in the
promenade hall, with the simple object of enjoying a fair floor and a
band that played in tune.
As they passed Wilf and Caroline, one said eagerly to the other:
Where's Laura Temple? I don't see anything of her. She and Godfrey
Wilson were to have waited here for us.
Oh, didn't you know? Got a sore throat and can't
They went on, and Caroline breathed again. She had never thought of
Laura being at a dance on the promenade, and the sudden idea of meeting
the original owner of the flame-coloured dress gave her a little shock.
The whole situation, as it might have been, opened out in front of her
for a moment or two, bristling with unpleasantnesses, and she glanced
down at the edge of colour appearing under her coat with a distinct
regret that she had been persuaded by Mrs. Creddle into wearing the
dress. Better far to have stopped at home.
Then there was Wilf, taking her arm with cool possessiveness. Come
on, Carrie! I aren't going to stop here all night while you
think over your sins. He laughed and the two girls standing near him
laughed toonot that they felt amused, but because laughter was the
accepted accompaniment to such conversations.
So they went along together under the first star that hung high in
the green sky, and the Flamborough light trembled across the water just
as they entered the hot and crowded hall. The spectatorsmostly
middle-agedsat in a solid phalanx round the sides of the room doing
knitting or crochet, hoping against hope to see other folks make fools
of themselves, or afford a spectacle of some sort that might be worth
Already several couples were whirling round on the polished floor,
and Caroline, who had come bare-headed, took off her coat at once,
placed it in a corner with Wilf's hat, and swung out into the dance. At
first Wilf and she were only conscious of being looked at and anxious
to do their steps with credit, but after a little while Wilf became
agreeably conscious that people were interested in them. He held his
partner more jauntily and redoubled his attention to the dance,
occasionally whispering some sally into Caroline's ear to show how much
at ease he was, and how dashingly he could carry it off.
Caroline on her part now felt an exhilarated conviction that her own
appearance in the flame-coloured dress was the source of attraction;
and every time she passed a certain place where a dark screen hung
behind the glass, she glanced at a revolving vision of excited eyes and
The low rays of the sinking sun struck through the glass panes on
the western side of the hall and mingled with the gas, which was
already turned on, to create a sort of strange half-light in which
nobody seemed quite real. The couples swam round and round in this
peculiar radiance, while the heavy figures watching appeared to recede
and grow more dense.
The music ceased and they stood still, breathing quickly, hemmed in
by a large group of people. After a while Caroline suddenly felt a
touch on her shoulder from behind. I say, Laura, I thought you were
not And she turned round sharply to see Wilson with outstretched
arm peering between heads. Oh, he exclaimedso sorry! I took you
for Miss Temple. I only caught a glimpse of your dress.
It's all right, said Caroline abruptly, crimson to the roots of
her hair. Then the music started again and she seized hold of Wilf's
arm. Come along! We don't want to lose any of this.
Wilson was left behind among a group who were not dancing at the
moment, but gradually they moved away and he stood there alone, steady
on his feetalmost impressively self-reliant and sure of himself,
though he was neither tall nor handsome. As he stood idly looking on,
he began to notice the flame-coloured dress which had been Laura's
flashing in and out of the more sober garments. It displayed a good
deal of Caroline's figure, which was slim and clean madesomething
like a Tanagra statuette, but less curved. He found himself watching
for her every time as she came round, and finally a thought darted
across his minda nymph on fire. Why!he chuckled softly to himself,
pleased by the apt phrase and feeling cleverthat was what it was, by gad! But where on earth had she got a gown exactly like the one
which had suited Laura so badly?
When the music stopped he moved from his place and walked straight
up to Caroline. I must apologize for having touched you on the arm,
but I only caught a glimpse of your dress through the crowd, he said,
and at first I thought you were Miss Temple. She has a dress exactly
like the one you are wearing.
Oh, it's all right, repeated Caroline, beginning to move off. Then
she suddenly stopped short. After all, he would get to know. She was
not going to look as if she were ashamed of what she had done. It is
the same dress, she said, throwing up her head with a jerk, as she did
when she was defiant. Miss Temple gave it to my aunt, Mrs. Creddle,
and I'm wearing it because Aunt burnt a frock of mine.
Lucky thing she did, said Wilson easily. I can't quite see Mrs.
Creddle in this gownat least, if she is the lady I have encountered
at Miss Wilson's.
Ha! ha! laughed Wilf, feeling he owed it to his own dignity to
assert himself and join in somehow, but finding a difficulty in
Miss Temple didn't mean it to be worn. It was to make best frocks
for the little ones or something like that, said Caroline. But I
shan't wear it again, so they'll have the benefit of it all the same.
Well, I'm sure the original wearer would be delighted if she could
see you in it, said Wilson.
Just what I say, put in Wilf, seizing his chance. Never
saw Carrie look better. She'll be immensely grateful to Miss Temple for
the loan of it, of course. Wonderful how the ladies can come to the
rescue of each other. Now, we menit's a queer thing, Mr. Wilson, when
you come to think of it, but I don't suppose there's two pairs of legs
alike in this hall.
No? said Wilson interestedly. Well, I believe you are right. It
is strange what things can be discovered about life by keeping one's
eyes open. I daresay you don't let much escape yours.
Oh, I don't go about with them shut, of course, said Wilf
modestly. But I'm like that. It's no credit to me. Always was from a
Wilson glanced round, letting his gaze pass over the little party
from the new villas with whom he was fairly well acquainted, then he
turned to Wilf. I don't seem to see many people I know here. I wonder
if you would mind my having a turn with Miss Creddle? he said. That
is, if she does not object.
My name isn't Creddle; it's Raby, said Caroline.
Oh, I don't mind. I'll console myself somehow just for one dance,
said Wilf grandly, for he was feeling greatly flatteredfirst by being
regarded as Caroline's keeper, and also by the deferential attitude of
this older man who had reached the place in life where he would like to
Will you be so kind, Miss Raby? said Wilson.
So Caroline, unable to refuse, allowed him to put his arm round her
and guide her out into the moving throng. After the first moment or two
when she was entirely engrossed in feeling annoyed with Wilf, she began
to experience a most peculiar and yet agreeable sensationas if she
need not trouble about anything in the whole world ever any more. She
remained aware of the music, of the many-coloured throng going round
and round in the last rays of the sunset which mingled so strangely
with the artificial light from the roof of the hallstill she seemed
to be carried along apart from it all; to be enclosed by something
which emanated from the man who held her, and which isolated them both.
Once or twice he made some trivial remark, but nothing to need thinking
about; and when the music stopped she felt for a second or two a sort
of dizzinesslike coming too suddenly out of a dim room into a bright
I must have met you somewhere before, he was saying. I am sure I
remember your face.
Yes. She felt the odd dizziness leaving her. With an effort she
forced herself to become alert and keen again. I expect you've seen me
collecting tickets. I and another girl take it in turns.
Ah! That must be what I am thinking of, he said. But he searched
his mind in vain for the recollection of a girl at that little window
in the pay-box who could by any magic of clothes and swaying steps be
transformed even for five minutes into a nymph on fire.
But Wilf came up and he had to let her gofelt, indeed, no
particular desire to detain her; for Caroline greeted her admirer with
such real relief that he had no doubt of her feelings. She just caught
hold of Wilf's arm and began at once to move in time to the music,
while that gratified young man nodded jauntily over her shoulder to
Wilson and sailed off, thinking himself very grown-up and experienced
and importanta man with a female for whom he was responsibleone of
Almost immediately after that Wilson went away, but it was three
hours later before Caroline and Wilf, having danced their fill, emerged
into the coolness of the midnight air. As they walked down the dim
promenade together, Wilf was still talking about Wilson. Some chaps
say he is so stand-offish, but I always hold that people treat you as
you treat them. And if the fellows say anything of the sort to me in
the train, to-morrow, I shall just tell them they're wrong. Most
pleasant, he can be, when he likes.
Why shouldn't he be? said Caroline. You're as good as he is.
I know that, but I haven't got what he has. You don't understand
the world yet, Carrie, my dear, he said largely. I tell you, that man
can smell when there's going to be land in the market, if there's
anything to be made out of it. Sort of second smell. Ha! ha!
Carrie laughed. Go on! You really are a one, Wilf! But her
encouraging laughter was a veil to hide her thoughtsthe old veil used
a thousand thousand times since life and love began.
Look here, Carrie, Wilf began again, suddenly serious. What man
has done, man can do. I didn't mean to tell you yet, but I will. He
lowered his voice, glancing round at the calm immensity of the
moonlight night lest any one should hear him. If I go on as I am
doing, I shall be worth five thousand pounds before I die.
Carrie clutched his arm, looking into the smooth, boyish face so
near her own, with its young curves and sharpnesses made wistful by the
moonlight. She did not know why, but was suddenly filled with a sort of
aching, protective pity when she heard those words mingling with the
sound of the sea. It was Wilf's youngness and littleness in the face of
that immensity. Five thousand pounds before I die! And the sea
beating on the shore just the same
But out of it all, the only words she found were: I know you will,
Wilf. You'll do more than that. Look how your governor spoke about your
shorthand last week.
And that brings me, continued Wilf, growing more and more solemn
and important, to what I really want to say. I'm going to get the ring
to-morrow, Carrie, so you'd better lend me that old one of your
mother's you have on, for a measure. I aren't going to ask you what
stones you'd like, because I shall get diamonds. A dress ring without
diamonds is nothing, and I mean my wife to have the best.
Diamonds! Oh, Wilf! said Carrie. But the first glow of surprise
and pleasure passed almost before it was there. Wife! She didn't want
that. She wasn't ready for that. Don't think of such a thing. We can't
be married for years and years. Besides, I don't want a ring. Itit
hasn't got so far, yet. We have always been friends, but when it comes
to settling down together for life-
He swung round. What on earth do you mean? he demanded. Are you
keeping a loophole open to throw me over for somebody else?
No, no! she said. I have never thought of anybody else. I
couldn't imagine myself going with anybody but you. Only I don't want
to be tied yet. I want to feel free a bit longer.
Is that all? he said, then began to grow angry owing to a reaction
from his fright. A nice fool you would make me look if you turned me
down now. I suppose you don't realize that my friends in the train just
wink at each other when they ask me to go anywhere of an evening,
knowing I shan't go. Then one chapfunny chap he isalways says,
'How's the C.R. doing?' You mayn't know where the joke comes in, but
C.R. stands for a railway as well as Carrie Raby. And after all that,
I'm to be played fast and loose with. It's carrying things a bit too
far. I don't say I agree with the times when men clubbed girls over the
head and brought them home like that, but I will say the pendulum has
swung too far. A girl can't have a boy of her own and be as free as if
she hadn't. I don't know what you think you want, Carrie.
I've no wish to be horrid, I'm sure, said Caroline. I do think it
is most awfully kind and generous of you to want to give me a ring. But
I feel as if I would rather not have one.
Well, have it your own way, of course. Only I can't make all this
out, said Wilf. If you didn't fancy me for a husband you might have
found out before. You've had plenty of time.
But I never did think of you as a husband, somehow, said
Caroline. We began to walk out together like boys and girls do, and it
has gone on. I don't say I shall never feel different. I can't picture
myself ever wanting to go with anybody but you. Only there it is. She
paused, looking out to sea, and the wash of the waves brought back to
some degree those feelings which she had experienced when he talked
about the five thousand pounds. I'm sorry if I've hurt your feelings,
Wilf. I'm sure I didn't want to. I only wanted to be straight with
Well, we'll let it pass, said Wilf. Girls have all sorts of funny
feelings we don't have, I expect; and a lot would have taken the ring
first and talked afterwards. I like a girl to be straight.
But he did not. He was at the stage when what he most wanted from
the female sex was a sugared insincerity which looked like crude
candour and independence. And as they walked on again, though they were
linked together, she certainly appeared less desirable to him than she
had done when she was circling round the hall in Wilson's arms with her
bright draperies glowing between the gaslight and the sunset.
When they had said farewell at the gate of the Cottage garden and he
stood waiting until he heard Caroline safely open the front door, these
discontents grew more active still. Here he was, seeing her home, and
making no objection, though some one had actually said in his hearing
that she was Miss Wilson's maid-servant. He had not told her this from
feelings of delicacy, but he began to think that delicacy was rather
wasted on her, and determined to do so at the next opportunity.
Caroline opened the door softly and was creeping up the old stairs
which creaked at every step, when Miss Ethel peered out of her bedroom
and caught a glimpse of flame colour beneath the open coat.
Good night, Miss Ethel, said Caroline cheerfully.
For a moment Miss Ethel could not bring words over her lips. That
Ellen's niece should return thus at midnight, opening the house door
with a latch-key, while she, herself, condoned it, though she
disapproved as violently as ever. She felt a sort of tingling shame and
resentment like a fighter who has to retreat, as she said in a muffled
tone: Good night, Caroline.
Chapter VI. Morning Calls
Miss Ethel was sawing off the dead branch of a tree that threatened
to fall on the path when Mrs. Bradford came out of the house and walked
slowly across the garden, saying as she passed: I don't know what you
want to do that for, Ethel. You look quite overheated. Why don't you
get a man to do it?
Miss Ethelbeads of perspiration on her flushed forehead and hands
trembling with exertion so that she could scarcely hold the
sawreplied with pardonable acerbity: I didn't get a man because I
couldn't. You know that. Talk about unemployment! I only know you can't
get a jobbing gardener for half a day, even if you put your pride in
your pocket and crawl all round Thorhaven on your hands and knees
asking one to come as a favourbesides, what would he charge?
Well, leave the branch, then, said Mrs. Bradford. You do worry
yourself so, Ethel.
Somebody must worry, retorted Miss Ethel. Then the bough split
unexpectedly and fell, causing her to graze her hand so that it bled.
Immediately afterwards there came a loud crash from the other side of
the hedge, and for a moment the two women felt their hearts jump with
the old sense of helpless, defiant waiting on fate which they had
experienced when bombs fell from enemy aircraft during the war. But the
next second they remembered they were safethough that had ceased to
be a thing to thank God for.
It's only a cartload of bricks being tipped, said Mrs. Bradford
Only! said Miss Ethel. Don't you know that means they are
beginning to build? And just on the other side of our hedge! And then
you calmly stand there and say 'Only!' I wish I were made like you,
But she very obviously entertained no such desire, and Mrs. Bradford
walked on, saying over her shoulder: I really came out to remind you
about going to Laura Temple's. If you really want to see her, it's high
time you went.
Miss Ethel pulled her watch out of her belt, glanced at it and
hurried indoors, but came out again almost immediately in a hat, with a
bundle of papers in her hand. As she went down the road, shelike
every one elsebeing unable to take in all the impressions that
pressed round her, only absorbed those which fed the dominant idea in
her mind, automatically neglecting the rest. So when she turned out of
the garden gate and caught a glimpse of the cornfields beyond the
Cottage where a lark was singing, she missed the idea of
permanenceseed-time and harvest never failingwhich might have
soothed her mind, and only thought how soon these fields too would be
built over and spoilt.
Changechange everywhere; not only thrones falling and ancient
estates going to the hammer, but little people like herself and Marion
all over the world made to feel it every hour. The very spire pointing
upwards against the blue-grey sky reminded her less of the eternal
message than of something in the service which was different from what
it used to be when she was a girl.
But at last she reached a part of Thorhaven which did unconsciously
soothe and console her, for it remained just the same: white cottages
clustered under high trees and a little house facing the road where
Laura Temple lived with an old governess. The house was plain, built
close on to the pavement after the old Yorkshire village fashion; and a
flagged passage led through it to the garden behind; so when the doors
stood open, as now, a blaze of sunlight and clear colour was framed in
the further doorway.
While Miss Ethel stood waiting on the step, Laura entered from the
garden with some flowers in her hands. Oh! Do come in, Miss Wilson,
she said. This is nice of you. And she led the way into a square room
hung with white curtains and light chintz covers; not an artistic
room at all, but one which somehow matched the garden outside, as well
as Laura herself.
In a well-cushioned chair by the sunny window sat a short, stout
lady with very pretty pink hands and faded blue eyes, who rose up from
her knitting to greet the visitor. She was the old governess who lived
with Laura, and her real name was Panton, but she had always been
Nanty in the far-off nursery days, and so she was called still by
intimates of the family whose various branches she had trained to read
and spell. Now she wasas she herself saideating the bread of
idleness; her two great and absorbing interests in life being Laura and
knitting. She had been afflicted doubtless with adenoids in her own
childhood, but at that time they were not generally considered
removable. At all events, she now confused her M's and B's
intermittently, as she always had done, and never troubled herself
about it, being an easy-going person.
She did not mind, for instance, telling anyone how Laura called to
see her one day when she was living in lodgings in Flodmouth, and there
and then invited her to come and keep house. But she could not tell
what caused this sudden impulse, because she did not know. As a matter
of fact, it was just one of those trifles which do influence human
conduct by touching the emotionsand always will, let cynics say what
they may. And the ridiculous thing which touched this hidden spring in
Laura was a very stale, untouched, highly ornamented cake which Miss
Panton cut with fingers that trembled from eagernessso pleased and
excited was she by having a visitor at last. I rather thought I might
have had a good bany callersmy papa was so well down here in the old
days. But there does not seeb to be anybody left.
The familiar seebthe sudden picture of poor old Nanty waiting
there for those callers, descendants of her papa's substantial circle,
who never camethe glow of a generous girl newly engaged who wants to
make everybody else happyall this had influenced Laura to say,
without waiting to think: Come and live with me until I am married.
I'd simply love to have you, Nanty. Miss Wilson is always saying I
ought to have a chaperone since I ceased wandering about and went to
live in my own little house at Thorhaven.
So that was how Miss Panton came to be sitting in that pleasant
corner of the sunny room, doing her knitting and listening while Laura
talked to Miss Ethel about the nursing fund in which they were both
interested. Occasionally Miss Panton would push forward mechanically a
conversational counter from the little store she kept always by her.
Thus when Miss Ethel spoke of the bricks that had arrived on the other
side of the privet hedge, Nanty glanced up for a second to remark in
her throaty little voice: It is hard. That lovely garden of yours,
Miss Ethel But tibe and tide wait for no ban! Then she sighed and
resumed her absorbing occupation, satisfied that she had taken her due
part in the social amenities.
This habit of using ready-made platitudes arose no doubt from
laziness of mind, as well as from the natural timidity produced by
being a nursery governess in days when such unfortunate young females
hovered ever uncertainly between basement and drawing-room. She had got
into the way then of making remarks at the luncheon table which she
knew must be correct, because they were in all the copy-books.
Now she and Laura lived very happily together, and this pleasant
feeling was intensified by the rather exaggerated adoration of the
girl's lover which such a situation is apt to produce. The little
household circled round his goings and comings, and the young mistress
of it lavished on Wilson all the family affection she had at the
disposal of a large circle, if she had been blest with one, as well as
the pure passion of a woman deeply in love.
At last Miss Ethel finished her business, closed her little notebook
and made a brisk remark about the building in the next field, because
she was always very careful not to hurt Miss Panton's feelings.
Delightful! Delightful! said Nanty, seeking the appropriate
conversational counterat least, I bean She paused, breathed
hard, and added with a rush: I'm sure Mr. Wilson was deeply distressed
at being obliged to be the one to sell it. But if he had not done so,
somebody else would. Business is business, she concluded, pink to the
nose-end with the effort.
Laura's colour also rose a little. Yes. I know Godfrey was sorry.
Only he is tremendously keen to get on, of course, and you can't
affordI sometimes think he is too keen.
But Miss Ethel was not going to have that. It must be made plain at
once, that though she, herself, might run down her own second
cousin, he was the sort of man whom any girl ought to be proud to
marry, even though she did possess an agreeable sum of money at her own
sole disposal. I have always considered Godfrey a gentlemanif that
is what you mean? she said stiffly.
But Laura was looking out of the window and did not listen. Oh,
here is Godfrey! she said, jumping up. Will you excuse me a moment,
Miss Ethel? And she hurried off to prevent an awkward meeting.
But before she reached the door, Godfrey was already in the
roomalert, buoyant, with his air of being well fed, well bathed, well
groomed and entirely certain of himself. Immediately after greeting
Laura, he turned to Miss Ethel. I am very glad to have come across
you, he said, I am afraid you felt hurt about that field before your
house; but the Warringborns meant to sell, so of course I couldn't tell
them to take their business elsewhere. And they were urgent, so the
whole thing was arranged hurriedly.
Miss Ethel drew down her mouth but said nothing; and before Laura
could make some trivial remark Miss Panton nervously filled in the
pause by murmuring: Quite so. Delays are dadegerous.
Then Miss Ethel rose to go, and having recovered herself a little
she did manage to say a civil word to Wilson about the weatherbecause
after all he was her kinsman, and must be supported here as such.
A few minutes later, Wilson and Laura followed along the same road.
Then I suppose we may take it that diplomatic relations have now been
resumed? he said with a grin.
Laura smiledbut kindlyfeeling some pity for Miss Ethel. After
all, it is hard to have people looking over your hedge when you have
always had the place absolutely private. Only she will make such a
tragedy of the inevitable.
But Godfrey was not greatly concerned with Miss Ethel's feelings. I
say, Laura, he began eagerly, pointing to some new houses. There are
tremendous opportunities in Thorhaven for a man with capital. If only I
had twenty thousand pounds at my disposal, I could be a rich man in ten
She looked up at him quickly, flushing a little. Well, you can
have, Godfrey. I'd like you to have it. I get possession of my money on
my marriage, you know: and, thank goodness, it is not in trust. My
father had a perfect horror of leaving things in trust.
I'm not sure I agree with him there, said Godfrey. You might have
got hold of a chap who would make ducks and drakes of your money. But
as things are, it is all right, of course. The only question isshall
you always be absolutely comfortable about it? Because, if you would
even feel the very faintest
But I don't! I never shall, interposed Laura. You know I'd trust
you with a million if I had it.
He slipped his hand through her arm, for just then they turned the
corner and met the sea wind full in their faces. Dear old girl: there
are not many like you.
Laura felt herself propelled along so easily with his thick-set
figure between her and the wind from the sea; the warm vitality that
came out from him and seemed to run also through her veins, making her
feel stronger, gayer, more exuberantly full of energy than she ever did
when alone. She wanted to tell him her feelings, after the way of
lovers, and so she turned to him with a little quick pressure of his
arm in hers as they neared the pay-box. Godfrey! I feel as if I could
jump over the moon. Don't you? It must be this lovely morning.
He let his glance rove idly over the promenade gardens and the road
leading to it, which certainly looked their best on this day of real
summer, when there was hot sunshine to warm the breeze, and girls and
children in pink and blue and white and yellow playing on the sands.
The sea was a sparkling green and a couple of boys ran out into the
surf, shouting as they ran. . . . But though Wilson had an eye for
beauty, he was thinking chiefly of the row of villas which could be
built where a cornfield now grewand lodging-houses on the cliff top
with steps down from the gardens to the shoreand the money rolling
in. Then he heard Laura speaking to the girl in the pay-box as she went
through the barrier; and with a sudden jolt of the memory the nymph in
the flame-coloured gown came back to mind, though he had forgotten all
about her from the night of the promenade dance until the present
He hesitated a few seconds, then he also stepped forward and peered
in at the little window with Laura, who was still talking; and
instantly, his sudden curiosity fell flat like a bubble pricked. For he
saw just enough resemblance in this ordinary, pale, alert little girl,
with the bright eyes and the freckles on her nose, to make sure she was
the same person, and after that one glance he stood looking away to sea
with his hands in his pockets, whistling softly, awaiting his lady's
pleasure. He was no longer curious.
Caroline, defiantly aware of all this, answered Laura's pleasant
remarks at random. She was not going to have him tell about the red
dress in his own waysince he had evidently never thought again of it
or hermaking a funny tale to amuse Miss Laurashe'd tell it in
her way! Miss Temple, I wanted to tell you, I wore that
flame-coloured dress you gave Aunt Creddle at the promenade dance the
other night. She burnt mine ironing it out, so I borrowed that at the
last minute. But I did it no harm and gave it back to her next day.
The words came out breathlessly, in a little rush, and the bright eyes
peered defiantly through the little window.
Oh, what a pity to give it back, said Laura. I expect it suited
you, and really I only gave it to Mrs. Creddle, because Mr. Wilson
disliked it so much. She smiled round at him, then turned again to
Caroline. Do wear it again, and then I can let you have the shoes and
stockings to match. They are such a peculiar shade that they will go
with nothing else I have.
No, thank you, said Caroline abruptly: but the next minute she
smiled into the face so near her own, softening her refusalfor she
could not help feeling the charm of that open-eyed kindness with which
Laura had looked out at the world since she was in the cradle. It was
so real: and yet it formed a weak spot in Laura's nature. For she
wanted so much to be liked that she wasas some one had once said of
herjust a little bit disappointed if a stray cat did not purr as she
went past. Now she answered quite eagerly, but with a perfectly genuine
eagerness: Oh, I do hope you'll change your mind. Anyway, I'll send
the shoes and stockings, though I'm afraid the shoes will be too big
Then she went off, leaving Caroline tingling from head to foot with
annoyance against Wilson. To think he should treat her in that way, as
if the dance the other night were something to be ashamed of. Only wait
until he tried to speak to her when Miss Temple was not there, and he
should see what would happen.
But Wilson was walking by Laura's side on the promenade without the
remotest intention of talking to Caroline again: and he had so lost
interest in her that he was almost surprised to hear his lady ask how
the dress looked.
I spoke to the girl because I mistook her for you from the back,
But did she look nice in it? persisted Laura.
Nice? He paused, and she was so tall that his face was almost on a
level with her own. Then he glanced back at the pay-box. Poor little
devil! She can't have known herself, if she happened to see her
reflection that night. The dress worked miracles. I can hardly believe
it was the same girl.
She is engaged to some young man in an office in Flodmouth, I
believe, said Laura. I wonder if you could do anything for him?
I'm afraid not. We don't interfere in each other's office
arrangements in Flodmouth business circles, he said, teasing her,
though he saw and appreciated that kindness always welling up in her
like a spring, ready for every one. All right, old girl. If I have a
chance, I'll do what I can, he added, but the youth only looks about
nineteen, so they have plenty of time yet.
Nobody has too much time to be happy in, said Laura, smiling at
her lover. Fancy, if we had fallen in love with each other and married
ten years ago, we should have been all that to the good.
He laughed. We might have been all that to the bad, he said. You
don't know what I was like at nineteen, Laura.
So they went along, very happy, laughing and talking together,
viewed with envy, contempt or sympathy by the girls and women who read
and worked round the band-stand. A thin stream of music drifted out
with a sort of melancholy sprightliness to join the deep sound of waves
breaking and drawing back from the gravel on the sands. In the distance
Caroline looked out from her little window at Wilson's broad back and
hated them both, in spite of Laura's kindness. They'd
everythingeverything. What right had one girl to have so much more
than another? . . . Then a bevy of children came through the barrier,
and when she next looked the lovers had vanished.
But later in the morning when Wilson returned home alone by way of
the promenade, he glanced at Caroline in passing the barrier with the
faintest renewed stirring of curiosity. Surely there must have been
somethinghe couldn't quite have imagined it all that night at
the dance. Then he saw a bill near the gate announcing another dance
this week, and that made him say lightly, as he went through the iron
turnstile: Shall you be at the dance on Thursday? You ought to wear
that red dress again.
No, I aren'tI'm not going to wear the dress any more. She spoke
rudely, abruptlysaying to herself that this was what she had
He read her thoughts with ease, smiling to himself, for he knew
something about women. But as he looked at her closely in the strong
light, he became aware of a velvety texture in her skin which is
usually seen only in children. She had a powdering of freckles on her
nose, and her pupils had dilated with anger until her eyes looked
black; her head was very erect on her slim shoulders. He thought to
himself that here were traces of the nymph after all-at least, here
was a girl who might conceivably look like one by artificial light and
in the right gown. And beyond that, he was vaguely conscious of
something in her that was pliant yet unbreakableor almost
unbreakableand which defied him and all the world.
What will your other cavalier say to that? he said. I expect he
will want to see you take the shine out of all the other girls once
Excuse me. There is some one waiting to come through, said
Caroline with immense aloofness.
But inwardly she was furious with herself for feeling a just
perceptible response to his virile personality and his absolute
sureness. Anything he wanted Then she bent her mind
resolutely upon a respected inhabitant of Thorhaven.
Yes, lovely day, isn't it? she said. I suppose you're full up
The woman replied that she was full up, and furthermore that she
would remain in the same happy condition until October, then said
casually as she moved off: I didn't know you were living servant with
Miss Wilson. I suppose you'll stop there altogether when this job on
the promenade is done?
I aren'tI'm not living servant with her, said Caroline sharply.
Who's been telling you that? I simply went to light the fire for them
in the morning and do a few odd jobs until they could get somebody
But I always understood from Mrs. Creddle you were going to be
servant there, persisted the woman. She once told me your aunt Ellen
promised years ago.
Very likely she did, said Caroline. I can't help that. Everybody
must do the best they can for themselves.
Well, you're right there, answered the woman, and saying Amen thus
to the creed of her day, she took up her basket and went through the
Chapter VII. Sea-Roke
One afternoon at the turn of the tide, a sort of transformation
scene took place along the sands and on the promenade; a bank of cold
vapour advanced from the sea, through which the sun glimmered faintly
yellow, then disappeared. The girls' thin blouses began to flap limply
against their chilled arms; matrons turned a little red or blue about
the nose; children's hair either curled more tightly or hung limp,
while their cheeks took on a lovely colour in the cool dampness; tiny
beads of moisture hung on everybody's eyelashes. Those who had come out
to the seaside from the hot streets of Flodmouth felt when they emerged
from the railway station, as if they were plunging into a cold vapour
When Caroline went to relieve her colleague Lillie at tea-time, she
was met by a stream of nurses, protesting infants and middle-aged women
on their way home. And as the men who had just arrived from a day's
business in the city made straight for their lodgings, Thorhaven in the
very midst of the season took on an air of exclusionof remoteness.
You could notice the wash of the waves again now.
The mist crept steadily along inland, muffling the church, the trees
beyondalmost hiding the privet hedge from Miss Ethel as she glanced
out of the window.
A heavy roke. I hope it won't last, she said; but she was not
really thinking of what she was saying because her attention was
engrossed by the noises on the other side of the hedge. Never the same
continuously, but always changing, so that the ear never became dulled
by knowing what to expect. A sharply whistled tune. Voices. The knock,
knock, knock of a tool on a hard substance. A sound of scraping. Then
blessed silence for a few seconds. Then knock, knock, knock again. She
turned impatiently to Mrs. Bradford, who sat close up to the window
reading the paper. Thank goodness, it is nearly five; the men will be
You should try to get used to it, said Mrs. Bradford. You have
let it get on your nerves. And she returned at once to the newspaper
in which she was reading a minutely-reported divorce case; for though a
stolid and intensely respectable woman she loved to read these reports.
It is plain to see that the husband wants to get rid of his wife, she
said after a while.
Well, that seems easily done nowadays, said Miss Ethel, listening
still as she spoke. Perhaps women don't realize that though they can
easily get rid of an unsatisfactory husband, it will be just as easy
for a satisfactory husband to get rid of them.
But Mrs. Bradford did not care for abstract questions. I expect the
Marchioness will have the custody of the children, she said.
So Miss Ethel took up the other half of the paper to try and
distract her mind from the noises over the hedge. But every head-line
seemed to dart at her sore consciousness as if it were a snake's head
with a sting in it. Murder. Unrest. Strikes. Dissatisfactions. Change.
The whole outlook was indescribably comfortless and depressing to her.
She felt something akin to the vague, apprehensive miserybeyond
reason or common sensewhich people feel during the rumble of a
I hate reading the papers, she said, flinging the sheet down.
You shouldn't read the parts that worry you. I don't, said Mrs.
Bradford. But you always were one to work yourself up about things. I
remember once how you fretted over some little newsboys with no
stockings on, when we went into Flodmouth as children to see the
pantomime. You worried yourself and everybody else to death. But they
were used to it, as dear father said, and it did them no harm. You are
of the worrying sort, Ethel, and you should try to hold yourself in.
Poor world if nobody worried, said Miss Ethel; then she rose
abruptly and carried out the tea-tray.
Soon she was back again with a duster in her hand, beginning to dust
the large bookshelf, which had been overlooked for a day or two. As her
duster passed over the red-leather backs of the old bound volumes of
Punch she saw with a wistful inner eyeas if she looked back to a
Promised Land on which the gate was shut for everthat world of swells
and belles, of croquet and sunshine, of benevolence to the poor and
fingers touching forelocks, black being black and white white.
Then Mrs. Bradford spoke again. Why not leave that dusting, Ethel?
You have been at it all day.
Somebody must, said Miss Ethel, going on dusting.
Well, I only wish I could do more, said Mrs. Bradford, comfortably
turning her page with a rustling crackle. But my legs have given way
ever since I was married. I don't know why, I'm sure; but marriage does
seem to affect the constitution in queer ways.
Miss Ethel feltas she was intended to feelthat it was not within
her power to comprehend the mysteries of the conjugal state; so
acquiescing from long habit in her sister's torpidity, she went on with
But her head ached appallingly, and she looked at the clock-hands
nearing five with a feeling that she could bear the sounds of building
so long and no longer. If they lasted a single minute beyond that time
something inside her head would snap. Knockknockknock;
scrapescrape; the thud of something thrown down. She felt her breath
coming fast as she waited for the moment when her aching senses would
be lulled by the cessation of it allwhen she would rest on a blissful
Thank God, it's five o'clock! she said, flinging down her duster.
Yes. The men will be leaving work now, said Mrs. Bradford.
Miss Ethel continued her work again, moving quietly about the room.
Wave after wave of wet salt air was rolling in from the sea, pressing
upon that which travelled slowly inland, so that the roke grew very
dense, and the little house seemed to be cut off from all the world.
Miss Ethel sat down and leaned her head back with her eyes shut:
Mrs. Bradford continued to read the paper, then rustled a page and
looked at her sister over it. As she did so, Miss Ethel sat up with a
jerk and stared across the room.
Bless me! said Mrs. Bradford, what are you staring at me like
that for, Ethel? Do I look ill? And she began to wonder if she felt
ill, for she always feared a stroke.
Listen! said Miss Ethel in an odd tone. Don't you hear them? They
are working overtime.
Mrs. Bradford took her paper up irritably. Goodness! Is that all.
She also listened, then added: What nonsense you talk, Ethel! There is
not a sound. They have stopped work for the night.
Miss Ethel walked to the window where the grey air clung to the
glass and stood there a moment, listening intently. It was true. She
could hear nothing.
But as soon as she sat down by the fire and was not thinking, it
began againknock, knock, knock. . . .
They are there still, she said. They must be.
I tell you they are not, said Mrs. Bradford. You have simply got
the noise on your nerves. If you don't take care, you will be really
ill. You think about the noise morning, noon and night, until you fancy
you hear it.
I'm not a fool, said Miss Ethel. Surely I know whether I hear a
noise or not.
I don't know about that, said Mrs. Bradford. I saw a case in the
paper of a man who fancied he heard a drum beating when there was
nothing at all, really.
But I'm not 'a case,' said Miss Ethel, tartly, pressing her hand
to her forehead. And I'm going to see if the men really have
left or not.
Mrs. Bradford glanced out of the window. Well, you must want
something to do, she said. You might just hand me that sheet you were
reading, as you go out.
The door banged. Miss Ethel's dim form was visible for a moment as
she passed the window then the mist hid her altogether.
Caroline was also engulfed in it as soon as she came out of the
little shelter at the entrance of the promenade. She could taste it on
her lips, the wet drops clung to her eyelashes. Lillie, who had just
arrived to take her place, looked all out of curl like a moulting bird,
but both of them were spiritualized by the grey mist which blurred
their outlines and through which their lips and eyes showed fresh and
Pity you've got your new hat on, Carrie, said Lillie, shaking out
her knitted cap. Then she giggled. But I suppose you were expecting to
meet your boy at the train.
Carrie shook her head. No, I'm going back home first. I have to see
I expect you'll take the place on altogether when the season's
over, said the girl.
Not me! said Caroline, answering the faint echo of condescension
in the other's tone. I've told you time and again, Lillie, how it was
I went there. What's more, I'm telling Miss Ethel to-night that I can't
stop any longer.
She had not meant to do it precisely on this evening, but suddenly
found herself in possession of a full-fledged decision.
What are you going to do after the prom. closes then, said Lillie.
Take a post in an office in Flodmouth, said Caroline.
But you can't do typewriting or shorthand, said Lillie,
unimpressed. You won't find it so easy. I know I had my work set to
get a decent job to go to in October, and I'm thoroughly trained. I
only took to this on account of my health. I never
You've told me that before, interposed Caroline shortly. And I
can do typewriting. I have been taking lessons with Miss Wannock.
Well, I wish you luck, I'm sure, said Lillie shortly, shutting
down the little window with a click to keep out the damp. She was
sufficiently good-hearted, but the trades union spirit was in her and
she did not like the idea that another girl should find a post without
going through exactly the same training as herself.
Caroline turned towards the main road where nobody could be
distinguished twenty yards away and men looked like trees walking; but
after a minute or two she noticed something in the general shape and
gait of a man coming her way which made her feel sure it was Wilson.
She wondered whether he would speak if he caught her up, or whether he
would fail to recognize her in the mist, or would give a brief good
afternoon and pass on. She slackened speed a little, for though she was
still angry with him it would be a bit of fun to hear what he had to
say. There was also another and far more potent reason. If he walked
with her, Lillie would be proved in the wrong; for he would not walk
and talk with one whom he regarded as his relatives' maid-servant. But
he was nearly past and did not look her way.
Good evening, Mr. Wilson, she piped then; her voice sounding
crudely loud to herself in the grey stillness. But she had to prove her
place in the worldmake certain of it, lest she should lose it.
Oh! He swung round, peering into her faceat first not
remembering her. Then something in her bright glance reminded him. So
it is you, is it? Hurrying home to get ready to dance again to-night, I
suppose? He spoke indifferently, disinclined for adventure in the
chill, damp atmosphere of this late afternoon. Still he went on, being
by nature somewhat expansive. Is Miss Wilson at home this afternoon,
do you know? then fell into step by Caroline's side without thinking
Yes. Were you wanting to see her? said Caroline; but underneath,
she was saying to herself: If I'd done what Aunt Creddle wanted, and
been a servant out and out, I should never have walked with Mr. Wilson
like this. She felt consciously proud of being a business girlone
of the great company that had every evening free, and could wear low
necks and powder their faces. But there was more than that in it
Wilson glanced sideways at her, vaguely satisfied with the lightness
of her step by his side and the look of her lips and eyes through the
mist. His interest was beginning to wake again. I am going to the
Cottage with some tickets for that Garden Fête for the Hospital which
Miss Ethel and Miss Temple are helping to get up.
Oh, can I take them? said Caroline.
No, thank you. I have a message from Miss Temple to deliver as
well, he answered.
There was practically no one to be seen on the roadonly a few
distant objects moving in the mistand it would have been awkward for
either of them to leave the other, so they settled down to walk all the
way to the Cottage together.
She spoke abruptly, nervously. I'm leaving soon, you know. I'm
going into an office. I can type, but I can't do shorthand. Still, I
aren't afraid of work. If only I could get a bit more practice I should
be a very quick typistthe teacher says so.
He walked on, saying nothing, and she thought she had offended
himno doubt he feared she was going to ask him to give her a job. She
flushed crimson and added quickly: I shall find a job all right. A
friend of mine is looking round for me.
He turned to her, smiling, and his tone was slightly more familiar
than it would have been to a girl of his ordinary acquaintance. I see.
The friend I saw you with at the dance. Well, I hope he'll find what
I have no doubt he will, thank you, said Caroline.
Wilson was silent for a few minutes. Look here, he said, I think
we have a spare machine at the office that I could lend you for a time
to practise on. You must have practice.
Then he waited complacently for her to swing round towards himas
she didher eyes and voice filled with surprised gratitude: for he was
getting on well in the world himself, and he liked sometimes to feel
what a good-hearted fellow he was, in spite of it.
Oh, that's all right, he said. But I am sorry you have to leave
So am I, in a way. But you must look after yourself in these days,
said Caroline, repeating her formula. Things aren't like they used to
be. She paused. My goodness, I'm glad they aren't! Fancy if I had had
to be another Aunt Ellen all my life.
He laughed, pleased with himself and her. Well, I must own that I'm
glad I was not born into a stagnant world.
A sense of powerof vitality heightened by the stormy times in
which they lived, ran through them both as they spoke. It was rather
like the feeling of a strong swimmer in a roughish sea, with fitful
sunshine and little breakers far out towards the horizon.
By this time they had reached the Cottage and Caroline went in to
announce Wilson's arrival. Mrs. Bradford was still reading her paper,
but Miss Ethel had not yet returned from her errand to see if the
workmen were still working at the new houses.
I can't think, said Mrs. Bradford, what Ethel means by going on
like this. She just ran out with a shawl round her, and has been absent
three-quarters of an hour. I told her the men had stopped work, but she
would go to see for herself. I am afraid she may have fallen over a
brick or something in the fog. She turned to Caroline. I wish you
would just go and see.
Caroline went out at once and Wilson followed her with a word to
Mrs. Bradford. As they crossed the garden the privet hedge loomed like
a wall, and above it could be seen the dim outline of brickwork left
jaggedly unfinished. Caroline stumbled as she went through the little
side gate beyond the hedge, but righted herself immediately, and Wilson
withdrew the hand he had put out to help her. Then they walked
cautiously among the bricks in the long grass, calling out: Are you
there? Are you there? But all was dead silence. At last Caroline
caught her foot on something softdreadful. She had yet no idea why it
was dreadful. Then she bent closer. Miss Ethel! It's Miss Ethel! She
went down on her knees in the long grass. Miss Ethel! Are you hurt?
There was no answer, and Caroline said over her shoulder in a quick,
low voice: You'd better go and fetch a doctor. We must not move her
until we know if she has broken anything. Send Mrs. Bradford with some
And though she was so terribly sorry, she was also pleased with her
self-control. Aunt Ellen and Aunt Creddle would not have been able to
take it like this when they were nineteen. This was what darted through
Caroline's mind, even while she spoke.
But the next moment Miss Ethel moaned a little and began to sit up,
looking round her affrightedly at the half-built walls in the mist.
What's the matter? What's the matter? I'm on the wrong side of the
hedge. Then she remembered and began to shiver violently from head to
foot. I know. I came to see if the men were working. But they were
not. The field was all empty. ItI was so sure I heard themit
startled me not to find them here. I think I must have fainted.
Hush! Don't bother to talk now, Miss Ethel, said Caroline. You
are all right now.
You are sure you have not broken any bones? said Wilson.
Bones? No. Miss Ethel was recovering herself quickly. It's
nothing. I shall be all right in a minute or two. Here, give me your
I daresay you tripped over a brick, Miss Ethel; I very nearly did,
said Caroline, helping her to rise.
Yes, that was it, that was it! said Miss Ethel, speaking with a
sort of exhausted eagerness.
At first as they went up the field she held Wilson's arm, but soon
released it and went forward alone. I'm all right now, she insisted.
Quite all right.
Mrs. Bradford came out into the hall as they entered, and billows of
salt mist followed them in. Shut the door, please, she said. Then
you were not lost, Ethel. What on earth were you doing out there? I
began to get quite uneasy about you.
Miss Ethel, turning quickly, gave a look at the two who followed
her, but she herself had no idea of its pathos and urgency. I just
tripped on a brick and was stunned for a few minutesnothing to
So Caroline and Wilson knew they were to let it go at that.
And had the men gone? said Mrs. Bradford.
Yes. She paused. I thought I would just have a look round.
You are so restless, Ethel; why can't you keep quiet like me? said
Mrs. Bradford fretfully. It is a great mercy you didn't break a leg.
Caroline went out of the room to make a cup of tea for Miss Ethel,
and when she was lighting the gas-ring Wilson came in hurriedly, saying
in a low voice: I say, you won't mention anything about leaving them
to-night, will you!
What do you take me for? whispered Caroline back.
A girl with her head screwed on the right way, he said. Then
you'll stay and look after them for a little while longer, anyway? I
may tell Miss Temple that, may I?
You can tell who you like. I shall not mention leaving until Miss
Ethel is better, said Caroline.
Good girl! And I won't forget the typewriting machine, he
answered. One good turn deserves another. That sounds like Miss
Panton, doesn't it? And with that he hurried out of the kitchen.
Chapter VIII. The Height of
The sea-roke lasted for nearly two days and then lifted, the damp,
chill air giving place to cloudless sunshine. But even now, when the
sun was setting, no cool wind blew in from the sea across the promenade
thronged with people in thin dresses. This was so unusual in Thorhaven
that those familiar with the place kept saying to each other at
intervals: Fancy being able to sit here at this hour without a coat!
The air from the sea puffs into your face as if it came out of an
The band played outside to-nightnot in the halland a woman with
a good voice strained by open-air concerts during the past summer was
singing a song in which the words love and roses seemed to come
with more frequency and on higher notes than the rest, so that they
reached the extremist limits of the promenade, floating above the heads
of Caroline and Wilf as they sat extended on canvas chairs watching
those who walked slowly up and down. It was the night of the visitor
in excelsis. Stout, important matrons wearing the dresses they had
for afternoon calls at home in the towns moved slowly along in small
groups, with a solid man or so in attendance who smoked his pipe or
cigar and said little, but that little rather jocular. Girls tripped
by, either pale with the heat, or flushed, or protected from extremes
of temperature by a heavy layer of powder: and flappers with pert faces
and fluffy hair swung gaily along, always with a generous display of
fat neatly-stockinged leg. But it was all charming, particularly in the
evening light, because there was about it all such an appealing
atmosphere of youth and summer.
Caroline and Wilf leaned back at their ease in their chairs, making
remarks on those who went past. He was tired with the day's work in a
stifling office in Flodmouth, and she with her extra household
occupations at the Cottage owing to Miss Ethel's indisposition.
Good thing I happen to be only relieving Lillie this week, she
said. If it had been my turn to stop all day, I don't know what they
would have done at the Cottage. But Miss Ethel is better now. I had
meant to tell them I was leavingthat night she was taken ill, you
Well, I think it is a pity you hadn't got it done, said Wilf.
They'll be up to any dodge to keep you now. I know 'em. And he shook
his head wisely.
You surely don't imagine Miss Ethel sort of felt I was going to
give notice, and so fell down and hurt herself on purpose? said
But Wilf, pallid and exhausted with a burning day in a Flodmouth
officehis nerves slightly upset by too many cigaretteswas in no
mood to be chaffed.
I never gave a hint at anything so ridiculous, he answered
fretfully. I simply say that in my opinion you are not in your right
position there, and if you consult my wishes, you'll make other
arrangements as soon as possible. I did tell you so before, I think.
And I meant to do it, said Caroline. Honour bright, I did. She
glanced at him sideways. I don't care about it any more than you. Only
I promised Mr. Wilson I would stop on until Miss Ethel was better.
Wilson! said Wilf. What's he to do with it, I should like to
know. He doesn't seem to me to bother much about the old girls as a
rule. Then certain vague memories of that dance in the promenade hall
which had not been entirely obliterated by Wilson's skilful treatment
came back with renewed vividness. I see what it is; he's after you
himself. So long as you stop at the Cottage, he knows where to put his
hand on you. You needn't think I was such an owl as not to see he was
taken with you that night on the promenade. You knowwhen you had the
red dress on. But you needn't flatter yourself much over that sort of
attention, I can tell you. He'd have gone on just the same with any
sort of girl out of Flodmouth who happened to take his fancy for the
minute. You don't know men of his sort like I do. And now you're silly
enough to stop on at the Wilsons just because he asks you: even when I
ask you not. It's time you learnt
Don't talk rot! interrupted Carolinea sudden heat of anger
flushing her all over as she jumped up from her seat. I'm nothing to
Wilson and he's nothing to me. Look thereif you want any proof. That
doesn't look as if he had eyes for any other girl but his own, does
Wilf glanced in the direction indicated, and Caroline sat down
again. Then they both watched Wilson coming down the promenade with
Laura Temple, whose happy face was turned towards her lover with a glow
of trust and confidence upon it that no one could mistake: and when he
looked at her, his rather coarse-featured, harsh face was softened a
little, as if irradiated by that glow. They walked close together,
talking gaily as they threaded in and out of the crowd from which
advancing twilight had begun to steal the bright colours. Soon all
girls wearing white, even those with bold features and exaggerated
coiffures, became exquisite in that half light: and across the still
expanse of darkening sea the Flamborough Beacon swung out,
whitewhitered; a night made for young lovers.
But the two who sat on the long chairs by the rail of the promenade
were letting it all go by, engrossed in their own pricking
dissatisfaction. Well, what does it matter to me whether Mr. Wilson
and Miss Temple look soppy over each other, or not? said Caroline.
Then she rose again abruptly: My head aches. I'm tired of watching all
these people go past. It makes me feel dizzy. Let's go for a turn on
He remained obstinately seated on the canvas chair, his legs
stretched out before him. What's the use? When we've just paid
twopence each for our chairs? They'll be snapped up in a minute and we
shan't get any when we come back.
All right. You stop where you are, said Caroline, walking away.
He let her go until she reached the exit that led towards the cliff
top, then reluctantly rose from his seat and with long strides caught
her up. Oh, don't you come if you don't want to. I'm all right, she
said over her shoulder.
Don't be soft. People would think we'd quarrelled, said Wilf.
Let them think, then, said Caroline.
Oh, that's it, is it? He stood still. I can go back if you don't
want me, you know. I'm not one to force myself on anybody.
All right. Go back. They stood on the cliff beyond the promenade
peering into each other's angry faces, in the translucent dusk
reflected from the great expanse of sky and sea.
You mean that?
Yes, I do.
You want things to come to an end between us?
I'm not particular. She paused, then drew a long breath. Yesas
you put it like thatI do.
Well, if you do it now, it's done for good. You won't whistle me
back again, you know. I'm not that sort. If I go, I go. He paused,
adding with a sudden spurt of anger at her injustice: And I shan't
come back if you crawl on your hands and knees after me from one end of
the promenade to the other. I haven't done nothing. What's the matter
with you? But I can tell you. You're gone on that Wilson.
I aren't gone on him, said Caroline angrily. A man I hardly know.
You must have got a bee in your bonnet, Wilf.
I may, or I may not, but I'm not going to have my future wife
conduct herself in a silly style without saying a word, he answered
with youthful pomposity.
Your wife! It hasn't got to that yet, said Caroline. Then she
thrust her face nearer to his, adding impulsively: It would be years
and years before we could think of marrying. I didn't plan ahead like
that when we started keeping company, and I don't feel as if I could
ever look on you as a future husband, Wilf. I don't feel I ever shall
want to marry younot now it comes to it.
Then that's why you wouldn't have my ring, he said, his face blank
and pale in the twilight. He began to see that it was all realnot
just a tiff such as they had had before.
I suppose so, said Caroline, her tone changing toobecoming
anxious and slightly troubled. I didn't realize at the time, but I
expect I was shying away from the idea, if you know what I mean?
Oh, I know what you mean well enough. You're tired of me, and you
want to turn me down. But let me tell you you won't find fellows like
me growing on every gooseberry bush. I've always treated you like a
gentlemanI have. I never hinted a word when you were going out as day
girl to that woman who keeps a little shop in your street, though I
could see some of my pals thought I was walking out a bit beneath
myself. And this is the return I get. He jerked his hat back on his
head. It's enough to make a chap go to the dogs and enjoy himself:
blest if it isn't!
I'm sorry, Wilf. I know I'm behaving like a perfect pig, but when
it comes to marrying, you must have the right sort of feeling, or where
are you? said Caroline.
Well, I only know one thing. I wish to goodness I had bought that
second-hand motor-bike I wanted, instead of saving up the money against
getting married! Why, I fair couldn't sleep for thinking about it: and
now Simpson has bought it. And it was all for you. And now this is how
Oh, Wilf! You never told me. I never knew about the motor-bike,
said Caroline, taken aback.
There's lots of things you don't know about, said Wilf. However,
if you're bent on ending it all, I shan't try to stop you. I
aren't one to force myself upon a girl that doesn't want me.
Caroline's lip began to tremble Wilf, if I'd known about you giving
up the motor-bike I wouldn't never have spoken as I did. I do feel a
beast. But you have to think about yourself in this world or nobody'll
think for you. I can't see any reason in going on as we are doing for
years and then getting married when we're both dead sick of it all and
of each other. We only keep each other back. We should be better free.
Meaning you want to be free? He had to pause a minute, owing to a
thickness in his throat. All right. I shan't hold you to it. You go
and see if you can find a chap that can marry you straight off. That's
what you want. You'd never have broken with me if I'd had a big house
and plenty of money. I should not have been too young for you then.
You'd not have had to chuck me over then, to better yourself.
She was weeping nowvery grieved to hurt him, and yet, beneath her
softness, an iron determination to do what was best for herself; no
thought of sacrifice because of his pain entering her head. I'm so
sorry, Wilf. I'm so sorry, she murmured.
But he felt she was implacable. She was armoured by that phrase of
hers, she'd got to do the best for herself, and he knew he had no
weapon to pierce that armour.
They both stood on the edge of the cliff in silence, looking towards
the north where the Flamborough lights gleamed out at regular intervals
across the dark water. The promenade lay behind them, a fringe of pale
lights twinkling along the shore.
Caroline was crying for the sorrow she had given Wilf, but that only
lay on the surface, though genuine enough. Beneath that, all unknowing,
she mourned a loss which nothing could restore. She and Wilf had given
each other that first bloom of young attractionbright glances,
touches, cool kisses almost without passionand no power could bring
that back. They felt miserable, standing there with the little waves
coming inwhish! whish!upon the gravelly patch of sand: for there
lay at the bottom of their hearts a sense of something irretrievably
wasted, which they could never have in life any more.
Well. He spoke first, bitterly. I hope you may get your rich
chap. As you've no more need for me, I may as well go.
I'm not throwing you over for that, Wilf, said Caroline in a low
His subdued mood spurted up with a sudden irritability of jarred
nerves again. Then what are you for? That's what I should like to
II She sought to give him a true answer. You're not old
enough. I want a man, now I'm older. You won't be twenty-one for two
A man! He swung round towards her, peering with fury through the
twilight into her face. A man! What d'you call me? What do you take me
for? A man! He paused, choking for breath, then shouted out: Go and
find your man, then. I don't want you, I don't want you. I wouldn't
have you at a gift. A man! Not if you went down on your hands and
knees He was walking away as he spoke, shouting over his shoulder,
almost incoherent with the rage engendered by that sudden stab in his
tenderest spot. Just before he was beyond ear-shot, he paused a second
and called out: There'll be no going back. You needn't think it. I
shall pay the first instalment of a new bike in the morning.
So the dusk swallowed up his slim figure, and she was left by
herself on the cliff. After a while a couple came along closely
entwined and when they were close on her the girl said with a start:
Carrie? Is that you all by yourself? Where's Wilf?
Oh, he is a bit further on, said Caroline, striving to make her
voice sound casual. Don't you stop for me.
All right! So long as you haven't pushed him over the cliff,
Carrie, said the girl, laughing: then she and her young man went their
way, forgetting all about other people.
Caroline waited until they had gone some little distance before she
followed them, and as she walked alone on the cliff path with the stars
coming out, she had the strangest feeling of lonelinessof lacking
something that had always been there since she grew up. It was rather
as if she had cast some article of clothing which she had been in the
habit of wearing.
On reaching the more crowded part of the cliff near the promenade
her first instinct was to keep out of sight; for she had no young man
with her, and vaguely felt that she would look odd without one at this
time of night. It seemed so queer to be walking by herself on the
cliff in such an evening hourbut a further strangeness came with the
thought that she actually did not possess a boy at all. Nobody to
wait for her at the gate when she went out in the evening. No one to
hang round the pay-box at the promenade entrance to take her home. The
sense of missing something was a great deal stronger now than the sense
of freedom; she almost wished she had kept in with Wilf, despite that
other feeling that made her desire to break with him.
It was a relief to mingle with the crowd coming out from the
promenade, because people might suppose she had just left her post at
the gate; but she still kept that odd sensationlightened of a weight,
and yet comfortlessas if she had cast something which had been more
necessary to her than she ever realized.
Chapter IX. Wedding
Miss Ethel was walking up and down the garden with Laura Temple,
I heard Caroline practising on the typewriter as I came through the
hall. The kitchen door was open, said Laura.
Yes. She goes out much less now than she used to do. I fancy she
has broken off her engagement with that young man.
I'm glad Godfrey thought of lending her a machine, for it may make
her more satisfied to remain with you; but I daresay that was his
idea, said Laura. He is like that.
Is he? said Miss Ethel rather shortly, and added after a moment:
It was very kind of him, of course. She paused again, then broke out
vehemently: I hate and detest all this conciliating and kowtowing. If
only I could manage the work myself, I wouldn't do it.
But you can'tat least, not in this house, said Laura. She also
paused, looking deprecatingly at Miss Ethel. Now, in one of those
little new houses in Emerald Avenue, you might manage all right.
Oh, well, there are none to let, said Miss Ethel, so that is out
of the question.
But there is one for sale, said Laura: and with that she put her
hand through her companion's arm. Miss Ethel, she went on rather
timidly, Godfrey was wondering if anything would induce you to sell
the Cottage. He says he can get a most splendid price for it just now,
if you cared to sell. A man who made a tremendous lot out of trawlers
or something of that sort in the war is ready to give almost anything
you like to ask for it. And Godfrey could offer you a house in Emerald
Avenue with vacant possession. You would be quite comfortable there,
besides having so much less work.
Why didn't Godfrey come and tell me that himself, instead of
sending you to do his job? said Miss Ethel. But his commercial
instinct is his ruling passion, of course. He'd make use of anything or
anybody for business purposes. She waited a second, then burst forth:
He'd tan his grandmother if he could get a connection by selling her
You do him a great injustice, said Laura indignantly. If he did
not consider this a good thing for you, he would never have suggested
Well, perhaps not, responded Miss Ethel, exercising great
self-control; for she remembered that Godfrey was a Wilson, while the
girl to whom she spoke was after all not one yet. I dare say he means
it for the best. But I'd rather starve here than live in Emerald
Avenue. Please tell him that. I'm not so fond of my fellows that I
could tolerate hearing the next-door neighbour snore through the
bedroom wallwhich I understand you can do in these houses, if he
snores loud enough. I'm used to a decent privacy. She paused. I
couldn't stand it, Laura, she added in a different tone. Let us talk
about something else. I want you to come indoors and see your wedding
Laura turned her brown eyes full upon Miss Ethel, flushing a little
and smiling happily. She wore a rough tweed which exactly suited the
slight angularity and awkwardness of her tall figure, making it seem
just the kind of figure which every English girl living in the country
ought to possess, and her voice, always lovely, took on an added
sweetness as she said quickly: Doesn't it seem strange that a month
to-day I shall be married? I can hardly believe it.
Miss Ethel responded to that rather bleakly, but asked Laura to come
and inspect some china on the kitchen dresser from which she might
choose her wedding present.
As they entered the kitchen Caroline answered Laura's greeting
civilly, but she did not rise; and while the two stood looking at the
pretty Dresden china cups, with their backs turned towards her, she
continued her typing. Then after a while Miss Ethel went away to fetch
some small silver teaspoons bearing the Wilson crest which she intended
to give with the cups, so Caroline and Laura were left alone for a few
I see you are practising hard, said Laura. I hope the machine
goes well. She glanced at the pretty cups. I do seem to be lucky,
Yes. You're one of the lucky ones, said Caroline. But though she
smiled, there was a sound of bitterness in her tone which Laura was
quick to feel and understand. Poor child, it must seem a bit hard to
see another girl having a lover like Godfrey, and lovely presents, and
new clothes. Then a sudden kind thought came into her head. Miss Raby,
I wonder if you would care to have a look at my trousseau? I am showing
it to my friends next week. Could you come in for half an hour?
Caroline hesitated, but the Miss Raby, and the utter absence of
patronage, or of any other feeling but sheer good-nature, dispersed her
prickly fear of being condescended to, though she only answered rather
nonchalantly: Thank you, Miss Temple, I should be pleased to have a
look at your things.
That's right. What day can you come? said Laura. Will Tuesday
I am on duty all day next week, excepting for meal-times, but I
could get in for a few minutes about five, said Caroline.
Very soon after that Laura went away, and a little later, Miss Ethel
herself came out of the door, walking slowly across the garden because
she did not yet feel at all well. As she went, she noticed for the
first time a little flag flying on the roof-beams of the new house that
was being built just over the privet hedge. It flapped gaily in the
sea-breeze, and seemed to Miss Ethel's irritated perceptions an
impudent flag, though she did not formulate her thoughts and was
conscious only of a sense of annoyance when she caught sight of the
bright patch of colour.
As she glanced up the long hot road outside the garden, her heart
almost failed her: but she had collected for the Flodmouth hospital for
the past twenty-five years, and a strong sense of duty urged her to
continueespecially now that the people from whom she generally
collected were less able to give, and more houses had to be visited.
But she was not uplifted by any feeling of self-righteousness, because
it was just one of the things you didand there was an end of it. It
was a part of the system of life on which she had been brought up.
Half-way between the Cottage and Emerald Avenue she saw the Vicar on
the other side of the road. His first impulse was to hasten past
without speaking, because he had grown rather weary of her constant
diatribes against the changed state of the world; for he too had his
full share of the discomforts which come from living in an age of
transition, so he felt no desire to hear Miss Ethel press the point
home. However, she had been ill and he must do the polite. But as he
expected, she at once began. In answer to his inquiries about her
health, she said abruptly: Of course, I'm depressed. How can one be
anything else with the world as it is? Nobody seems to be happy here,
or to be sure of happiness hereafter.
You won't mend it by being miserable, said the Vicar, rubbing his
lean chin. I know many feel that it is wrong to be happy with so much
injustice and misery about, and there is a great danger that the best
soulswho feel this mostmay therefore give up creating happiness.
But that is just the same as if the violets gave up smelling sweet
because of the stenches that abound everywhere. Joy after a while will
leave us if we are not carefulthen we shall have nothing left but
bitterness and pleasure.
Pleasure is all people want nowadays, said Miss Ethel.
But you are one of the peopleand what do you want? said the
Vicar. No, Miss Ethel; there are now more men and women in the world
wanting to make things right for everybody than ever before in the
history of mankind. I sometimes feel as though I could see all the
millions just waiting to be shown how to do it. One wonders He
broke off, flushing a little, and added rather awkwardly: Well, I must
be getting on. I'm glad to hear you are better.
Miss Ethel continued her walk, pondering the Vicar's words. Was the
man thinking about the second coming of Christ? . . . And she
remembered how a nursemaid had read some magazine aloud to her long,
long ago by the nursery fire in which the very day and hour of the end
of the world were given. How she had trembled afterwards at the tipping
of a load of bricks in the road forbear that was the Day of Judgment
beginning. Then her thoughts came back again to the present. Was it
true that all these millions were waiting for a leader? Faith seemed to
be dying everywhere. Everything was differenteverything was
The words drifted achingly through her mind as she turned into the
gate of a largish house facing the main road, opening her
collecting-book as she went, so as to be ready with the name and
amount. At once she began to adjust her mind, ready for the short chat
with the lady of the house which was a necessary accompaniment of her
But it would be easier than usual to-day, for a topic was ready to
handmost of the ladies on whom she called taking a lively interest in
the Temple-Wilson wedding, anxious to know if Miss Ethel had seen the
bride lately, and if it were true that the trousseau surpassed all
previous ones ever seen in Thorhaven.
This interest was so widespread, indeed, that on Tuesday afternoon
when Caroline remarked just before leaving the pay-box on the promenade
that she was going to have a look at Miss Temple's wedding outfit, the
girl who took her place immediately went through varying stages of
surprise, curiosity and envy. She asked you! Well, you've got
something out of living with those old women for once. I wish I was
Wish you were! called back Caroline, insincerely. But as she went
alone down the road to the little house at the other end of the
village, her own desire to see the trousseau died away, so that when
she stood on the threshold looking through at the patch of bright
garden through the farther door, she began to wish she had not come. As
she stood there, Laura came from the garden, in which the colours were
less delicate, more vivid than before, but they still bloomed with the
peculiar, clear brightness which flowers seem to gain which have
survived the sharp spring of the East Coast.
Oh! I am so glad you could get off, Miss Raby, she said. Shall we
go straight up and see the things before tea?
I was going home to tea, murmured Caroline, a little abashed, yet
angry with herself for feeling so.
You would not have time, said Laura, leading the way. Please
stay. I was expecting you for tea.
Then they were in the room: and Caroline drew a long breath when she
saw the lovely garments spread forth on the bed and on the chairs and
tables. They were so exquisite in stitchery and in the fineness of the
material, that no girl who loved pretty things could look at them
without enjoyment; therefore Caroline's Oh, Miss Temple, I never,
never saw anything so lovely! was entirely natural and spontaneous.
Laura stood smiling and a little flushed in the midst of her dainty
garments; and the room seemed at that moment to be full of a very
charming atmosphere of girlish admiration and pleasure. One after
another the filmy things were touched softly or held up to the light,
while the two pairs of eyesone pair deeply glowing and the other wide
and brightmet over them in sympathetic appreciation.
But this is the sweetest of all, said Laura happily. She was
delighted to be giving pleasure, butbeneath thatshe equally enjoyed
indulging her desire to be liked by everybody. As she spoke she lifted
from the bed where it lay a most exquisitely embroidered dressing-gown
with a little cap to match.
Yes, lovely, said Caroline. But the alteration in her tone was so
marked and so sudden that Laura turned round quite sharply to see what
the matter was: and in so doing she caught something
cloudedsullenwhat was it? just passing across the other girl's
face. Why, of coursehow dreadfully hard to see somebody else having
all these beautiful things while you had nothing! Her sudden
realization of this point of view was so complete that she flushed
deeply from chin to forehead. What a perfect idiot she had beenwhen
she only meant to be kind.
All the same she was now mistaken; that change in Caroline's
expression being caused by something entirely different from what she
imagined herself to have discovered; and she would have been both
startled and surprised had she known the actual fact. As it was, her
one desire was to somehow retrieve her mistake. She looked at her
pretty things, trying eagerly to think of something that she could give
without seeming to patronize, and her glance fell on a box of coloured
handkerchiefs, so she took it up in her hand and said carelessly: Oh!
these don't belong here. A firm from whom I bought a great many things
sent me them, and they are a kind I never use. Still I had to keep
them. I wonder if you would take them with you out of the way?
Very kindI'm sure. But you'll find a use for them, murmured
Caroline, not extending her hand. The two girls looked away from each
other, both a little discomfited; and in doing so they saw a photograph
of Wilson in a silver frame which had been covered up and which the
removal of the handkerchiefs had left exposed.
In that brief silence the atmosphere subtly changed, though neither
exactly realized that it had done so.
Well, I'm afraid I must be going now, Miss Temple, said Caroline.
Thank you very much indeed for letting me see your things. And she
moved towards the door.
You are forgetting your handkerchiefs, said Laura, pressing them
into Caroline's hand. Do have them, just to please me. But you must
have a cup of tea before you go. It is all ready.
With that she led the way into the sitting-room, and Caroline lacked
the social address to disentangle herself from the situation without
being actually rude. She did not want to be that, therefore followed
Laura, and as they went into the room Wilson rose from a seat by the
window. But his heavy figure was silhouetted with a sort of hazy,
golden outline against the strong afternoon light, and so she could not
see his expression.
Been viewing the marvels upstairs, Miss Raby? he said easily, as
she shook hands with Miss Panton. Take this comfortable chair, won't
you? It must be an exhausting job.
No, have this; you'll find it much nicer, said Laura, laughing.
But as they stood together, making much of Caroline, she saw that the
chair Wilson had indicated was evidently one sacred to himself. The
long, low seat, and the small table near containing cigarettes,
ash-trays, pipes, and other conveniences, all pointed to the same care
on the part of these two women.
Caroline sat down on the chair offered by Laura and crossed her feet
with aggressive nonchalance because she was feeling nervous. Anyway,
this is a good deal different to mine on the prom., she said, suddenly
anxious to let Miss Panton clearly understand that she was the girl on
the promenade, and not Miss Wilson's servant.
Miss Panton looked at her over the teacups and said: Sugar? Bilk?
with the catarrh very much in evidence.
I didn't tell you, Miss Raby, did I, that Miss Panton has given me
a foot-muff for the car? said Laura, speaking rather quickly,
conscious of some odd constraint in the air. We are going for a motor
tour in the Lake District for our honeymoon. Every one says it is ideal
in September. I have never been, oddly enough.
Well, the glut of honeymooning couples in the Lakes is now a thing
of the past, said Wilson, smiling at his future bride. There was a
time when a certain hotel at Windermere swarmed with them, I believe.
Everybody looking out of their eye-corners at breakfast time to see if
she knew how many lumps of sugar he took in his coffee.
Miss Panton murmured something about Wordsworth, obviously thinking
that a more fitting topic to be discussed before a young person who was
taking tea on sufferance with her betters.
Perhaps Miss Raby is like me, and doesn't care much for
Wordsworth, said Laura, looking across at her guest in a very friendly
fashion. I never got beyond 'We are seven,' and never wanted to.
It's never too late to bend, retorted Miss Panton, still austere;
her glance resting with deep disapproval upon the neatly stockinged leg
which Caroline displayed.
Come, Nanty, said Laura, laughing. Don't be so superior. You know
you don't really care for anything but a love-story with a happy ending
yourself. She paused, looking round at them with her happy, brown
eyes: Well, there isn't anything better: is there?
Of course not, said Wilson, just touching Laura's shoulder as he
passed her in handing the cake to Caroline. But as he did so his glance
met Caroline's by chance, and he became instantly aware that she had
been watching him, for she looked hastily away, while a colour which
she could not control came into her cheeks, deepening and deepening
until it almost brought tears to her eyes.
She sat near the window with the full light on her face, somehow
oddly defenceless in her extreme embarrassment, and he could see the
light powdering of freckles on her nose, as well as that curious,
camellia-petal fineness of skin which always escaped notice until the
observer came quite close, for there was a tinge of sallowness in the
colour which prevented people from admiring it at first sight.
But a decent man who is to be married in a month does not, of
course, indulge in speculations about another girl's complexionat any
rate, he does not encourage himself in doing soand very soon Caroline
removed temptation out of his way by rising and taking her leave.
As she said good-bye, the lovers stood in the doorway with the
sunshine on their faces and the bright flowers seen through the far
door behind them. She was glad to get away, her mind in a whirl of
gratitude, defiance, curiosity and envy which bewildered herself. Of
course, it was nice of Miss Temple to ask her to tea and treat her like
any other girl friend, but anybody could be nice when they were getting
everything in the whole world that they could want. . . . Her thoughts
paused on that. That didn't always make people kind
She started at the sound of the church clock and began to run, lest
she should be late for the promenade.
But when she arrived her budget of news proved very disappointing to
the expectant Lillie, who had lingered round the pay-box with her own
tea waiting at home in the hope of hearing in more detail what every
separate garment was like. But when she at length extracted the
information that Wilson was also there, and that the party had taken
afternoon tea together, her curiosity became intense.
Did they look as if they were awfully gone on each other? I always
thinks she seems sweet, and I think he ought to consider himself lucky,
don't you? I say, fancy if you or I were in her place and going to be
married next month? Feel funny, wouldn't it? But I shouldn't care much
to be taking him on, should you? Too jolly cocksure for me.
Chance is a bonny thing, said Caroline shortly. I'll shut the
door if you don't mind. There's a fearful draught blows through this
place with it open.
The girl went round to the turnstile on her way out and addressed a
last remark to Caroline through the little window. You needn't be
chippy with me because you haven't got twelve of everything all
hand-embroidered. It isn't my fault! she flung over her shoulder.
And having thus revenged herself for her colleague's
uncommunicativeness, she went her way.
Caroline, left alone in her chair before the little window,
automatically scanned the faces of those passing through the barrier,
ready to release the clutch with a Good evening if the person were
known to her, or to say in a dull monotone, Six-pence, please, to a
stranger. Every now and then she glanced at the darkening sky towards
the North where clouds were gathering up, and after a while, single
drops of rain began to fall. Very soon the empty promenade glittered
black under a downpour, the lights making streaks of pale gold across
it. People only came in now at infrequent intervals; a few dark figures
hurried along the promenade; while the sound of the band in the covered
hall drifted across through the open windows, mingling with the deep
voice of a storm rising far out at sea.
After a while Wilf passed through, ostentatiously indifferent. Oh,
that you, Carrie? Good evening, I didn't see it was you at first.
Beastly night, isn't it? And he went on jauntily, sticking his hands
in the pockets of his mackintosh.
Caroline watched him go with a most illogical sense of being
deserted; then the turnstile clicked and she had to release the clutch,
letting through a pleasant-looking mother with a daughter of about
seventeen, both so happy in each other's companymaking a lark of
coming out together to hear the band on such a wet night. Caroline's
unreasonable feeling of being alone and deserted deepened. For the
first time in years, she consciously wanted her own motherlonged for
her with an ache of the heart that almost brought tears. She seemed so
alone. Aunt Creddle was goodness itself, but had her own family to
think of first, of course, and could no longer take quite such a vivid
interest in a niece as when her own children were quite little. Uncle
Creddle had a steady kindness which nothing could change, but he too
was a struggling man with a family. Besides, he was rather hard in some
ways beneath his good-nature. She still remembered how he had spoken to
her that evening when he found her screaming and playing about those
empty houses with the boys.
No, she belonged nowhere: that was it. She did not think as the
Creddles did about lots of things, and yet she did not belong to the
world which girls like Miss Laura Temple lived in, either. She had got
past one sort, and had not found another. All these thoughts passed
confusedly through a mind that had been quickened by something
incomprehensible in her experiences at Laura Temple's that afternoon.
Through her thoughts she heard the hum of the sea, the tinkling fall of
heavy rain on asphalt, the faint rising and falling of violin music.
She felt a sudden spirit of rebellion. Why shouldn't she have some
fun? She would enjoy herself! She wasn't going to go on like this,
letting people in to the promenade, doing housework, practising
typewriting. Why did some girls get everything, like Laura Temple, and
others nothing? It was not fair. It was not fair
Then she saw Wilson at the little window. Good evening. Stormy
night! he said, and passed through without any further remark.
She knew he had come straight from Laura's and was taking a short
cut across the parade to his own lodgings, which were beyond the exit
towards the north. He had come from no desire to see her. Still he
might have spoken a word: he need not have gone through like that, as
if it were only Lillie working the turnstile.
As she thought that, she felt a tear on her lips. Licking it off,
she demanded furiously of herself how she could be such a fool as to
cry about nothing. She must be run down. She must want a tonic.
Then she glanced up at the sound of a step approaching from the
promenade, and there was Wilson's face, quite near, looking in at her
little window. You'll have a wet walk home, I'm afraid, he said.
Yes. Her voice held a faint surprise, for he had already spoken
once about the weather. But I have an umbrella here.
That's a good thing. He hesitated. I might have lent you one,
only it is rather large for a little girl, he added, speaking with a
sort of artificial jocosity. You must find that road rather dark and
lonely on a night like this? He paused again. Don't you?
For a moment or two she did not speak, and that silence somehow gave
her answer an undue significance. Yes, she said at last.
He opened his lips to speak, then suddenly his expression changed
and he moved away from the window. Wretched night! Wretched night! he
said, walking briskly on.
Caroline sat back in her chair, almost feeling as if she had been
struck in the facefor a question had been asked and answered during
that silence which involved all sorts of joys, fears, infidelities;
then in a minute he banished them so utterly that she could scarcely
believe they had ever been in question.
The next moment Mr. and Mrs. Graham were at the window. Oh,
dreadful night, is it not? You must feel the wind here.
Then they were merged into the shadow of the hall, warning each
other as they went along against taking cold. Caroline saw what had
happened now. Wilson had no doubt caught sight of the Grahams over his
shoulder, and had not wished them to see him talking to her.
Very well!she was in a flame from head to footvery well! When he
But beneath all that she sensed a weak longing for him which she was
trying to drown in a flood of exaggerated indignation. Something told
her that when he did want to speak to her again she would not be able
to refuse: for he was not only a man for whom she felt a personal
attraction, but he was also a type towards which all her new ambitions
aspired. Poised as she now was, between what she had left and where she
desired to be, he represented to her an idealassured, educated, a
But though he did not walk home with herin spite of what he said
of the lonely roadshe was not to go by herself after all. For a young
man who was a connection of the Creddlesa railway porter by
tradechanced to pass just as she was leaving the promenade, and
escorted her as far as the gate of the Cottage. He was a good-looking,
intelligent youth, with a pleasant, hearty manner and a fair share of
those solid qualities which adorned Mr. Creddlethe very man to make a
good father and a good husband. Already attracted by Caroline, he would
have gone further that night if he had not been discouraged, but she
thought of his broken and blackened finger-nails, and of the noise he
made when he drank tea, and so they parted at the gate without anything
definite being said.
But as she ran up the garden path with her self-esteem thus
agreeably restored, she had not the faintest idea that she had just
passed by that rarest thing in lifea chance of real happiness.
Chapter X. Sunday Night
The long street leading to the church was thronged with people who
walked slowly, smiling and talking to each other, either going towards
the lanes beyond the little town, or towards the sea. But a third sort,
much smaller in number, threaded rather quickly in and out of the
gently-moving crowds with an air of obeying some purpose within
themselves and not merely enjoying the lull in the wind at sundown and
the warm air. And above it all, clanging out from the grey tower, the
last bell rang out a single note urgently: Come! Come! Come!
A good many did not notice the bell at all; others just took it in
as a sound of Sunday evening which ministered pleasantly to their
agreeable feeling of having nothing to do but enjoy themselves;
scarcely anyone was troubled by declining that invitation, because the
habit of church-going has fallen from the position of a duty to that of
a compliment which the religiously disposed are willing to pay their
God if quite convenient.
Caroline walked briskly, now and then glancing up at the clock on
the tower as if she belonged to the purposeful minority which was
making its way to the grey porch. Not that she had started out with any
intention of going to the service, but her girl friend had come across
an admirer at the church corner, and so it became necessary to do
something in self-defence. Impossible to contemplate wandering alone on
a Sunday evening without a companion of any sort. The lack of a boy
for such a purpose made Caroline feel oddly self-consciousas if
people were staring at her and wondering. She would have been glad of
the young railway porter's company now, if he had turned up, and would
have welcomed him as a sort of refuge.
He sat and smoked on a bench by the sea front, however, all unaware
of the opportunity that was rushing past him, never to return. At the
last insistent Come! Caroline caught sight of Lillie with a young man
rounding the next bend of the road, and the idea of being pitied for
her solitary condition made her march straight up the flagged path to
the church door, as if she had meant going ever since leaving home.
But once inside the church, she experienced a gradual cessation of
that prickling awareness of other people's thoughts and other people's
eyes which had been so uncomfortable on the road. For she was familiar
with the servicehaving gone to the Sunday school in childhood and
attended church at times since, though the Creddles were chapel
folkso that the places in the Prayer Book came automatically to her
fingers, and the soothing flow of the words gave her a chance to come
to herself. She did not worship in any real sense of the word, but her
mind was, despite itself, attuned to peace. From all the perils and
dangers of this night Then, after an interval during which the
sunset struck golden across a tomb in the chancel: The grace of our
Lord Jesus Christ . . . now and for evermore. Amen.
She rose from her knees and her glance fell upon Miss Ethel, who sat
a fair distance away in the sparsely filled side aisle. She wondered
whether Miss Ethel were a really religious sort or notyou never heard
her mention a word about it, and she seemed so up against
Then the hymnold-fashioned because the Vicar was away and the
elderly organist who had chosen it liked that kind best. Perhaps he
knew that all religion must at the last be a matter of feeling and not
of reason, for he had lived such a long time in the world and really
loved God. But the strange preacher who was going to occupy the pulpit
looked down the church at the congregation singing and felt they
required a great deal of sound teaching. So, being a good man with a
high ethical standard, he stepped up into the pulpit and did his best
during the opportunity which was at his disposal to correct the effect
of what he considered sentimental doggerel.
But as Caroline listened to him, she felt his explanations of a
reasonable faith washing away from her mind all the beautiful pictures
which had been stored there and had formed part of her life, though she
had not valued them. No doubt he meant well; still the explanations
took away and gave nothing to fill the empty place. Soon her mind
wandered and she caught sight of a hat trimmed in a way that was
exceedingly smart and easy enough to copy; so that occupied her
attention until she heard the familiar rustle among the congregation
and the Now which gives release.
The clergyman stood near the east window to give the blessing with a
side light slanting across his white surplice, and a thought darted
into Caroline's mind, turning her hot from head to footWhy, that was
just how the Vicar would stand with the bride and bridegroom before him
at the altar-rails in three weeks' time! And a vision of Laura in her
veil beside Wilson's broad, strong figure gave her a queer, unhappy
feeling of irritation and pain; yet somehow she wanted to indulge the
painto press it in upon her senses by dwelling on it.
Then her healthier instincts suddenly revolted. It's nothing to me.
I aren't jealous of another girl getting married! I could be married
myself to-morrow if that's all. But deep within her she felt it was
not all; so rising abruptly she went out, not looking again at the
Miss Ethel came forth more deliberately, nodding to one here and
there among the townspeople as she passed under the porch into the cool
evening, but her salutations were not acknowledged with the appearance
of gratification or respect which she had seen accorded to her parents
years agoyoung people from shops and post-offices nodded off-handedly
back, or at most gave a somewhat condescending Good evening, Miss
Wilson, feeling in their confident youth and independence that it was
they who had done her the favour.
It was all so different; that constant burden of her thoughts
And as she walked home through the end of the sunset, the forlorn
restlessness of the cat turned out of its basket and forced to wander
in cold, strange places seized upon her again. She could not formulate
her unease excepting by that one phrase: it was all so different.
When she reached home, Mrs. Bradford looked up with a sort of solid
expectancy: Well, did you have a good sermon?
I suppose so. The Vicar was not there. The man we had explained to
us that there was no heaven and no God, so I suppose he was very
Mrs. Bradford stared, then relaxed comfortably into her cushions
once more. Oh, you mean he held those new views about religion, she
said. I have just been reading a novel that has something about that
in it. Was he young? I always like a young preacher, because their
voices are generally stronger and you can hear better.
Miss Ethel had gone to the window and now stood there, looking out.
The eyebrow which was affected a little by emotion or excitement gave a
slight twitch occasionally and her lips were pressed close together.
She saw the little flag on the roof over the privet hedge hanging quiet
on the still air, and it added to her sense of being conquered by those
forces which had been creeping on steadily, bit by bit, until she could
not ignore them any more than the new houses.
But she had never before felt it as she did to-night, looking up at
that exquisite clear sky with the sickle moon rising. She was not well,
tired with the walk and the service; and a most unwonted pressure of
tears ached behind her eyes, though she fiercely fought against them.
Ethel! said Mrs. Bradford. What are you standing there for? Why
don't you go and take off your things for supper?
I am going. Miss Ethel controlled her voice to speak as usual.
I'll just put the kettle on first, because Caroline won't be in for
some time yet. And she began to cross the room, when suddenly,
abruptly, she stopped short. Standing quite still in the midst of all
those heavy chairs and tables that gleamed dimly in the falling dusk,
she blurted out in a queer, strangled tone: I hated that sermon. I
don't think clergymen ought to be allowed to preach like that. They
want to change God. They can't even leave God the same.
You really do upset yourself about things so, Ethel, said Mrs.
Bradford fretfully. She wanted her supper. What does it matter to you
what other people think? You should just take no notice and go on in
your own way, and believe what you always have believedas I do.
Miss Ethel made some inarticulate reply, and went out to put on the
kettle. Not for any earthly consideration would she have told her
sister that that was exactly what she could not do: that because she
listened carefully to sermons and read articles about religion the
unchanging God was gradually giving place to a vague Power which
nebulously adapted itself to the needs of a changing civilization.
The gas-ring spurted under the match in her hand, lighting up with a
bluish light her pale, thin face. Her lips moved as she murmured to
herself for comfort: The same yesterday, to-day and for ever.
But she could not find anything to hold on to in that any more.
Then she heard an unexpected sound at the door, and the next minute
Caroline came in, drawing off her gloves.
I'll see to the hot water, Miss Ethel, she said.
You are in early to-night, said Miss Ethel.
Yes. Caroline paused. Oh, I have been going to tell you that I
shall But with the words nearly over her lips, she found herself
unable to speak them. Shall be late in to-morrow, she substituted;
for somehow she could not after all cut herself adrift from this house
yet, though she came fresh from a conversation which had left her
burning with annoyance.
She tingled still at the recollection of one girl saying to another
in passing: That's Caroline Raby! What's she doing? Oh, she's in
service. And at the memory of her own sharply-flung: I'm not in
service, then! I take tickets on the promenade and I'm going into an
office after that.
But though it was evident that she was regarded by some as being in
service, and though she felt no higher regard for it than anyone else
who has just emerged from women's oldest and grandest profession, she
could not bring herself to break the threads which held her to these
two womenand to something beyond them which she would not realize.
But after she was in bed, she could see in the darkness the church
window in the sunset, and the altar rails, and the clergyman standing
as he would do when Wilson and Laura were married.
So the three women lay in bed, thinking their own thoughts, with the
sea moaningmoaningas it broke in a long even wave and withdrew on
the soft sand; quite a different sound every day, though Miss Ethel had
heard it for fifty-six years. But she was scarcely conscious of hearing
it at all, though it had formed an accompaniment to every thought and
action of her life during all those years.
But to-nightperhaps because it was so warm and still, and she had
the window facing the sea wide openshe did really listen to the
waves; and that sound might perhaps have comforted her, with its deep
note of unhasting permanence, if the ears of her mind had also been
open to hear. But she only felt its melancholy. It seemed to accentuate
her forlorn sense of having nothing stationary to hold on to, not even
an unchanging God.
Chapter XI. The Gala
The Thorhaven season had passed its height, and that August month,
towards which all the efforts of the lodging-house keepers and
tradespeople converged during the year, was nearly at an end, while on
every fence and wall employed for bill sticking could be read in large
letters: A Great Gala Night will take place on Thursday, August the
twenty-ninth. Splendid Illuminations. Continental Attractions. Dancing
on the Green from eight to ten-thirty.
The term Continental Attractions was the inspiration of Mr. Graham,
who had recently visited the South of France on account of his wife's
healthat least he gave that as his reason, though Mrs. Graham told
all her friends confidentially that she would never have incurred so
much trouble and expense if her husband had not shown symptoms of
incipient bronchitisand she equally believed herself to be speaking
the truth. Anyway, there it was; and from the visit to Cannes resulted
this idea of imparting a joie de vivre to the Thorhaven Gala by
means of paper streamers and air balloons. There had been some
consideration of squeakers and false noses; but one or two members of
the Promenade Sub-Committee raised the reasonable objection that the
squeakers would interfere with the band, while the false noses
Well, there was something indefinably loose about false noses which
they could feel but could not describe in words. At any rate, they were
not going to allow such things on their promenade.
There was a good deal of talk concerning the Gala in the town; so
that those inhabitants who were familiar with illustrated magazines and
the lighter dramaand also possessed a sanguine temperamentno doubt
went about picturing to themselves a still night with coloured lanterns
hanging motionless against a deep blue sky, while a crowd of exuberant
visitors disported themselves in pale garments and unusual attitudes
for the amusement of the Thorhaven people.
But the clerk of the weather was not going to have anything so
incongruous as all that, and the 29th rose cold and greyone of those
summer days which are a premonition of autumn. A strongish wind blew
from the west; leaves came whirling down on the road leading to the
promenade, and the sky was grey-black with clouds scudding across;
while beneath it, a rising sea showed a line of white breakers in the
gloomlike the cruel teeth of a monster seeking something to devour.
Still the evening came with no sign of rain; the band stationed at
the edge of the green played cheerful dances with a will, and it was no
fault of theirs that the music sounded so lost and futile amid the
roaring of the searather as if a penny whistle were to be played in a
cathedral while the organ was booming out solemn music among the
springing arches. Perhaps the visitors and the Thorhaven people felt
something of this themselves, for they put no real zest into their
attempts at carnival, but they danced rather grimly in the cold wind,
with little tussocks in the grass catching their toes and the fairy
lamps which edged the lawn blowing out one after the other.
At the windiest corner, near the hall, was planted the respectable
middle-aged woman who sometimes assisted in cleaning the churchthough
she was herself an ardent Primitiveand in her arms she held a
struggling mass of air balloons which seemed most anxious to escape
over the North Sea to those parts of Europe where carnival is more at
home. But no one seemed to be buying from her excepting a few children,
whose needs were soon satisfied. Then a worn-looking young man came up
and purchased two balloons for his children at home, but after that the
woman stood there alone again, with the balloons buffeting about her
At another point farther down the promenade, a boy suffering from a
slight cold in his head offered for sale a tray of those snake-like
paper missiles which can be shot out suddenly with startling effect.
But he seemed rather ashamed of his job and kept in the gloom as much
as possible, now and then making a sale among the children, who ran in
and out behind the more sheltered seats where their elders sat in
Mr. Grahamas the originator of these attractionsfelt exceedingly
impatient, both with his fellow-townspeople and the visitors, as he sat
watching. A chill air blew down the back of his neck and he was
conscious of an incipient cold, which all added to his feeling of
bitterness. No earthly use trying! he burst forth, rising abruptly
from his seat. English people don't know how to enjoy themselves, and
it's no use trying to teach them.
He scowled first at the scene before him and then at his wife, who
sat with Mrs. Bradford and Miss Ethel on a long wooden seat.
You couldn't imagine the weather would be like this, dear, said
Mrs. Graham soothingly.
The air will do us good, added Miss Ethel, a little pink about the
nose, but wishful to be polite.
Well, there's plenty of it, he said bitterly, grabbing his hat,
which threatened to blow away.
It was plain that he jested with an anxious heart, thinking of what
might be said of his venture at the next Council meeting. Those very
offensive fellows who always were against him would, of course, make
capital out of this. . . . Suddenly he braced himself up and strode
away across the lawn. They should frisk, if any influence of his
could make 'em!
His wife looked after him sympathetically, then turned to Miss
Ethel. That's right! she said. Arthur will soon put a little more
spirit into them. You see he knows how it is done. I shall never forget
the way he entered into the spirit of the thing that time when we were
abroad. If you could have seen him going down the Plage with a sort of
a rattle in his hand and his hat on one side But there's something
in the climate, of course.
I suppose there must be, said Miss Ethel, with an involuntary
glance at the couples jigging solemnly about the grass in front of her.
They sat silent for a time, feeling colder and colder, but sparing
Mrs. Graham's feeling by remaining where they were. Isn't that
Caroline? said Mrs. Bradford, after a long pause.
I dare say. She told me the arrangements were somewhat different
this evening, and she was to come off duty at half-past nine, said
Then Mr. Graham came back and bumped himself down so heavily on the
wooden seat that the ladies felt a slight jar.
No life! he exclaimed. No gaiety! No joie de vivre! He
paused, blowing his nose. Well, this is the last time. I'll never
attempt anything of the sort again.
You must not say that. I am sure the Thorhaven people are
grateful, murmured Miss Ethel.
Old fool! blurted out Mr. Graham with alarming ferocity and
suddenness. A woman like that ought to be kept indoors when other
people are enjoying themselves, and only taken out in a churchyard on a
chain. Fit for nothing else!
Arthur! What are you talking about? said his wife, naturally
Well, he said, then had to swallow and choke. Well, I bought one
of those paper snakes just to encourage the lad and set things going a
bit. Then I let it run out as I passed a dull-looking group that seemed
not to be enjoying themselves. Andand
A wretched woman turned round and called me an impudent old
scoundreltold me she didn't want any grey-haired married men after
I don't believe it! I can't! She meant somebody else. Don't you
feel sure she must have meant her remark for some other passer-by, Mrs.
Bradford? said Mrs. Graham, much agitated by his annoyance.
Mrs. Bradford eyed Mr. Graham with stolid thoroughness. I think she
must. He doesn't look at all like that. But my husband used to say that
the sedate middle-aged-looking ones were often the worst, so perhaps
she may have thought the same.
If she did, she was an idiot, said Mrs. Graham; then abruptly
changed the subject. Oh, there's Godfrey Wilson! I suppose he often
comes through here on his way to his rooms.
Yes, that's it. No fear of his wanting to dance with the girls on
the promenade nowadays, answered Mr. Graham, beginning to recover
himself by degrees. Well, Lizzie, I think we've had enough of this,
don't you? Shall we go in and have a bit of supper? Then I will see
Mrs. Bradford and Miss Ethel home.
But as they walked away, he could not refrain from casting a
backward glance at the decent woman struggling with her unruly
air-balloons, and a sense of disappointed joie de vivre came
over him once more. I wish to goodness the whole bag o' tricks would
blow away into the sea, he said. I'd willingly pay the piper. I'm
sick to death of seeing the things bob up and down in the wind.
Are you? said Miss Ethel in her sharp way. Then why don't you buy
them all up and send them to the children at the Convalescent Home that
Laura is so interested in?
Now that's an idea, said Mr. Graham at once. For the feeling that
it was his duty to give to a charitable institution when he could, had
been handed down to himit was a part of life, no less natural than
having his hair cut or going to the dentist's. Out in the new, changed
world this instinctive generosity might already be taking
flightscared away, as the fairies had been by steam trafficbut in
Thorhaven it still remained.
So he went back to the woman selling air-balloons with restored
self-satisfaction, and stood there in the high wind, diving into his
pockets for the amount required. The air balloons blew aboutpurple,
pink and whiteall looking almost equally colourless by the faint
light as they bobbed about the woman's head, impeding her view of the
purchaser. A few moments later she was making her way home, thankful to
be done with a job which seemed to her ridiculous.
Chapter XII. The End of
Godfrey Wilson waited until Mr. Graham had departed, then strolled
slowly along the promenade towards Caroline. He had no real objection
to anyone knowing that he spoke to her, but preferred to say a
necessary word or two about the type-writing machine when Miss Ethel
and her party were not there. This is what he told himself as he went
along the path to the place where she stood with another girl, watching
All the same it was something deeper than argument which informed
his movementssomething stronger than common sense. It was a stirring
of the insatiable curiosity of the human being who has begun to be
sexually interested in another. Though not exactly coarse-fibred, he
was so far removed from anything attenuated as almost to be so. He only
thought of himself.
He wanted to know what she was thinking of him, whether she liked
him more or less than when they last met. And yet in spite of that he
believed himself to be quite honest when he assured his conscience that
he only wanted to say something about a paper carrier which had not
worked well. For instinct is such a wonderful hand at camouflage that
he believed quite honestlydespite previous experiencethat he wanted
nothing more. For the most wonderful thing about this kind of deception
is that the same old trick may seem new time after time. Just as a
healthy woman forgets what she has gone through on having her child, so
a very virile man will forgetin a waywhat he has experienced in
pursuit of a girl.
At any rate, Godfrey Wilson was not at all conscious of going over
old ground; though when he approached Caroline saying rather formally,
Good evening, Miss Raby. I just wanted to ask you if that paper
carrier was working satisfactorily now he could not quite ignore
the suggestion of a giggle in the attitude of Caroline's companion, who
moved away at once with some murmur about finding a cousin. The Two's
company and three's none! in her tone spoke as plainly as that. Wilson
felt annoyed by it.
Oh well, that was all I wanted to know, he said when she had given
the information, and he spoke rather loudly and distinctly, so that
anyone near might hear.
But as Caroline at once moved away to follow her friend, he suddenly
felt that he wanted to say something more.
The Gala has not been a very gay affair, has it? Nearly over now,
though, he said.
She stood still again and they both glanced up and down the long
promenade, which was fast emptying: just then a heavy cloud sailed
across the moon, obscuring everything but those islands of light near
the gas-lamps. The little coloured globes were by now more than half
blown out, while the rest flickered uncertainly, accentuating the windy
darkness. It was the last dance, and the band played very quickly. The
few couples left were mostly men and girls more or less in love with
each other who wanted to spin out the happy hours.
Come! said Wilson, putting his arm round Caroline's waist, on the
impulse of the moment. Let's dance these last few bars. It is all
All over It was curious how the words echoed in his own mind as
he circled round faster and faster. He would not be dancing with little
girls on the Thorhaven promenade any more after to-night. He would be a
married man when the next Gala took placeranged, respected; and
though he felt a deep affection for Laura, he knew it was not on that
altar alone that he had sacrificed his freedom. His wife's fortune
would also just lift him above the dead-level where opportunities are
very few, into the region where a clever and enterprising man with
ambition is certain to find many; but he was sufficiently fond of Laura
to make the prospect of matrimony with her agreeable, though he was not
what is called a marrying man.
But a bridegroom of his type is bound to have regrets, unless in the
thrall of an engrossing passion; and to-night Wilson felt these
misgivings more acutely than he had done since his engagementperhaps
because the loss of bachelor freedom was getting so near. Therefore his
dance with Carolinethough such a trivial matter in itselfwas not
simply a dance, but a last fling: and he felt a ridiculous desire to
call out to the band to go on when he heard them stopping, so as to
prolong something in his own life which he knew to be nearly at an end.
He did not do so, of course; and the performers at once began to
pack up, thankfully looking forward to warmth and bed. Wilson and
Caroline chanced to stop dancing near the turnstile leading on to the
cliff, so they went out that way, which was near his lodgings, and
equally convenient for her to reach the Cottage. One or two couples
passed out just before them, but Caroline and Wilson were the last, and
when they stepped into the clayey ground at the beginning of the cliff
path, they seemed to plunge all at once into absolute darkness.
Careful! cried Wilson sharply. You'll be over the cliff in a
minute, if you don't look out. And he put his hand through her arm.
The sea gleamed very faintly under the black sky as they turned
their backs on it and walked cautiously along the uneven path leading
to the main road. At the corner she stood still and withdrew her arm.
I can manage all right now. It was so dark under the shadow of that
wall. Good night.
Oh no. I can't let you go home alone. You would be walking into a
fence or spraining your ankle over a stone heap before you got to the
Cottage, he answered. Come on. And he took her arm again. There!
You see you are stumbling already.
She had trodden carelessly, disturbed by his touch, and she felt his
grasp strengthenthen felt some instinct in herself fighting against
it. No. I'll go alone. I can quite well. I'd rather. I hate bringing
you so far out of your way. She spoke in short phrases, nervously.
Of course, I can't let you walk home by yourself in this, he said,
his assurance somehow increased by her fluttering nervousness. Don't
be a silly girl. What are a few hundred yards to me one way or
Oh well! Caroline suddenly gave way, feeling she had been making
ridiculously too much of it. Must be after eleven, she murmured. The
Committee extended the time to eleven. I expect they'll wish they
hadn't, when it was such a cold night.
I suppose they've been out after eleven before. But she knew by
his tone he was not thinking of what he was saying. All that they had
really to say to each other seemed to be passing through the electric
current which passed between his strong, warm fingers and the tingling
flesh of her armthough they actually did discourse about Mr. Graham,
and the balloons, and the financial disappointment which the Gala must
have been to the Committee.
But near the gate of the Cottage Caroline resolutely withdrew her
arm. Please don't come up the drive. I'd rather you didn't. Good
night! She spoke in a low voice, hurriedly.
Sure you're all right? he said.
Yes. Yes. Good night, she repeated.
He let her go a few steps, then she suddenly felt an arm of iron
about her, the brief touch of his lips on her cheekheard his voice
saying with a queer accent of triumph: I knew it would be like that!
He was gone, leaving her standing there. He had satisfied the urge
of a burning curiosity which had assailed him first as she sat in the
window of Laura's drawing-room, and he noticed the magnolia texture of
her healthy pallor and the little golden powdering of freckles on her
nose. He had fought against that recollection. He had been ashamed to
have begun it there. Now as he strode away into the dark he swore to
himself that he was satisfied; he would never let himself go again;
that he would be faithful to Laura in thought and deed.
As for Carolinewell, he remembered that she had walked out with a
young man named Wilf; probably with others before that. A kiss more or
less was not a serious thing to a girl of that sort; though he felt
sorry, all the same, that he had been betrayed into giving it.
* * * * * *
Caroline made her way up the dark drive, and on reaching the door
she felt in her coat pocket for the latch-key. It was not there. Then
she sought hastily in her other pocket and could not find it. Evidently
she had dropped it on the road somewhere, but no one could see a small
article like that now, even if it lay on the pathway.
Well, there was nothing for it but to knock at the door. She looked
up at the house which loomed above her, a dark block with faintly
gleaming windows, and the thud, thud, made by her knuckles seemed
extraordinarily loud. But the stillness which followed seemed
intenseseemed only to be accentuated by the heavy sound of the sea
which she never consciously heard in the daytime, any more than Miss
Ethel or the other Thorhaven people.
After a while she knocked again, but the house still lay quietwith
the peculiar deadness about it of houses seen from the outside when
those within are all asleep. In the room just above the front door Miss
Ethel was deep in the first stupid slumber of exhaustion produced by a
long day's work and the evening walk in a high wind. She was so tired
that she had ceased some time ago to lie awake and listen for Caroline
coming in, though she felt it was her duty to do so. But nearly every
night now she went to bed early and lay like a log, not caring about
anything more until the morning. If the world came to an end, she must
go to bedshe could no more.
Caroline down below stood hesitating whether to throw a stone up or
not, but remembered that Mrs. Bradford was so timid that she always
covered up her ears with the blanket for fear of hearing burglars in
the nightpriding herself indeed on this timidity, and telling people
that when you once had had a husband you lost your nerve for sleeping
alone. So Caroline knew there was no help to be had in that quarter,
and yet she did not like to startle Miss Ethel after that fall among
the half-built houses which had been more than an ordinary faint,
though no one made anything of it.
However, she knocked again on the door, blows that seemed to echo
through the whole of Thorhaven. She glanced nervously over her
shoulder, picturing the male inhabitants of Emerald Avenue and
Cornelian Crescent and Sapphire Terrace, hastily flinging on trousers
and boots to see what the matter was, while their wives made
shrill-voiced ejaculations from the bed. She saw it all quite plainly
on the darkness as the noise reverberated through the still night.
Suddenly she lost her nerve. That kiss at the gate still hovered in the
back of her consciousness, waiting for a fuller realization; but it had
left her fluttering and tingling with emotion, so that she was less
mistress of herself than usual.
Not that she had not been kissed before, and by others besides Wilf;
but it had never been like this, because now for the first time a kiss
woke a response which bewildered her. She began to cry.
Then she tried to pull herself together. After all, it could not be
very late. What an idiot to be standing there crying, when Aunt Creddle
lived only a ten minutes' walk away! Of course she could go and stay
the night there. Very likely Aunt Creddle might be still up, for she
took in washing for one or two people, and sometimes did the ironing
after the children were in bed
Caroline gave a sob of relief as she got to this, and turning her
back on the house she began to run stumbling down the drive. When she
reached the open road and was free from the heavy shadow of the privet
hedge, she felt her self-confidence gradually coming back to her.
All the houses in Emerald Avenue were in darkness, but on nearing
the Creddles she saw a little glimmer of light through the glass pane
of the front door. It was as she had hoped, for in response to her
knock, Mrs. Creddle herself unchained the door and peered out into the
dark. Is that somebody from Mrs. White's? she asked. I thought she
wasn't expecting until next week at the The good woman broke off
suddenly and her voice went up several notes: You, Caroline!
Yes. I lost my latch-key and I can't make them hear. I was afraid I
should startle Miss Ethel if I threw anything up at her window, said
Caroline, speaking quickly. I didn't know if it might give her a turn,
after that fall of hers. And you can't waken Mrs. Bradford. She wraps
her head up in her petticoat and sleeps like the dead.
Well, it's a lucky thing I happened to be up finishing the
ironing, said Mrs. Creddle. Your uncle wouldn't have liked it if
you'd come hammering at our door and letting the whole street know you
were locked out.
I didn't lose the key on purpose, said Caroline rather sullenly,
as she followed her aunt into the warm, light kitchen. I couldn't help
What made you so late in? said Mrs. Creddle. Here, sit you down
and I'll get you a drink of cocoa. Girls never used to be having
latch-keys and careering about at all hours in my day.
But it isn't your day now, thank goodness! said Caroline, who was
feeling excited and irritable. I had a dance on the green after I came
off duty, that was all.
Prom's been closed a long time, said Mrs. Creddle. I heard the
next-door folks come back. But we was all young once, and I dare say
you and Wilf have been kissing and making friends again on the way
home. Is that it?
For some obscure reason this question angered Caroline almost beyond
I told you I'd done with Wilf, and I have, she said rather
hysterically. I wouldn't let him kiss me now for anything on earth. I
don't know how I ever could fancy him. I
Hush! said Mrs. Creddle, glancing towards the stairs. There's
your uncle moving. I'm afraid he won't be best pleased to see you here,
Carrie. And he would have pickle for his tea, though I told him not, so
he's a bit fretty to start with.
Before she had finished speaking Mr. Creddle was upon them, hastily
dressed in night-shirt and trousers. Now, what's all this? he said,
and his tone certainly did betray the effect of cheap vinegar on a weak
So Mrs. Creddle explained matters while Caroline stood listening.
Who came home with you? said Creddle, turning with a dark face
towards the two women. I saw the bills. Dancing was over a good bit
since. Who brought you home?
That's my business, she answered, pale and obstinate.
Is it? Well, it's my business to take you back to your place, he
said. Then he went on, raising his voice: Do you think I'm going to
have a niece of minethat I've brought up like my ownstopping out
all night? The lasses in my family and in your aunt's family, too, have
always been respectableand you will be an' all, so long as I have
anything to do with you.
I'm not going back to the Cottage to-night, though. I'm going to
stop here and sleep on the sofa, said Caroline defiantly.
Hush, Carrie, pleaded Mrs. Creddle anxiously. That isn't the way
to speak to your uncle, you know. He only means it for your good.
Mr. Creddle reached for his boots. I won't have her stop out all
night, he repeated. What would your mother ha' thought if you'd done
such a thing when you were in service?
Only I aren't in service like aunt was, answered Caroline,
getting excited again. Things are quite different from what they used
to be then. You can't judge by what went on when you were young, can
But Mrs. Creddle only shook her head; for somehow those words
stopped out all night came echoing on from her youth and she felt the
force of tradition at this moment no less than her husband. Always that
phrase had conveyed something derogatory concerning the girl about whom
it was used; and never would she or her sister Ellen have earned it
while they were in service for any earthly consideration. She was still
faithful to all the traditions of that skilled trade to which she had
served a long apprenticeship, and which is one of the most intricate
and difficult in the world. For a mass of oral knowledge handed down
from one to anotheraccuracy, intelligence, self-control, a very high
standard of personal chastitythese things formed only a part of the
equipment of Caroline's aunts when they were young, and such girls as
they formed an unorganized guild of service which can never be excelled
in England, whatever comes. They were the best maid-servants in the
world, and they did not know it. But they had a great pride in
themselves, if not in their fine calling, and Mrs. Creddle felt this
stir within her as she listened to her husband.
Your uncle's right, she said. Maybe other people will get to know
you lost your key, and they mightn't believe you. You wouldn't like it
to get about that you'd stopped out all night.
I shouldn't care. I know I've done nothing wrong, said Caroline,
beginning to take off her hat.
Now, my lass! said Creddle grimly, as he finished lacing his
boots, you're coming with me. Don't let's have no nonsense!
I tell you, I'm not coming, said Caroline, pale about the lips and
trembling a little.
Come! Come! Carrie, said Mrs. Creddle, beginning to cry. Don't
anger your uncle. He's that wore out he didn't know where to put
himself when he got home to-night, and yet here he is with his boots on
ready to take you back to your place. And he's always treated you like
his own, and so have I, so far as I know how. Many's the little treat
we've gone without, and never grudged it, so as to bring you up nice;
and this is how you pay us back.
Oh, aunt, I know you have, said Caroline, and her eyes filled,
though they had been hard and dry a minute before. I do know how good
you and uncle have been. Only I won't be taken back as if I were a
little trapesing general that had been misbehaving herself. I can't!
There's no talk of misbehaving, said Creddle. And I aren't going
to have any. You get your hat on and come with me.
Caroline's face stiffened; then she felt the touch of Mrs. Creddle's
roughened, kind hand on her arm, and saw that jolly face puckered with
crying which had smiled a welcome on her all her life. She gave a great
gulp and walked to the door, Creddle following her.
For she belongedpoor Carolineto the company of those who can
really love, and they are always liable to give way suddenly when
fighting those they love, because they cannot bear to see the pain.
Chapter XIII. Next Morning
Miss Ethel came into the kitchen as Caroline finished washing up the
breakfast things. There was a constrained atmosphere about both of them
which seemed even to affect the small fire which burnt sulkily in the
grate, but nothing was said concerning the events of the previous
Oh! Caroline, I wonder if you would kindly take a message for me to
Miss Temple on your way to the promenade? said Miss Ethel, rather
But on the whole the affair of the previous night had been less
odious than Caroline had feared. Still it had been rather like an ugly
nightmare, all the sameUncle Creddle banging on the door until one
startled woman opened it while the other peered over the banisters.
They had thanked Mr. Creddle, saying Caroline ought to be more careful:
and Mrs. Bradford added that some burglar had no doubt picked up the
key and would come and murder them in their beds. But there the matter
Now, however, with the mention of Laura's name, the recollection of
that kiss at the gate last night sprang up from some deep place within
Caroline's consciousness and overwhelmed everything else. She could not
go to Laura's door and perhaps be obliged to answer kind words and
pleasant looks; she could not do it. I'm sorry, Miss Ethel, she
muttered, bending over the washing-bowl, but there's not time.
Miss Ethel glanced at the clock and saw that there was time; but she
could not insist, and so thought it more dignified to go away without
making any remark. Still she felt irritated to an unreasonable degree,
for her disturbed night had left her tired and nervous.
A few minutes later Caroline went out. There had been a change in
the wind, which now blew lustily from the north-east, and the sun was
shining. As she came down the street leading to the promenade, the
surface of her mind responded to the pricking liveliness of the salt
air and the sight of the open sea in front of her. A heavy rain towards
dawn had washed down mud from the cliffs which the high tide had
carried away, so now the water was a milky dun-colour, scattered with
millions of opal lights, answering more closely just then to the
thought of a jewelled sea than even the sparkling sapphire
A middle-aged visitor who had passed constantly in and out through
the barrier and knew Caroline by sight, gave her a sprightly Good
morning as he went through. Most invigorating! Most invigorating!
Yes. Makes you feel as if you could jump over the moon, doesn't
it? said Caroline gailythat surface mind responding to his brisk
Ha! Ha! So long as you haven't a liver to weigh you down, jested
the rosy-faced gentleman. Then he stepped away down the promenade, well
pleased with himself and his surroundings, and feeling that he was not
such an old dog yet, so long as he could enjoy a joke with a girl on
Caroline looked after him with a smile which gradually faded from
her lips as the slight stimulation from without ceased to act. For
beneath it all there was something inside, deep down within her, which
was not to be touched by the influences of sea air or
sunshinesomething that watched anxiously and doggedly for one thing
and would heed no other.
But the people came and wentcame and wentuntil her knee ached
with the clutch and her whole being with watching. . . . And still the
one man she was looking for never put his broad-palmed, long-fingered
hand on the iron bar or turned his heavy-featured face towards her
She kept telling herself that she was tired after last night, so as
to explain the ache, but her little, pale face was looking pinched in
the light from the sea when Laura Temple paused at the barrier to say a
few words. The two girls spoke to each other through the little window;
one smiling, the other rather grave and reluctant. They talked a moment
or two of trivial thingsthe weather, the Galabut Caroline felt a
queer animosity towards this pleasant, kind girl whose lover had kissed
her the night before. Though she told her surface self that the kiss
was only a bit of fun and meant nothing, that other self knew well
enough that it had meant quite enough to constitute an injury to a
bride who was to be married in less than three weeks' time.
She replied abruptly, turning over the leaves of her account book;
irritated by this contradictory sense of being obliged to feel she had
done an injury when she knew she really had not. So at last Laura
thought she had a headache or something, and soon went on towards the
* * * * * *
Miss Ethel came to the door, and at once took Laura into the
living-room. Mrs. Bradford sat as usual on an arm-chair, idle with a
clear conscience, because of her great, successful effort in the past.
Laura greeted them both gaily, for she felt the world was an
agreeable place that morning. I received your message with an almond
cake from the baker's. I do hope your news is something good, too, she
But Miss Ethel did not respond to the mild pleasantry. Yes. I had
to get the baker's boy to take a message, because I am not very well
to-day, and Caroline declined to call round on her way to the
Said she hadn't time, added Mrs. Bradford. She had quite
sufficient time. And considering that she came in at all hours last
night after pretending to lose the latch-key, I think she might have
done what Ethel asked. No doubt she had been wandering about with some
man. She went to the Creddles, intending to stay the night there, but
Creddle brought her back.
Oh, I feel sure she really did lose the key, said Laura. It is a
thing I have done myself before now. And I'm sure I never wandered
about at night with young men.
But she pretended that she had been here earlier and was unable to
make anyone hear. I didn't like that. We are not Rip van Winkles, said
Miss Ethel crisply.
Laura laughed, anxious to conciliate them both for Caroline's sake.
I dare say she was afraid of disturbing you. She is a kind-hearted
girl, I am sure, and she would remember that you have been ill, Miss
And yet she declined to go on a simple errand for me this morning,
said Miss Ethel. No, they are all alike: all for self. The young
people of the present day think of nothing but their own amusement.
She paused and added, anxious to be just, Though I must own that
Caroline was kind when I was ill. I dare say there is something
good-hearted about her, at the bottom: but it is her general attitude
which I so dislike.
If we only had Ellen back! moaned Mrs. Bradford from the depths of
the arm-chair. Or somebody like Ellen.
You may just as well wish for butter at fourteen-pence a pound or
oranges twelve a penny like we used to get in Flodmouth Market,
retorted Miss Ethel. Then her voice changed, taking on a heavy, inward
note. Those days are done. They'll never come back any more.
I mean, said Mrs. Bradford, who had all the curiosity often shown
by stupid people, what sort of a young man Caroline has got now. A
great deal depends on that. And she looked inquiringly at Laura.
I'm sure I don't know, said Laura. Caroline's young men are her
affair, not mine.
At any rate, said Miss Ethel, we have not brought you here on a
busy morning to talk about them. We know you must have a great deal on
your hands just now, preparing for the wedding.
Oh, it makes a great difference, having no house to get ready,
said Laura, flushing at the mention of her wedding, as she could not
help doing, though she felt such a sign of emotion to be ridiculous at
this time of day. We must stay in my cottage until the house Godfrey
has taken is at liberty, and they say that won't be before the end of
March at the earliest.
I don't think I should have liked that, said Mrs. Bradford. I
remember how my dear husband insisted on having everything absolutely
complete, down to the very toilet-tidies on the looking-glasses, before
he took me home as a bride. But there are few like him. And she sighed
and glanced up at the quite imposing photograph which she had long
since come to believe exactly resembled Mr. Bradford in life.
Laura felt a very little annoyed for the moment, being sensitive on
this point of a house because hints had not failed to reach her that
Godfrey was considered to be feathering his nest at her expense; but
the next minute she forgot her annoyance in a tender flow of sympathy
for this other woman who had lost everything which she herself was
about to possess.
Godfrey and I thought it preferable to waiting until the spring,
she said gently. But of course I should have liked my new home to be
all ready for me, as yours was.
Well, you needn't regret the toilet-tidies, said Miss Ethel.
Green paper with magenta ribbon, if I remember right. Then she paused
a moment, nervously trying to steel herself for an effort which was
exceedingly painful to her. But what we asked you to come in for was
this She paused again to clear her throat. We have decided to
sell this house, and we thought you would kindly convey the message to
Godfrey for us.
Of course I will, said Laura readily. The question as to why a
letter could not have been sent to Godfrey was latent in her tone, but
Miss Ethel did not answer it, because she herself did not know how she
dreaded the effort of writing the letter.
We knew you would be seeing Godfrey this afternoonwe thought
perhaps you would break it to him.
We have only just decided, added Mrs. Bradford. But I daresay we
shall be all right in Emerald Avenue. There is a pleasant window in the
front bedroom facing south. So long as I have my knitting and a warm
corner I can make myself happy. My dear husband once said that my
disposition made me immune from the arrows of adversity. It was a
beautiful thing to say, and I have never forgotten it.
I'll be sure to tell Godfrey, said Laura, for once bluntly
disregarding Mrs. Bradford's reminiscences, because she understood far
more than they thought. It was plain enough that Miss Ethel had sent in
this haste so as to make the matter irrevocableto strengthen a
decision almost beyond her powers. But once they had talked openly
about leaving the house, it became an established thing.
Tell Godfrey we can be out by Christmas, if he is able to effect a
sale, said Miss Ethel. We must leave the roses, of course, as there
will be no garden in Emerald Avenue. The privet hedge has been clipped
this year, but it will want pruning in January.
Oh, Miss Ethel! said Laura, with a catch in her throat, suddenly
feeling the tears running down, though she had no thought of crying a
For Miss Ethel, as she stood there very erect, talking in that dry,
clear tone, with her thin face towards the light and the right temple
twitching a little, looking out at the garden she had loved to tend,
was a sight very touching to a sensitive heart. And though Laura knew
that it was not such a terrible misfortune to leave an agreeable house
with a nice garden for a smaller one less pleasant, she still
feltridiculous though her reason knew it to bethat the atmosphere
of the low room was charged with something momentous. The throb! throb!
throb! of a heavy sea at low tide came through the window, and it
sounded to Laura's excited perceptions like the tread of something
dreadful coming. Perhaps she was in a state of heightened emotion owing
to her nearly approaching marriage, and that made her unduly
impressionable, but she did experience a queer, helpless sense of
destiny approaching such as you feel in dreams.
But Miss Ethel had conquered a momentary trembling of the lips
caused by Laura's tears, and she crisply broke the silence. I dare say
you think we are making a mountain out of a molehill.
No, no, said Laura eagerly. Only you will have less work to do,
and by next year at this time you may be really glad you are not here.
Shall I? said Miss Ethel. I hope it may be so!
Don't take it like that, Miss Ethel! said Laura in a quick, sharp
tone, most unusual for her. Things can never be as they were again. Is
it likely? Look out into the world. There's not a corner where you
don't feel the backwash of a storm of some sort. You and I have lived
in such a sheltered happy way here that we don't realize what's going
on unless we are brought up against it by something in our own lives.
She wanted to be kindyet words which were not very kind came out in
spite of herself: and she felt herself trembling a little, as if they
had to do with a deep emotion of her own which it distressed her to
bring to light. You can't feel sure of anything or anybody in the
whole world. Anybody may change. They can't help it, any more than you
can help seeing it. She was very pale now, aghast at what had grown
from a faint stirring of unformulated doubt to a spoken reality. Almost
every sensitive person has trembled thus before something which has
sprung up into sight through the accidental touching of a hidden spot
in the mind.
But that only lasted a momentthe next, she was not going to leave
it so. Every particle of her being rebelled against what she had seen
and she would rather doubt her senses than her love. I except Godfrey,
of course, she said, lifting up her head with a little laugh. He
Yes. Yes. Of course, responded Miss Ethel absently, her mind so
full of what they had just decided to do that she could think of
nothing else. Then you will tell Godfrey? I don't think there is any
need for me to write.
He will come in to see you, no doubt. Laura had remained standing
since that moment when she rose hastily from her seat, and she went
forward now with a gesture which showed she did not intend to sit down
again. I have such heaps to do this morning. I'm afraid I must run
But as she touched Miss Ethel's hand with her own she was startled
by its icy coldness. In a moment her sympathy flowed back again over
those dreadful thoughts, washing them away. I know you'll love your
new home when you get settled, and you will have all your friends just
the same. More, because you will be nearer the town. And she pressed
her lips to that white cheek.
Miss Ethel did not seem to relax in that embrace, or to be in the
least sensible of the natural kindness which permeated every fibre of
Laura's being like the sweetness of sun-warmed fruit, but perhaps she
did feel a little comforted by that soft human contact all the same.
For she went with the guest to the door and stood alone there
watching until the sound of steps and the click of the gate gave place
to silence. The builders had gone away for their dinner-hour, and the
close-shaven grass in the sunshine near the high hedge seemed so
cloisteredso much more remote than it really was. Before those new
houses came, you need not see anything beyond the privet hedge unless
you wished But now the outside was close upon her. It was time to
give in and go away.
As she stood there with the neat curled hair over her forehead
blowing in the wind, and her short skirt and blouse trimly set about
her spare figure, she was thinking thoughts which were almost
incredibly different from what she lookedseeking all over the world
with a sort of desperate forlornness for a corner where her mind could
Then the very quiet of the half-built houses over the hedge reminded
her that she must go in to fry the rissoles for the midday dinner, but
she revolted from the anticipated smell of hot fat with a sensation of
physical sickness. For she had never possessed a robust appetite, and
until this last year had scarcely ever sat down to a meal prepared by
herself: so she did not bring to the task that interest which a good
appetite or a natural taste for cooking will give even to those who
have had no previous experience.
However, it had to be done, so she went in, catching sight as she
passed through the hall of a roll of music returned by Laura: but it
failed to stir any regret that she was always too tired to practise
nowadays. Leisurewhich she had all her life regarded as a right, no
more to be considered than water or airwas hers no longer.
But she had no idea that she was sharing the exact experience of
thousands of women throughout Englandthroughout Europe: that as she
stood there alone over a stove in a quiet little house in a remote part
of Yorkshire, carrying out the everyday details of her narrow
existence, she was more widely and actually international than the
manual workers themselves.
She only knew that she loathed the smell of frying fat.
Chapter XIV. The Cliff Top
Caroline had just come back from her tea and stood at the door of
the pay-box, talking to Lillie, who was about to go off duty. The
bright light reflected from the sea shone on the two girls, and on some
children with brown legs and streaming hair who raced along the
Going for a walk? said Caroline, glancing idly in front of her at
the expanse of dappled water.
No. Mother has a bad cold and we're full up with visitors. I shall
go straight home.
Thenjust at this least expected momentthe thing happened for
which some hidden feeling within her had been so intently waiting all
day. She saw Godfrey standing there as she had pictured, with his
broad, long-fingered hand on the iron bar; the hand so indicativehad
she but knownof the contradictions in his character.
Lillie sat down again to release the clutch, and he passed through
to the promenade. Oh, lovely afternoon, isn't it? he said, and walked
briskly away between the neat rows of bedding plants.
The two girls looked after him; at last Lillie said with a slight
giggle: Seems in a hurry, doesn't he? But I expect he's got his young
lady waiting for him. My word, she'd give him beans if she knew he saw
you home last night, wouldn't she? A pause, during which Caroline
failed to respond; then, rather shortly: Well, so long! But Caroline
did not notice; her whole mind bent on Godfrey's retreating figure as
it went firmly down the broad concrete walk of the promenadefor now
the question she'd been craving to ask all day had been answered. He
thought nothing about what happened last night. The kiss had been
nothing to him. He intended to show her that he did not recognize any
slightest claim on his attention which she might think she had gained
Then she had to cease looking after him in order to answer a stout
lady visitor who made a point of being nice to the girl at the pay-box.
Yesa great pity the weather was not like this for the Gala.
But all the time she was saying to herself, with the queer, dazed
feeling which comes from a sudden shock of discovery: I'm gone on him!
I'm fair gone on him, and him going to be married!
Even in her thoughts she usually chose her wordsjust as she kept
herself scrupulously nice underneath to match her carefully tended
hands and well-brushed hair. But now she reverted back to the
expressions of her earliest girlhood. I only meant a bit of fun, and
I'm fair gone on him.
Oh! it was desolatingmost miserable. There was nothing on earth to
be got from it but heartache. She had tried to do the best for herself,
and Fate had treated her like thisstabbed her from behind. It was
abominable that she should be punished so for a bit of fun when other
girls got off scot-free who had done all sorts of things that she would
be ashamed of doing. Life was unfair. It was horribly unfair
An Urban District Councillor on his way home separated himself from
the stream of men with bags which emerged blackly from the railway
station and flowed over Thorhaven between half-past five and half-past
six. Fine evening! Fine evening! he said, bustling through the
For a moment the agony lifted; but when he was gone it started again
worse than everlike the pain in an inflamed nerve. The waste of it!
She had thrown away her best asset for nothing. She could no longer
fall in love with the rich young man who might want to marry her one
dayas she had always more or less sub-consciously expectedbecause
she loved Godfrey. Instinct warned her that the best goods in her shop
window were gone without any return, and for the moment her chief
feeling was an intense anger against fate first and then against
Not that she blamed him particularly for the kiss. Any man would
kiss a girl when he saw her home if he had a chance, of course. But she
was vaguely furious with him because he was the cause of such a
disorganization of all her life plans. She felt cheated, though she did
not realize what she was cheated of, as she sat there looking out of
her little window towards the north.
Through the remainder of the evening and all the next day her mood
remained thusindrawn and sombre. The people going on the promenade
passed by her like marionettes, and she like another marionette
responded, but there was no feeling in it at all. She might equally
well have seen the whole lot of them, herself included, jerked by wires
from a sardonic heaven that had no purpose, no planonly such figures
of thought were not within her scope; still the feeling was there,
corroding her faith in life.
At last Saturday night came. But the week of long working hours
during which she had been constantly in the sea air and yet protected
from wind and rain, had left her filled with vitality, despite her
bitterness of mind. The night was not dark, because of a growing moon
and pale stars peppering the sky, and as she walked along the light
road with no care for her footsteps she found a vent for that unusual
vitality in a certain habit of her girlhood which she had almost
entirely dropped during the past year or two. Often enough before that,
she had walked about the Thorhaven streets imagining herself in all
sorts of impossible situations, though always happy, beloved and rich.
But she had since given it up, as she had put away her dolls a year or
two earlier; and she now felt a secret shame in abandoning herself to
it againas if she had at fourteen taken to playing with dolls once
So she let herself imagine Godfrey walking by her side with his arm
through herskissing her at the gate. After all, nobody would ever
know. It hurt nobody; it was all she would ever get. Then weakened by
her dreaming she actually did see Godfrey come forth from a clump of
dark elders and had not the power to walk straight on as she would have
done half an hour earlier. Instead, she stood still and looked at
himdisturbed, unhappy, yet with the dull bitterness suddenly gone.
He was close to her before he spoke; then he said hurriedly: I only
wanted to apologize for the other night. I hope you were not offended?
But he knew quite well she was not: it was the urge of that curiosity
still burning within him which drove him to find out what she had
felthow his kiss had left herwhether he had been able to reach
anything in her.
You didn't seem to be bothering much about me when you went through
into the promenade, she said at last.
He was answered in part; the next moment she felt his arm through
hers, just as she had been dreaming on the road, only the reality had a
compelling magnetism which was beyond any dreams. Let us go a little
way along the cliff, he said. I want to speak to you. I want to
explain. He spoke excitedly, with a sort of jaded eagerness in his
tone; and though she knew her own unwisdom, she went with him.
The turning towards the cliff was just beyond the Cottage, on the
opposite side of the road, and consisted of a gravel path that opened
out into a small space on the cliff top. It was a lonely spot, out of
the way of strolling visitors at that time of night: the bench in the
middle of the gravelled space lay empty in the luminous sea-twilight
with a great arch of sky overhead and the waves below catching a gleam
from moon and stars on every ripple. Though Thorhaven might not be
beautiful on a Gala evening, with futile little lamps and starved
visitors blown about by the wind, it had, on such nights as these, an
exquisite, cool beauty which appealed to the spirit as well as the
As they sat down, Caroline could feel his fingers trembling on her
arm; suddenly his kiss struck hard on her lips and her head fell back
so that he could see the dark rims of her eyelashes. Ah! You're in it
tooyou're in it too, he murmured triumphantlycaring for nothing
but that triumphant knowledge.
She knew what he meantthey were both in it. Their oneness
enveloped her in a cloud of rapture. Then she jerked herself out of his
embrace. No. No. I can't have you kissing me. It isn't fair to take
your fun out of me when you're going to be married directly. I don't
know how you can want to do it.
He jumped up without speaking and walked towards the cliff edge.
Good God! he burst out. You don't imagine I want to be in
love with you! I'm in hellhell! Whatever I do, I see your face. It's
beyond all reason He stopped short, amazed and enraged by this
strange, biting curiosity which made him mad about a girl who was
nothingwho was not even really pretty. What could influence men in
this waydriving them to insane acts for the sake of some one woman
out of all the millions? There must be something not yet understood.
Suddenly he dropped on to the seat, holding his head in his hands. I
don't know what on earth I am going to do, he said.
She looked at himso helpless in his passionand the protective
instinct of a real woman for her man began to stir in her: so, in spite
of her own pain, she tried hard to find something to say that would
comfort him. Youyou'll get over it, she said, her voice shaking.
It isn't as if you and I had been going together long, you know.
You'll soon forget me.
Don't! he said sharply.
She drew back offended. Oh! All right. She rose with a sort of
dignity. I think I'd better be going home. It must be getting late.
Now you're vexed. He peered at herhaggard-eyed in that curious
twilight from the sea. Can't you see that everything you do and say
makes me want you more? If you'd only turned out a fool! He drew a
I must be going home, she repeated, moving away.
He caught hold of her dress as she went. Carrie, I can't let you
go. I can't do without you.
You'll have to, she said sombrely. We shall both have to. There's
no help for it.
He waited a moment, then the words seemed to come out of
themselvesdespite him. I'm not married yet, you know.
She started. You don't mean Then she backed away from him, the
silhouette of her slim figure very clear against the luminous
background of sea and skyevery line of it dragging at his
senseshurting him with pity. You know you couldn't do it, she said
after a pause. We neither of us could. It would kill her. Besides, I
couldn't sneak another girl's man after the banns were up and the cake
boughta girl who'd never done me any harm. I aren't so low down as
all that, yet.
Anything is better than marrying without love, he said, but he
said it half-heartedly. How was a decent man to throw over a charming
devoted girl to whom he was to be married in a fortnight, shaming her
before all her little world after he had sought and won her? He thought
of Laura's soft acquiescence with an agony of self-reproach and
impatience. Then he heard Caroline speaking again, her voice low and
clear with the murmur of the sea running in and out of ithe felt it
go to his heart.
It's too late to begin to think whether you'll be miserable or not
now, she said. You made her fond of you. It was your own doing. And
you wouldn't get me if you did give her up. I'd no more take you from
her, now she's got her wedding-dress and all, than I'd stick a knife
into a baby sleeping in its pram. She worships youcan't you see that?
It would spoil all her life.
What about yoursand mine? he said. You don't really care for
me, or you couldn't talk like that.
She looked away to the glimmering sea, not troubling to answer him.
What was the use? He knew.
Well, I'll be getting on, she said at last.
But he found the hopelessness in her voice unbearable.
Carrie, we can't leave it like this, he said. I can't do without
you; that's a fact. We must arrange something. He hesitated. Youyou
won't cease to be friends with me just because I'm married, will you?
She moved so quickly out of the reach of his hand that she stood
poised on the extreme edge of the cliff. What do you mean? she said
fiercely. Is that what you take me for? Then let me tell you I never
carried on with a married man in my life and never shall. You're as
good as married now. Leave me alone. You think you can talk to me like
that because I'm fond of you. But before I'd have anything to do with
those underhand ways, I'd jump over this cliff and have done with it. I
would, too. I aren't that sort, you knowthough I have behaved
like a silly fool.
But her very defiance only gave his curiosity a keener edge, and he
moved towards her with his hand outstretched. You won't get out of it
like that, he said. Do you suppose I'm going to let you go now, and
never see you alone again? I will see you, or I'll chuck the whole
thing up to-morrow morning, come what may.
She glanced at him sideways, temporizing: I shall be meeting you,
But he was not to be deceived. You mean you have done with me
unless I break off my engagement. Very well. I'll do it.
She shook her head. That's nonsense, she said sharply. You know
you can't do it.
It is only what you did yourself, he said sullenly. You threw
over that young man I saw you with at the dance, and I don't suppose
you considered it a crime.
They spoke as enemies, throwing the barbed words back and forth.
Of course I didn't.
But why not? It was the same thing.
No; that was quite different, she said.
I don't see it. Why different?
Because She struggled: but suddenly her voice began to
tremble. Oh, I didn't know what love was like then. But he never cared
as Miss Laura does. And I shouldn't have minded so much about her, if I
hadn't found out for myself She broke off. Only three weeks from
the wedding. You couldn't do it, either. Not when it came to only three
weeks from the wedding, you couldn't. You know that as well as I do.
But you always say everybody ought to do the best for themselves. I
remember your saying so. What sense is there in spoiling our two lives
for the sake of a third? he said, eagerly and yet heavily. Why can't
you act up to what you believe in this instance, just as you did when
you threw over that young man?
She shook her head, looking at him through unshed tears. I don't
know, she said. But when it comes to, you can't do it. You know you
can't, either. If we were the weak sort, we might.
He let fall her hand which he had been holding and sat down heavily,
almost with a groan, upon the wooden bench. It was true enough, what
she said. They were both better than their word.
And yet it was not any hope of a future reward which sustained them
as they sat there side by side, not touching each other, while the
Flamborough lights swung out monotonously across the sea and the waves
washed up with regular beat upon the shore. They imagined they believed
this life to be probably alland yet they did not seize what they
could get and let everything else go. It was because love constrained
them. They felt within themselves the stirring of their own
immortality. But they experienced none of the exultation of sacrifice
as they turned away from the cliff edge and walked silently, glumly,
towards the high road, she trying to wipe the tears away with her
fingers so that he should not notice.
As they neared the gate of the Cottage, Godfrey said suddenly: You
don't think I'm frightened of what people say?
She shook her head. I aren't so silly as that. She hesitated, then
held out her hand. It's good-bye, then. But her voice trembled again,
though she tried to keep it steady, and the next minute she was in his
arms, crying her heart out.
Caroline! What are we to do? What are we to do? he said, the tears
hot in his own eyes. I can't give you up. I can't live without you.
She clung to him, not answering, and his mind darted back to the
name he had given her that first time he had his arm about her at the
promenade dance. A nymph on fire. There was something just so fresh and
cool about her in the midst of all her passion
Then he felt her releasing herself gently, but with determination.
What's the use of beginning it all over again? she said. You know
there's nothing to be done. I aren't that sort. And you aren't either.
Don't you know she's got the bride-cake bought, poor girl?
He could not speak. Her childish insistence on the wedding-cake
having been purchased was like a knife through his heart. If only he
had left her alone!
I deserve to be shot for letting you in for this, he said
hoarsely. Then he broke out again. I can't stand it! I must break off
my engagementwhatever it costs and however she suffers. You're
suffering. And I am! Good God, I should think I am.
But he spoke the last word to empty airand the next moment he
could hear the click of the gate as she slipped away from him up the
Chapter XV. The Cinema
On Monday evening Caroline stood at the corner of Emerald Avenue,
not sure whether to go down it or not, for she had not visited the
Creddles since Mr. Creddle so ignominiously took her back to the
Cottage at midnight.
While she was hesitating a cab-load of sunburnt children,
accompanied by a stout, jolly-looking mother, went by on their way to
the railway station. It was the beginning of that exodus which would
grow more general every day during the next fortnight until the season
was over. Already cards had appeared in one or two windows, and those
who had let their houses furnished for August month while they found
shelter in tumble-down cottages, tents or converted railway carriages,
were coming backglad now the money was in their pockets that they had
borne the discomfort, though each year on departing they said Never
again! A sea-gull flew across the sky with the pink sunset on its
outspread wings, and below, the grey church stood in a tender haze
against a sheet of gold. But this peaceful time at the end of summer
only increased Caroline's restlessness. There was nothing she wanted to
do. She neither liked to walk alone, nor to find friends.
So she stood there listlessly, trying to make up her mind whether
she should go to see Aunt Creddle or not; and as she did so a slim
woman of about forty who had been very pretty came down the Avenue.
Caroline remembered quite well what Mrs. Creddle had said about her.
She had gone into an office as typist instead of being in service like
the other sisters, and thought herself too fine for those who wanted
her, but was not fine enough for those she wanted. So one sister
married a farm labourer who became a prosperous farmer, the other did
not disdain a chimney sweep, and both now possessed houses and children
and warm places of their own in the world, while the prettiest still
tripped with a rather over-bright smile about the Thorhaven streets,
aware of really superior refinement, but not finding much comfort in
She stopped to speak to Carolineand without knowing why, Caroline
felt as if a cold wind out of the future had blown drearily across her
Waiting for Wilf? asked the girl, smiling. He must have missed
you, for I met him a minute ago. I suppose you are going to this new
play there is on at the Cinema.
Oh, I don't know, said Caroline vaguely. I don't see much of Wilf
now. Lovely night, isn't it?
This was crude but sufficient, and the woman went on, leaving
Caroline once more aimlessly pondering. At last she began to walk
slowly down the Avenue to the Creddles' house, calling out at the door
as usual: Hello, aunt!
Mrs. Creddle at once came out of the kitchen, her jolly face rather
anxious. You never came near yesterday, Carrie. We couldn't think what
had gotten you.
I was busy at home when I wasn't at the prom., said Caroline.
I've come now to see if Winnie would like to go with me to the
Well Mrs. Creddle hesitated. Your uncle was in a fine taking
on Thursday night. He seems to have an idea in his head that you were
with somebody you daren't speak about. But you'd never have aught to do
with a married man, I'm sure, Carrie.
Well, you may make your mind easy, aunt. The man I was with was
single. But I'm not going to say anything more about him. If I have to
be answerable to you and uncle for every young fellow I chance to walk
home from the prom. with
You know we don't expect that, said Mrs. Creddle, still a little
uneasy. But I told your uncle I could trust you, and I do.
Where is uncle? said Caroline, seizing on the nearest pretext for
changing the subject.
Oh, he's gone to the Buffaloes, said Mrs. Creddle; and though her
tone implied contempt and disapproval, it was but the natural prejudice
of all good women for an institution purely masculine. They have a
Grand Council or some such rubbish to-night, she added; then she
raised her voice and called Winnie! and imparted the joyful news to a
little, rosy-faced girl whose eyes shone with ecstasy. To go to the
picturesat nightand with Cousin CarrieLife could hold no more,
and she sped off to change her frock, like an arrow from the bow.
Caroline had turned away and was staring rather moodily out of the
window. Then she felt a hand on her arm. Carrie, it wasn't young Mr.
Wilson you were with, was it? Mrs. Creddle said in a low voice.
In the involuntary start which followed the words she had her
answer; letting her hand drop, she turned an agitated face towards
Caroline. Then you weren't after no good on Thursday night. Your uncle
was right. Oh, Carrie, how could youwith him going to be married in a
fortnight? I should have thought you would have more self-respect.
Caroline swung round upon her, eyes ablaze. Who told you I was with
Mr. Wilson? You don't want to listen to everything you hear in
Thorhaven, surely! And if I was, I was doing no wrong.
I don't know how you could, Carrie, repeated Mrs. Creddle.
Trapesing about at night with Miss Laura's young man when you ought to
have been abedand after the way she has always treated us all. Why,
the very frock Winnie is putting on now is made out of one of hers. I
should take shame to try and make mischief between her and her young
man, and with him going to be married directly.
Don't talk such rot, aunt. I have done nothing to be ashamed of,
said Caroline rudely, and I've not set eyes on him since Thursday
night. You may talk about Miss Laurabut I owe her nothing. I've paid
all back, and more. She paused a moment, but pride, suspense, emotion
unnaturally repressedall combined to betray her into saying what she
had never meant to say to any human being. You think I've behaved
badly, do you? Well! I might have taken him away from her altogether.
He wanted to throw her over, only I wouldn't have it.
Oh! Mrs. Creddle gasped; then went on in a low tone of
apprehension and unhappiness. I didn't think it was as bad as that,
Bad! Caroline stared with genuine surprise at this reception of
her bomb-shell. He wanted to marry me, I tell you.
Mrs. Creddle shook her head. Poor Miss Laura! Well, I didn't think
he was that sort, but you never know. She paused, then said gently:
My dear little lass, don't you know all men talk like that when they
want to make fools of silly girls? I don't suppose there's hardly a
girl gone wrong in Thorhaven but the man has sworn he wanted to marry
her. It's a trick as common as sin.
You don't know what you're talking about! You've lived among a low
lot in this terrace until your mind has got poisoned, cried Caroline,
maddened with anger and shame. You're a wicked woman to have such
horrible thoughts. I'm telling you the truth. May I die to-night if I
Oh, Carrie! said Mrs. Creddle, wincing as if she had been struck.
How can you speak to me like that? I don't doubt you think it is all
true. I don't doubt he said he would throw her over and marry you. But
he didn't mean it. You never suppose he is going to give up Miss Laura
and all that money, to marry a girl that is nobody and has nothing; I
can't believe it! I never should believe it unless I saw you with his
wedding-ring on your finger.
You can believe or not, as you like, replied Caroline, regaining a
little of her self-control. At any rate, you must swear to keep it to
yourself, or I will never tell you anything again as long as I live.
I shan't want to spread such news abroad, you may be sure, said
Mrs. Creddle. But you must promise me not to trust yourself with him
alone any more, Carrie. You don't know men as I do, and he can't be up
to any good if he talks like that to you.
Oh, very well, said Caroline, looking out of the window.
I can see he's got hold of you, said Mrs. Creddle anxiously. Oh
dear! I don't know what I am to do. I daren't tell your uncle, for
there's no saying what that would lead to. But you must be fond, she
continued, exasperated, if you think he really wants to make you his
wife. Just fancy your marrying a relation of Miss Ethel's! Why, she'd
fall down dead on the spot!
That wouldn't stop me, said Caroline grimly. Lots of matches far
more unequal than that come off nowadays. But you may make your mind
easy. I aren't going to marry himand I aren't going to behave in the
way you seem to be afraid of, either. Only I'll just tell you this,
auntI can never, never feel the same to you again after what you've
Well, I can't help it! answered Mrs. Creddle. You'll come to
thank me some day, Carrie, and I suppose I shall have to wait for
that. All the same, the good woman's lip was trembling.
But Caroline, angry and dry-eyed, went to the door and called in a
shrill voice: Winnie! Winnie! Are you ready?
* * * * * *
Once outside, however, in the broad evening light, with the cool
wind from the sea touching her face and the colours of the girls'
bright dresses on the road growing faint, like flowers in a garden at
sunset, Caroline began to feel somewhat less bitterly towards Mrs.
Creddle. She remembered that her aunt had been in service as a girl,
and that no self-respecting maid-servant of those days would have
walked out late at night with a man who was a relative of their
mistress, nor would any decent-living gentleman have suggested such a
thing. But Aunt Creddle forgot that she was a business
girlself-poised, making her own position in the world as she chose.
Still her pride continued to smart even when she reached the little
Thorhaven picture house. She sat down in the semi-darkness and fixed
her eyes mechanically on the screen before her, but very little of
Winnie's clear happiness communicated itself to her. After a while,
however, she did begin to feel less miserable, because no one can be
the cause of that rippling joy in a delighted child without being
touched by it a little. But her main feeling was relief. At last she
was free to be as utterly wretched as she liked. No one could peer into
her mind as she sat there, apparently enjoying herself; she was wrapped
in a secrecy so deep that no human being could touch even the fringe of
what she was thinking about, for Winnie's remarks were only like the
chirp of a bird on the window-sill when the window is closed.
But beneath all her restless unhappiness she was still certain that
every word Godfrey said to her on Thursday night was sincere. A sort of
nobleness in her own lovedespite the flippant beginnings of itmade
her able to believe that he had not considered money or ambition any
more than she had done. It was the defenceless kindness of Laura
herself which had conquered them both. They were unable deliberately to
deal her such a blow.
But across her thoughts came the legend on the screen after the
whirl of moving figures. At first she followed the words without being
aware of them; when all at once they leapt into her consciousness with
a sort of shock.
I swear I want to marry you!
Immediately on that a man appeared on the screen with a girl in his
arms, but Caroline was not going to let her mind accept any possible
relationship between this story and her own. Then Aunt Creddle's speech
forced itself through the barrier she tried to put up and she had to
remember: Men always talk like that, Carrie. Don't you know that men
always talk like that when they want to get over a girl?
She moved restlessly in her seat, turning to Winnie: This is a
But she had to go on thinking about it. Supposing Aunt Creddle were
right? No, she couldn't be!
The memory of Godfrey's face as he looked up at her on the cliff
ledge after she had refused him came back more vividly than the picture
on the screen. That was real. If she were to doubt him, she must doubt
the sea booming on the sands and the moon in the sky
But if men did always say that? He might love her. She could not
believe that he felt no real love for her then. But could he be wanting
her love and everything else as welllike the man in the film?
She remembered that at the beginning of the interview he had
suggested their being friends after his marriage. Could it be that he
really had that in his mind all the time? Did he somehow knowthough
he loved her so then, and really meant what he saidthat he was not
going to mean it twenty-four hours later?
Suddenly she felt an overwhelming desire to ask him these questions.
She must know. She must have an answer. It was all very well to say
they would not meet again. When she said it she meant it most
sincerely; but there must be some sort of settling up before they
parted for the whole of their lives. It could not be cut off short like
that; just a kiss and running away down a dark garden. They must for
once know exactly where they stood before the shutter went up and they
could never truly look into each other's thoughts any more.
She turned to the child, who sat wide-eyed and rosy-cheeked, staring
at the pictures. I say, Winnie, I think we must be going home now,
she said. It's getting late.
She spoke gently, with a guilty consciousness of dragging Winnie
away from a rare treat; but her restlessness would not let her sit
still watching these changing, grimacing faces any longer.
Poor Winnie looked a little crestfallen but cheered up under the
promise of chocolates, and a minute or two later they were outside in
the starlit night, tasting the salt freshness of the air.
Caroline halted a moment, looking down, taking no notice of Winnie,
then she said abruptly:
We'll go by Beech Lane.
But that's so dark, pleaded Winnie, looking up anxiously,
sensitive as children are to the changed atmosphere when something goes
wrong in the mysterious grown-up world.
Oh no; not with the houses still lit up, said Caroline.
There's such a lot of trees. I hate them old trees, said Winnie
under her breath.
But Caroline did not hear her, and the two walked on silently, side
by side, under the shadow of the large beech trees which formed an
avenue beside the pavement. They went so very slowly that Winnie asked
if Caroline were tired, but receiving no answer she plodded on, still
full of the vague puzzled discomfort which all children know, and which
they never speak of to any human soul. At last she felt the hand in her
own close nervously, and then two people emerged from a gateway in
front of them.
Oh! she said, in her high little voice, there's Mr. Wilson and
Miss Temple. They're going into the house. I like Miss Temple, don't
you? She gave mother
Hush! interrupted Caroline, her whole being absorbed in watching
the couple who now stood together in the bright light which streamed
from the open door.
Coming in, Godfrey? said Laura. Caroline could hear quite plainly
from her dark ambush under the beeches.
Then followed a moment's silence, during which Caroline's heart beat
so loudly that it almost seemed to her as if they must hear the thump!
thump! thump! ever so far away, like a sound of drums beating. Then
Godfrey said: Oh yes; I'll come in. It is only about half-past nine.
She went first into the house, and he waited outside a moment with
the light streaming through the doorway full on his face. All at once
Caroline started to runshe must see him alone. She must speak to him.
Cousin Carrie! piped Winnie. You're hurting my hand! You're
hurting my hand! But the door closed before they got across the road,
and they were alone in the dark lane.
Caroline looked at that shut door, moved by an emotion which was not
only the outcome of the experience of the moment, but which was also a
part of her very flesh and blood. Her own mother. Aunt Creddle, Aunt
Ellen, generations of women before themall had lived in service and
had watched the drama of life going on behind room doors which were
always closed lest the servants should hear or see. And so acute had
these senses become, sharpened by closed doors, that they always did
see and hear, though they did not in the least resent this attitude of
their employers, considering it just a part of the existing scheme of
But Caroline was different; and as she walked slowly along with
Winnie disconsolately trudging by her side, she had an angry sense of
being shut out from all sorts of things which she had as much right to
possess as any other girl. She hated that shut doorLaura and Godfrey
inside, and herself outside; then she thought how easily she could
destroy all that if she liked, and how Laura's easy, flowery courtship
was only possible because she allowed it.
Winnie spoke again and had to be answered; then Caroline went back
to the aching round of thoughts again. She wouldn't be put aside like
thatknowing nothing. She would give up, but she would not be left
outside, guessing what was going on behind closed doors.
She tramped along, dull, dry-eyed, assailed by a strange feeling
that she belonged nowhere, neither to Aunt Creddle's sort, nor to
Laura's; yet all the time passionately aware that she was a business
girl and as good as anybody.
Then there was Winnie again. Well, poor kid, she'd had no sort of an
evening Look here, Winnie, I'll take you again next week and we'll
stop all the time.
Honour bright? said Winnie.
Honour bright! said Caroline. So Winnie cheered up, because she
knew Cousin Carrie did not break promises.
Chapter XVI. New-Comers
During the night the wind freshened, then for three days it blew
half a gale from the south-west. The sea was no longer a playfellow for
little boys and girls, but a monster whose white fangs gleamed through
the grey-blue water far out towards the horizon, ready to crunch the
bones of ships and sailors alike with a sort of roistering glee.
A few visitors still fought their way up and down the promenade; and
if of a sanguine temperament, they shouted above the wind, as they
passed Caroline in the pay-box, that this really ought to blow
the cobwebs away! But the furnished houses and apartments near the sea,
where a turn-up bed on the landing could not be obtained for love or
money six weeks ago, were now mostly empty. Even the visitors from
Flodmouth who had remained in Thorhaven because they were so near home,
began to think comfortably of lighted streets, theatres, cinemas,
concertsa general settling down to their ordinary routine of work and
When Caroline came out of the pay-box at the tea hour, she also
realized that the season was over. A sort of flat finality lay over
everything, despite the crispness of the air and the aromatic, clean
fragrance of the masses of sea-weed which had been torn from the floor
of the ocean in the storm and now lay drying on the shore.
Well, that was all over. She said so to herself as she walked away,
feeling dull, resignedit would be all the same a hundred years hence.
She had not seen Godfrey since that night on the way from the cinema
when she and Winnie caught a glimpse of him from under the dark shadow
of the trees, therefore it was plain that he must be avoiding her. He
knew her hours at the promenade, and could easily have said a word in
passing through even if he did not wish for anything more. He had taken
her at her word; but being a woman, the desire to talk everything out
grew during those three long stormy days to an agony of exasperation
which was almost worse to bear at the moment than the loss of Godfrey
After passing out of the promenade she came back again, saying to
Lillie over her shoulder that she would go home by the cliff because
she had a headache and a blow would do it good. She told herself the
same thing. But beneath all that she was eagerly aware that Godfrey's
lodgings lay in that direction. As she went down the terrace she could
see the windows all open and the landlady moving about inside with a
duster. For a moment she stood perfectly still, experiencing that
sensation of physical sickness which comes from sudden emotional
disappointment. She did not think at all, only suffered under the
maddening frustration of her desire to have it all out with Godfrey
once more before they finally parted. The waves and the sky did not
exist for her, though they would always give dignity to the memory of
what passed between Godfrey and herself that night on the cliff top.
For while the seaside accords with frothy impermanence in love as no
other background seems able to do, it is because those playing at
passion feel subconsciously how little their light loves matter in face
of that unchangeableness. Caroline stood there until she recovered
herself; then the landlady came to shake the duster from the window and
she walked slowly towards the Cottage.
* * * * * *
The ladies were already seated at tea when Caroline opened the front
door. Miss Ethel at once rose from the table with a dish of jam in her
hand. Caroline's tea, she said briefly.
But you have not taken any yourself, objected Mrs. Bradford. And
I must say I don't see why Caroline should have it when our stock is
getting so low.
We promised to board and lodge her properly in return for her
service, and I'm going to do it, said Miss Ethel with a tightening of
Well, no one can say she has done her fair share of the bargain; at
least, during the last few days, said Mrs. Bradford. She seems in a
sort of dream. Here! give me a bit more of that jam before you take it
Caroline has never forgotten to bring my morning tea once since I
was ill, said Miss Ethel. But she certainly does not seem herself
now. I don't know what is the matter with her.
Got her head full of young men, no doubt, said Mrs. Bradford. It
makes some girls like that, of course.
She glanced instinctively at her husband's picture, speaking as one
having first-hand information on all amatory matters.
Miss Ethel went into the kitchen where Caroline was already lifting
the kettle from the fire; but when the girl turned round, her face
looked so queer and drawn despite the colour which the wind had whipped
into her cheeks, that Miss Ethel felt sorry. Still, the barrier of the
room door had not been more immovably established in the consciousness
of Aunt Ellen and Aunt Creddle, than the iron law of not talking to
the servants in the minds of Miss Ethel and Mrs. Bradford. They had
been so trained in the ideathough, it only became general about a
hundred and fifty years agothat when Miss Ethel now wanted to speak
of Caroline's unhappy looks as one simple, ordinary human being to
another she could not manage to do it. She meant to be kind and yet was
obliged to assume the tone and mannerthrowing her voice flute-like,
as it were, across a gulf neither must crosswhich her mother had
always employed in speaking to the servants.
Oh! Caroline, she said, placing the jam on the table. I thought
you might like some of this for your tea. It is very stormy out
to-night, is it not? I hope you have not caught cold?
She had a habit of beginning that wayOh! Carolinewhen she
intended to give an order or make a request.
In making her perfunctory reply, Caroline never imagined for one
moment that her own healthy appetite was often satisfied at Miss
Ethel's expense. She had bargained for food, and food was there; and
there was an end of it. But the front-door bell rang, and something in
Miss Ethel's expression did then pierce her self-engrossment.
Is anything the matter, Miss Ethel?
No, no. Miss Ethel stood there, pressing her thin hands
togetherstriving to speak calmly. It is only the people to look over
the house, I expect. Then she turned round and walked with her head
erect across the hall.
The door opened to disclose a short, thin, alert man with a taller,
well-nourished woman in handsome clothes, wearing a thick coating of
scented powder on her full cheeks and thick nose. Over her whole person
was written in characters for all to read the consciousness of having
plenty of money. It was new to her, and never for a moment could she
forget it; while her husband also fed his satisfaction in having
plenty of money every time he looked at her. And yet they were not
unkindly people; ready to do a kindness if it did not take away from
them any of the luxuries, pleasures, delightful enviousness in others
less successful, which gradually would give them atrophy of the soul.
So they thought good-naturedly enough, that though the old girl
looked a bit frosty and forbidding, that was no wonderit must be a
nasty jar to have to turn out of a house where you had lived so many
years. And they made every allowance for the somewhat ceremonious
manner in which she conducted them through the rooms.
Ah yes; when I used to see you come into the front seats at the
Flodmouth concerts with your respected father, and me in the shilling
gallery, I little thought But it's one down and the other come up
in these days, Miss Wilson. Same all the world over.
Look, William! said the wife, jogging her husband's arm. That's a
beautiful old bureau. Then she turned to Miss Ethel. I dare say you
have a lot of old furniture here that will be too big for your little
house. Couldn't we offer to relieve you of some of it? I could do very
well with that bureau and no doubt other things besides.
William whipped out his pocket-book. Yes, Miss Wilson, you just say
what you want to part with, and I'll have the lot valued by anybody you
like. Pity to let the things go out of the house. He paused, suddenly
noticing the grey shade on Miss Ethel's face: then added encouragingly:
You're quite in the fashion, you know, Miss Wilson. Everybody's doing
it, from dukes downwards.
Of course, said Miss Ellen. [Transcriber's note: Ethel?]
Mrs. Bradford sat stolidly silent, taking no part in the affair, not
even when the little man said in a low voice: Deaf, I see. A great
afflictiona great affliction!
At last they had seen everything, and stood once more in the hall
before the open door. Well, we came just as a matter of form, said
the husband. Never do to buy a pig in a poke, you know! But we shall
go straight to Mr. Wilson and tell him we have decided to buy. You may
make your mind at rest about that. Of course, there is a good deal to
be done inside. But what I say is, it is a gentleman's house.
Then the wife said, glancing through the open door. Oh! by the way,
Miss Wilson, we wondered if you would mind our man coming in one day to
dig up the privet hedge? You know labour is so difficult to get in
Thorhaven, and we happen to have a man engaged for another month; so
perhaps you Her voice trailed off into silence, for she was a
little abashed by that look in Miss Ethel's pale eyes. It won't look
so pretty, of course, but it will let light and air into the house.
Oh yes, said Miss Ethel, smiling with strained lips.
Then they went down the drive, leaving her there in the doorway
staring at the privet hedge. Over the hedge, a fire had just been
lighted in the scarcely completed bungalow, so that the white smoke
streamed like a flag from the tall chimney, just moved a little from
the south so that it swung over towards the Cottage. A week or two more
and the hedge would be down. There would be no barrier at all between
this quiet garden and all those rows of houses which had been marching
on, nearer and nearer, ever since the first one was built. As Miss
Ethel stood there, she felt beaten. She knew at last, what she had
fought so hard not to know, that the powers against her in the world
were too strongthat her opposition was ridiculous and futile. Nothing
that she could ever say or do would make the slightest difference.
She returned to the room where Mrs. Bradford was sitting. They will
be sending some one to take up the hedge in a few days, she said.
You don't mean it! exclaimed Mrs. Bradford, startled into
animation. Oh, what a thing it is to be without a man in a matter like
this! I know my dear husband would never have allowed it.
But Miss Ethel was at the window again, quietly looking out. They
say it will let light and air into the house. It won't look so pretty,
but it will let light and air into the house.
Then they ceased speaking for the moment because Caroline had come
into the room to take away the tea-tray; but before she had closed the
door, Mrs. Bradford began again, still for her excitedly: Ethel! Mrs.
Graham ran in for a minute while you were upstairs, and she says Laura
Temple's wedding is put off. There came a sudden crash of crockery
just beyond the door. Caroline! cried Miss Ethel, have you let the
Caroline did not answer at first; then she said in a low voice:
There's nothing broken, Miss Ethel.
But she did not move awayonly forced her hands to hold the tray
steadily so that they should not know she was there. The next moment
she heard Miss Ethel cross the room and was obliged to go back to the
There she stood washing up over the sink, seething with a conflict
which almost maddened her. The old habit of Aunt Creddle and Aunt
Ellengrown into an instinct in course of generationsto guess, and
listen for chance words, and piece together any drama that was going on
in the room because their own lives were so circumscribed, fought
with her own free impulse to return openly and ask the plain question:
Do you know why Miss Temple's engagement is broken off?
The conflict made her feel terribly over-excited and nervous; but
she had one over-mastering reason for not obeying that impulse to ask a
direct questionshe was afraid lest these two women might see she was
in love with Godfrey. Then she happened to glance at the clock, and saw
she was already late for the promenade; but as she hurried down the
drive she heard the whistle of a railway engine and stood perfectly
still just as if some one had called to her. But that was the
five-twenty-five train, of course. That by which Godfrey invariably
returned when he had spent the day in the city, was half an hour later.
If she waited outside the station until it came in, she would be
certain to see him. He must speak to her then. This maddening
agony of uncertainty and suspense would be over at least.
But as she hurried along to the station with the moist west wind in
her face, she sawbehind those engrossing thoughtsthe other girl
waiting angrily to be released from the pay-box. Still, that didn't
matter to Caroline. Nothing mattered in the world, but getting that
talk with Godfrey. For she had reached a point now, when all these
business men and shopping ladies who began to flow past her from the
platformdrawing their scarves closer, and buttoning their coats as
they merged into the cool, salt air after the warmer atmosphere of the
cityseemed no more to her than flies buzzing round a path she was
bent on following.
Wilf came past, taking long strides and wearing a new hat which he
removed slightly; giving a sideways, condescending nod which said as
plainly as words: If you're waiting for me, miss, it's no go!
But though she nodded in return, she was not actually aware of him.
Her heart beat unevenly and she felt a suspense which ran through every
nerve and every veinshe had no feeling beyond it. Her face was ashen
as she stood by the entrance to the station, with the breakers beyond
looking cruel in the cold light. Her eyes shone black, owing to the
pupils being so distended, but she appeared pinched and quiet as she
stood there, at the edge of the crowd, for her whirling emotions had
now reached that point which looks like stillness.
All of a sudden the blood rushed up over her forehead, and she
instinctively put her hand to her heart because it seemed to be leaping
out of its place. Here was Godfrey at last, walking with another man.
She moved forward and stood directly in his way, so that he must see
her. Good evening, he said, then continued his conversation with the
broad, prosperous-looking merchant who walked by his side.
Caroline remained planted there, staring after them with an almost
foolish expression on her face. She could not take it in. It seemed
incredible. Then the two men vanished round the corner, and at the same
moment she heard a girl saying in her ear: Cheer up, Carrie! If Wilf
hasn't caught this, he will get the next. He isn't dead.
What do you mean? said Carrie, but her voice sounded muffled and
vague, even to herself.
Why, you came to meet your boy, didn't you? And he hasn't turned
up. That's what you looked like, anyway, said the girl, laughing.
Carrie made an immense effort to fight off that feeling of
faintness, saying jerkily: Oh, well, I'm off with Wilf, you know. But
the words seemed to echo in some great, vague place a long distance
Chapter XVII. The Benefit
During the evening and many hours of the night Caroline remained in
a white heat of anger and hurt pride which left no room for regret. It
was true, then, that Godfrey had only been behaving to her all the time
as Aunt Creddle said gentlemen did behave to working girls upon whom
they bestowed their attentions. She'd been treated exactly like any
little ignorant servant girl waiting at a street corner for her young
man: just such a one as her aunts and her mother had been; and yet she
felt violently that she was different. In the middle of the night she
woke to find herself muttering: I aren't going to stand it! I aren't
going to stand it! Then she bit the sheet to prevent herself from
breaking out into a storm of weeping. She loved him so, but was no
longer certain of his love. She could give him up almost gladly if he
loved her and would always love herbut this was more than she could
bear. There seemed to her no paradox in thatit was just what she
Then she saw his heavily cut face on the darkness, as he had looked
when he walked past her with that other manboth of them solid,
self-contained, out of her reach! And with that the cold wave of anger
swept over her again, overwhelming her. I can't stand it! I aren't
going to stand it. He'd no right to treat me like that, as if I were
dirt beneath his feet. I'm as good as he is.
So the conflicting thoughts went on during the night hours; all the
doubts and feelings which she had inherited, or had imbibed from the
Creddles, warring with her own independence and pride. A girl like
herself was good enough for any man. He'd no right to insult her by
passing her like that in the street when they'd kissed as they did on
the cliff top. She'd given him up, but she was going to be treated
properlynot like a girl who had done something of which they were
both ashamed. And again the helpless threat: I aren't going to stand
At last it was time to get up, and after a while to go down to the
promenade. She was by now so exhausted with emotion that she could not
feel any more and let her perceptions drift vaguely over outside
things. A bill was up on the road-side, announcing the Benefit Concert
for the band for that evening; another advertised second-hand tents and
folding chairs for sale, cheap. A girl told her about a tent that had
blown down the day of the gale, revealing a fat lady in a bathing
towelbehaviour of rude Boreas which seemed to have put an end to
bathing from tents for the season. Then a man came down the road with a
barrow, crying, Meller pears! Fine meller pe-a-a-rs! Caroline bought
some to take to Aunt Creddle, though she had had no definite thought of
going there when she started ten minutes earlier than usual, but the
ache of her exhausted emotion drew her subconsciously towards the
jolly, serene nature as a hurt child runs to its mother.
The house door was open, so she walked straight in and put the pears
down on the table. But she did not kiss her aunt, because she
instinctively feared that the slightest breath of emotion might upset
her self-control. I bought these off a barrow. Don't know if they'll
be sweet, she said. Can't stop!
Sit down a minute, said Mrs. Creddle. You look fit to drop.
Aren't you feeling well, Carrie?
Oh, I'm all right, she answered impatiently. What's that you are
It's some curtains for Miss Temple. I was there ironing yesterday,
but didn't get these finished.
Caroline sharply turned with her back to the kitchen, looking out of
the window. Did they say anything about the wedding being put off?
Yes. Miss Laura's got a chill. Something to do with her digestion.
She can't scarcely eat nothing.
Oh! Caroline could not say another word.
Of course, it's hard on Mr. Wilson; but I think she's in the right
on it. No use going away to them grand hotels if you can't enjoy the
food, pursued Mrs. Creddle.
Did youdid you hear how long it was put for? said Caroline.
Not exactly, as you may say, answered Mrs. Creddle. Miss Panton
came into the kitchen while I was there, and she said delays was
dangerous. You know her way. She seemed to think it would be next
month. She paused, then added uncomfortably: I was on pins and
needles for fear they might have heard about you and Mr. Wilson,
Carrie, you knowbeing about the lanes at night together, and that.
But I'm sure they hadn't. She paused again. Well, I aren't sorry you
had a lesson that night you were locked out, Carrie. Your mother and I
had the same sort of temptations when we were out in placingthough
you mayn't think it. There was a young gentleman from college in my
last situation who begged me almost on his bended knees to walk out
with him, but I knew what that led to. She paused again. Cheer up,
lass; it hurts a bit at the time, but it's all for the best. Once
bitten, twice shy.
You're always talking about what people did when you were
young, said Caroline, turning away abruptly.
I know that. Things is very altered since my day, said Mrs.
Creddle. But there's some things
I've no patience with people like you, aunt, said Caroline. You
know everything has changed, and yet you go on expecting girls to be
the one thing that hasn't. It isn't common sense.
She was flinging out of the kitchen, when Mrs. Creddle caught her up
and put a motherly arm about her. Good-bye, my lass. You think
nobody's felt like you before about a young man, but they have.
I don't know what you're talking about. I've a bit of a head, but
that's all, said Carrie.
After that she went away. But all the same she was a little
comfortedreal, disinterested love being the one ointment that can
soothe tender hearts not yet cauterized by pain.
So the day passed; then the next wore on towards evening, with no
sign of Godfrey. And all through the long hours, Caroline sat in the
pay-box looking out of her little windowsmall, set face, very pale,
and bright eyes intently watchinglike some creature of the wild
behind a gap in the thick leafage.
Now it was past sunset. The residents of Thorhaven had taken
possession of their town again and the few visitors who remained were
sprinkled about inconspicuously among the audience in the concert
hallthe dominant factor no longer. Caroline exchanged greetings with
many of her acquaintances who emerged from the seclusion entailed by
letting rooms or vacating houses, and now shook their feathers like
hens coming off the nest with the pleasant knowledge of a nest-egg
successfully achieved. Pretty good season, considering, ran the
verdict; but the general mind was a happy one, in spite of a certain
feeling of exhaustion. Pickles! said Lillie's mother. I give you my
word, Carrie, one lot ate cheese and pickles after the promenade every
night to that degree it fair curdles my inside to think of. But as I
say, each person's inside is their own. Live and let live, say I. And
the good woman hurried on to spend part of the proceeds of this wise
neutrality, her Sunday hat still quite like new from lack of use, and a
holiday spirit radiating from her rather worn features.
Caroline had responded to all these greetings, but she was glad when
the concert began in the promenade hall and only a few stragglers
passed through the barrier at long intervals. Once more she was free to
resume that silent, intent watch which had occupied nearly the whole
But night was coming on fast nowwith a heavy ground-swell and a
wild streak of orange on the western sky. Caroline never thought once
of the sea, and certainly was not conscious of being affected by
itshe was, in fact, not aware of it at all. Yet it was just because
she did most deeply respond to it that her affair with Godfrey was
lifted for her beyond the trivial into those regions where passion
really has dignity. That interview of theirs on the cliff top would
have been poignant for both if it had taken place in a dingy back
sitting-room; but something must have been absentthat unforgettable
thrill which comes when beauty is joined to great emotion.
After a while, Caroline saw a woman leave the concert hall to cross
the promenade, which already gleamed darkly with rain-drops. As she
went through the turnstile she said: I doubt we shall have a wet
night. Then followed a storm of applause from the hall. There! added
the woman, I wish I could have stopped for the encore, but I had to
get away, though I was forced to squeeze past Miss Temple and her
gentleman on my way out. She does look bad, my word! Them that said it
was all a tale about her being ill, have only to look at her. Well,
Caroline waited a moment, then thrust her head forward and peered
round the black space between her and the hall; and as she did so, her
likeness to some watching wild creature became intensified. Then she
withdrew her head, rose from her seat and came out of the pay-box,
looking over her shoulder. With light, quick steps she went round the
glass walls of the hall until she reached a place through which she
could see the occupants of the front seats. Just as she came to a
stand, seeking for Laura with heart throbbing and every pulse alert,
the singer returned to give the encore.
The voice was long past its prime, but a window above had been
opened wide for ventilation and the song could be heard clearly enough.
As Caroline peered in vain through the glass dimmed by heat and human
breath, the sentimental words floated out over her head; and the heavy
organ-like accompaniment of the ground-swell made them more than ever
ephemeral. A few bars of music, sounding so thin and strange against
the booming of the sea, and then the next verse:
Now we are young,
Life's meaning all grows clear,
Does he but whisper low:
My dearmy dear!
She pressed her forehead close to the glass, trying to keep back the
tears, for she despised crying. Then the singer began againthe clear
articulation almost all she had left:
And if we part,
I shall not cease to hear
For ever in my heart:
My dearmy dear!
Caroline could not keep the tears back any longer. They would come,
and she wiped them away with her fingers as she walked away. But the
singer was evidently roused by applause to an extra effort, for the
voice gained for the moment some of the timbre of her triumphant youth,
and Caroline could hear more and more softly as she went farther off:
When we are old
Some love-words disappear,
But this goes all the way;
My dearmy dear!
She did not see the sentimentality of the song because she liked it,
just as she liked the simple love-stories with bright covers; and she
had hardly time to dry her eyes before the band began to play God Save
the King, and the people to surge through the large gates which were
now set open. As soon as she could shut up the pay-box she slipped away
into the darkness of the promenade, to escape the crowd who went mostly
by the high road. A few steps beyond the north exit took her into
absolute solitude, but the rain which was already falling quickly made
her afraid of venturing far along the slippery path. The sea and sky
were all darkno white breakers on the heavy swell and no stars in the
sky. She felt unutterably sad and deserted, standing there for a moment
before she turned up the little terrace which led to the main road. But
though she told herself that she was going this way because she had
been crying and wished to meet no one, she knew, behind that, that she
was lying to herself. She had to know why she really came this
way, and what she meant to do, because she had an honest soul.
Then she turned round and went up the uneven road between the dark
little houses in the terrace. Only one house still remained lighted
downstairs, though the upper blinds were nearly all illuminated from
within. Caroline's eyes were fixed on that one house as she went along,
and without allowing herself time to think she opened the little iron
gate. Then she paused a moment, glancing up towards the attic bedroom
where the woman with whom Godfrey lodged was already taking off her
tightly curled fringe, and the uncompromising corsets in which she
barricaded herself during the waking hours.
With a long knowledge of Thorhaven ways Caroline gently turned the
front-door handle, and was not surprised to find the door left on the
latch against Godfrey's return. She entered very quietly, tip-toeing
down the passage, and went straight into the front room where stood
lamp, kettle and other preparations for a light meal.
Caroline breathed hard as she reached the middle of the room,
experiencing the odd sense of having been followed by unknown dangers
which children know when they run down a long stairway in the dark. But
here she was safe. The lampthe chairnewspaperthe little meal set
readyall reassured her. Yet she was still standing, peering
bright-eyed here and there, when a quick step sounded outside, and the
next minute Godfrey hurried into the room. You, here! he said,
staring at her, greatly startled. What's the matter?
Nothing. She moved back towards the fireplace. . . . He had not
kissed her; he had not even held out his hand. I aren't going to
stop, she said in a low tone. I only wanted to know ifif your
wedding was really broken off for the reason they said. I felt as if I
must know. II thought perhaps she'd heard something about you and
How should she hear anything? he said. The poor girl is ill
enough, as anybody can see. But she would come to this rotten concert
to-night in spite of all Miss Panton and I could say. She seems unable
to keep quiet. He paused and added jerkily: I suppose you know we
were to have been married to-day?
Yes. Caroline felt the room swim round her, but she clutched the
mantelpiece and kept quiet.
I came for a couple of umbrellas. She and Miss Panton are waiting
under shelter in the hall. I can't stay. He spoke abruptly, uneasily.
Oh, I won't keep you. She moved a step or two forward and swayed a
little, so that he was obliged to catch hold of her by the arm. The
next second he was clasping her close while they looked into each
other's eyes with a burning curiosity that must at all costs be
satisfied. Do you love me still? Do you love me still? And yet there
was absolute silence in the room while the question was asked and
Oh, I don't mind now, sobbed Caroline. I don't mind now. It was
only when I thought
Hush! said Godfrey, moving away. What's that?
It sounds like Miss Armitage coming down, said Caroline, hurrying
towards the door. I'll slip out as quickly as I She drew back.
Oh! Then pulled herself together as the landlady in curled fringe and
long grey ulster entered the room, primming long, thin lips.
Oh! Good evening, Miss Raby, said the woman. I'm sorry if I
intrude. I heard voices down below and I didn't know who it might be. I
wasn't aware, Mr. Wilson, you had visitors.
No more have I, said Godfrey lightly. Miss Raby has just come
with a message from Miss Wilson. I suppose you can't lend her an
umbrella, Miss Armitage? I have to hurry away to the promenade with
both mine. Miss Temple and Miss Panton are waiting for me there. He
turned to Caroline. I'm afraid I must hurry away. Good night.
As he went off. Miss Armitage said somewhat grudgingly: If you wait
a minute, I dare say I can find you an old umbrella some visitors left
here in the summer.
Please don't bother. I'm neither sugar nor salt, said Caroline
pleasantly. Good night, Miss Armitage.
And her happy tone was not all put on; because though the tangle and
bitterness would come back again before the morning, she could realize
nothing in the world now but the triumphant answer to that question she
had wanted to ask during all those hours when she looked at the waves
without seeing them and heard their moaning only inside her heart.
Chapter XVIII. Uprooting
Mrs. Bradford and Miss Ethel came out of the Cottage and walked
through the garden in whichon so many windy, sunshiny morningsthey
had done a little weeding or planting before they went to shop in the
long street, where everybody knew them and everybody treated them with
respect. Yes, Miss Wilson. I'll be sure to let you have the middle
cut, ma'am. Beautiful day for the time of year. But now there was a
Take it or leave it attitude which grated very much on Miss Ethel's
susceptibilities as she gave her small orders, and she felt thankful
there was no shopping to be done on this particular morning. All the
same, the errand on which she actually was bent made the way as painful
to her as if she had been treading on sharp stones.
I think Godfrey might have gone over the house with us, as he
promised, instead of just leaving the key, she said.
Did Caroline take the key in? I suppose there was no message? said
No: she said not. I asked her. Miss Ethel paused. I thought there
was something rather funny in her manner.
What! You don't think there is anything in what the Grahams said?
exclaimed Mrs. Bradford, speaking far more alertly than usual.
Of course I don't, said Miss Ethel.
But Mr. Graham is sure he saw Godfrey go up to Caroline at the Gala
on the promenade the minute our backs were turned. It was when he went
back to buy those air-balloons for the children at the Home and he
happened to look round.
Well, what is there in that? I don't say he is by any means my
ideal of a young man, said Miss Ethel. Then she added after a pause:
You must not dream of mentioning the subject to Caroline. It is not
They walked a few paces in silence, aware that they could not afford
to send Caroline away even if she were a bad girl, and yet shamed
within themselves by the knowledge.
The Grahams seemed to think Godfrey has had serious money losses,
remarked Mrs. Bradford at last. Lucky he had Laura's money to fall
Well, I think she is lucky in having him to make the most of her
capital, said Miss Ethel. He has a wonderful head for business. Any
difficulties that he may have will be only temporary. They were both
talking without heeding particularly what they said, nervously
engrossed by the errand on which they were bent.
But at last they turned the corner of Emerald Avenue, and the blank
fact had to be faced. That is our house, then. Number fifteen, said
So they went through the little iron gate, and an old man came
hobbling across the street to speak to them. Good morning, ladies, he
said in a high trembling voice. I hear you're going to live here. I
hear my darter's a-going to have you for a neighbour. Well! well! Who'd
His intention was kindly, but his manner showed a sort of triumph
underneath: it was in some way gratifying to him that Miss Ethel, who
used to give him tobacco and other little comforts, had come down to
the same level as his daughter. Not that he had received anything
lately, because Miss Ethel had nothing to give, while his son-in-law
made good wages and his daughter let rooms. At any rate Miss Ethel
missed the power to give far more than he missed the tobacco; and that
from no desire to patronizethough perhaps she did like the gratifying
glow of that feeling a littlebut because of the real goodness and
generosity at the bottom of her nature.
I'm sure we shall be glad to have such good neighbours, she said
Yes, yes. My darter's family wants for nothing. They've gotten one
of these 'ere gramophones an all, chuckled the old man. You'll hear
it through the wall and it'll mebbe cheer you up if you feel dowly. But
it's hard moving at your time of life.
Then he went off, chuckling and muttering to himself, and Mrs.
Bradford and Miss Ethel walked up the tiny path to the house which was
to be their home for the rest of their lives. But before they reached
the door it opened from within, and there stood Laura Temple. She was
smiling, and yet her kind eyes were bright with tears which she could
scarcely keep from fallingfor the two ageing women looked somehow so
forlorn in the bright sunshine on the threshold of all this
strangeness. But after the briefest pause Miss Ethel relieved the
situation by saying briskly: So you have opened the windows. Now that
was good of you.
Oh, Nanty did that. She's here, too, said Laura. Then they all
went through the narrow passage into the front room.
There is only one corner where I can have my chair, said Mrs.
Bradford immediately. Laura dear, those who lead an active life can't
understand how important it is for anyone like me to have a chair in
the right place. But you have not been well yourself. I can quite
understand your not wanting to go away on a honeymoon when you are not
feeling well. I shall never forget having a bilious attack on my own
honeymoon. I would always recommend a small medicine chest as part of
the wedding outfitsore-throat remedies and gregory powder, and so on.
My dear husband said that, so far as he was concerned, biliousness did
not destroy romance; but there are bridegrooms and bridegrooms, and you
never know until
We'd better begin measuring the floor, interposed Miss Ethel
uneasily, anxious to cut short this unusual loquacity on the part of
Mrs. Bradford, which she knew to be caused by the general upset of
looking forward to an entire change of place and routine. Don't you
think the old dining-room carpet will do very well here?
She opened the room door suddenly to discover Miss Panton just
outside suppressing her emotion with a handkerchief pressed to her
lips. Now she was obliged to let it finally escape in a sort of whoop.
Oh! Excuse me. I can't help it! It's the thought of you here, she
said excitedly. I know silence is golden, but there are tibes And
to see Miss Ethel going round on her hands and dees with a tape beasure
as if it was only an ordinary spring cleaning Never had the
catarrh been so marked and so marked in its effects on her m's and n's.
Nonsense! We shall be quite comfortable here and much less work to
do. Thousands of richer people than ourselves are having to move into
smaller houses, said Miss Ethel; but she was touched all the same.
I'm not sure my chair will stand in that corner, said Mrs.
Bradford, going back to her great preoccupation. I must measure it. I
do wish I had it here.
I can easily run and get the measurements, said Laura.
You're sure it won't upset you, said Miss Panton. You know you
ought to take care.
Of course not, said Laura. I'm nearly all right again.
But she stood facing the strong light which fell through the
uncurtained window, and her face looked very pale beneath the tan; it
had the queer bleached appearance which is observable in such
complexions even while the healthy brown and red still remain. There
were dark marks underneath her eyes, too, which accentuated the faint
lines near the mouth. Miss Ethel, glancing across at her was struck for
the first time by the fact that Laura was not a young girl any more,
though the effect of girlishness produced by her figure and the poise
of her head still remained.
Then she went away to measure the chair, while Miss Ethel wrote some
figures in a little book and remarked that she would now go up to the
Then I'll just stay where I am, said Mrs. Bradford. There is
nothing for two to do, is there? And you know my legs, of course
She did not trouble to be more explicit, because her unusual garrulity
was dying down now Miss Panton and Laura had gone, and she knew Ethel
would be reasonable enough to understand that the legs of a married
lady could not be expected to go up and down stairs as easily as those
of a spinster.
Miss Ethel herself so belonged to the generation when a married
woman was necessarily on a different and higher level than an old
maid, that though she knew her sister in many ways to be a fool, she
yet bowed to the unassailable superiority of the widow. She really did
feel that the useless legs of her widowed sister were more worthy of
consideration than her own unwedded limbs as she trudged upstairs.
When she spread the measuring tape across the floor in front of the
window, her glance wandered for a moment to the house opposite where a
fat woman in an untidy blouse was standing in the doorway laughing and
talking with the milkman. A small child dragged a noisy cart along the
pavement, eating at the same time a large piece of Yorkshire pie. Then
a second woman opened the next door and joined the fun. They were all
jolly together, self-satisfied. They had done well, and were relaxing
after the rush of the season; but they seemed very far away from Miss
Ethel as she looked out of the window.
Still she never thought of envying them their jollity and
self-satisfaction. Deep in her heart she knew she would rather be
herself with nothing, than such as they with everything. She had only a
vague sense of uneasiness, which was deepened by the sound of the
gramophone next door grinding out Home, sweet Home. For her sake the
old manwho lived with his daughter during the winter when lodgers
were fewhad sinned against the law which prohibited his use of the
new gramophone. This was partly because he really wanted to cheer Miss
Ethel, and partly because he realized his daughter's good fortune
better when he thought of the ladies listening to him through the wall.
But Miss Ethel's attention was soon distracted, for a baby wailed in
the house on the other side, and a fish cart went past ringing a loud
bell to warn the women to run out with their dishes. The bell was harsh
in tone, filling the street with clamour, and when the cart started
again after a purchase the bell pealed afresh each time. It was some
time before the desire of Emerald Avenue for the harvest of the sea was
satisfied, but in the comparative silence which at last ensued, Miss
Ethel pressed her hand to her forehead as she rose dizzily from her
knees. For a moment or two the house opposite looked blurred, then the
haziness passed off, and she saw the road lying empty in the grey
lightthe lace-curtained windows, the sideboard with a mirror back on
the far side of the room, even the vase of faded flowers.
But despite the minute definiteness of it all, she had a most queer
feeling of unreality. She told herself that this would probably be her
home until she died, and that there was nothing to complain ofshe
ought to be ashamed to complain. But the words which were forming on
the surface of her thoughts seemed to have no relation whatever to
anything going on underneath. She could not, or would not try to see
deep down, because that odd sense of unreality rather frightened her;
but something rose up like an emanationa presentiment, she would have
called it, had she allowed herself to do so. But the whole idea of her
living here seemed so pervaded with bleak unreality, as she stood there
looking out of the window, that it seemed to be wiped out of the scheme
of actual human happenings. Then from that under-swirl of feeling rose
one definite thought: I shall never live here.
She turned abruptly from the window, bracing herself by saying
aloud: Bless me! I'm getting like the old women in Back Hoggate. I
shall soon be counting my ailing relatives over if a spark flies out of
the candle. But even this comparison of herself with the superstitious
inhabitants of the oldest part of Thorhaven did not drive away that
unpleasant feeling, and she felt relieved by the sound of a human voice
calling up the stairs: Miss Ethel! I've brought the key. And I have
put your lunch ready, and left the kettle on. I thought you might be
glad of a cup of tea.
The voice, fresh, confident, full of abounding vitality, dispelled
those queer sensations of Miss Ethel's. She came to the top of the
stairs and thanked Caroline, for she had learned that she could no
longer take good and willing service for granted. The extent, indeed,
to which she had been bowed by circumstances, showed in her anxious,
almost humble manner, as she hastened to adddespite her annoyance
about the gossip concerning Caroline and Godfrey: I hope you found the
small beef-steak pie I left for your dinner? I forgot to tell you it
was in the safe.
Oh, I got all I wanted, thank you, said Caroline, adding as she
went again down the passage: I'll come straight in, Miss Ethel.
For she had felt very sorry for these two women as she busied
herself about the house all the morning, doing her best to make things
cheerful against their return. But on the way here, a few minutes ago,
she had met Laura Temple on the road, and that put everything else out
of her mind. She actually held her breath as they approached, wondering
what would happen. If Laura had heard any of the gossip that was about
the town her salutationsupposing she gave one at allwould be
But her pleasant Good morning, Miss Raby, was just the same as
usual; and though there might be a stiffness about Miss Panton's
greeting, that lady never had been cordial.
But the brief encounter had left Caroline disturbed, confused,
breathlessas if she had been running too fast for her strength. Her
knees shook under her as she went on her way towards Emerald Avenue,
though she looked just as usualable to exchange a chaffing word with
a boy of her acquaintance. For she, no less than other human beings,
would be obliged to go through the tremendous crises of her emotional
existence in the street, or at a party, or in a tram-carher real self
kept close, enshrouded by that strange cloak which hides every man from
Still it was obvious that Laura knew nothing. The marriage really
had been put off for the reason stated. No one could doubt that who saw
Laura's face even casually in the street.
Caroline had nearly reached Emerald Avenue when it occurred to her
that Laura was probably going to the Cottage and would need her key.
But she could not run after her with it. She felt a physical revulsion
at the bare thought of speaking to a girl who was engaged to
Godfreytalking to himreceiving his kisses
It had seemed almost easy, that first night on the cliff top, to
behave decently about it all. But then everything had turned different.
She could scarcely realize now how it had then seemed so clear, so
entirely possible at once to give him up, and to be always certain of
his love. The difficulties and confusions all came afterwards.
She told herself once more as she walked along that Godfrey could
not possibly be such a cad as to throw over a poor girl who was crazy
about him just before the wedding day, nor could he be meeting another
girl on the sly at the same time.
And yet the sick trembling brought on by the sight of Laura remained
until she reached Emerald Avenue. She had no room in her thoughts for
the sorrows of others when she arrived with the key.
Miss Ethel came down directly she left, having finished measuring
the floors; and after a while Laura came back to say that she had
stupidly forgotten when she met Caroline on the way to ask her if the
house were locked, so that she and Miss Panton could not get in, of
course. She thought it strange that Caroline had not mentioned the key,
as she had it in her hand; and after wondering about this a little they
all went away, walking together to the end of the street. Here the
ladies from the Cottage turned off towards the north, and when they had
gone a little way in silence, Miss Ethel said: Flamborough looks very
clear to-day. We shall have rain. For she hoped by starting this
subject to turn her sister's slow-moving thoughts away from the new
house. She felt just then that she simply could not endure to discuss
But Mrs. Bradford did not want to talk about Flamborough.
I do wish, she said, Laura had got the measurements of my chair.
I am afraid there may not be room for it on that side of the fire
So all the way home, at intervals, she kept bemoaning the possible lack
of space for her chair.
Miss Ethel felt very tired. But at last they reached the gate of the
Cottage, and as they walked up the drive they saw that a man was at
work taking up the privet hedge. He was doing it badly, mauling the
fine roots in a way that made Mrs. Bradford for once almost energetic
in her annoyance.
Don't look! I can't bear to look at our poor hedge, she said,
turning her head away.
Miss Ethel's glance rested indifferently on the man and the
partially destroyed hedge. What does it matter? she said, and walked
on to the front door.
You mean, because we shall not be here? said Mrs. Bradford
uneasily, for even she felt there was something a little uncomfortable
in her sister's voice and look.
But Miss Ethel's glance passed over the neat little lozenge-shaped
leaves which lay torn from their place but still clinging to the
branches, almost with indifference: then she went straight into the
hall, making no reply, and Mrs. Bradford followed slowly, filled with
the dull discomfort of the cat turned out of its basket. Her feeling
was different from Miss Ethel'sless acutebut she was not in the
least consoled by her vague knowledge that she was sharing this
experience with thousands of middle-aged men and women all over Europe.
Chapter XIX. A Windy
It was the last week of the Thorhaven season, and a gale from the
south-west tore across the little town, blowing away all the remaining
visitorsexcepting a few barnacles who had moved into the cheap rooms
or furnished houses, and intended to stay for the winter.
Miss Ethel heard the familiar sounds of windows rattling and
chimneys roaring as they do in an old house, but she was so used to
them that she never heeded; they formed part of the background of her
life without which, she vaguely apprehended, she would appear as baldly
incomplete as a figure cut out with sharp scissors from an old print.
But as she stood there on the landing she became gradually aware of
another noise with which she was not familiar, for the simple reason
that Ellen had never set the maid's door and window sufficiently wide
open in a high wind to produce a gale rushing through the house with
such a flap and clatter of blinds and curtains.
Miss Ethel frowned as she marched into the room for she saw the
casement window set wide, banging to and fro on the metal fastener. A
little more, and it would be blown clear out, to lie shattered on the
path below. But when she had closed it, she was suddenly struck by the
entire absence of that peculiar close odour which had always been
present when the room was occupied by the immaculate Ellen and her
predecessors. Now there was only the fresh feeling of salt air, mingled
with a very faint fragrance of violets which came either from the soap
or from the powder on the toilet table. A nail-polisher lay on the
looking-glass, hastily thrown down; and that also witnessed to that
bodily self-respect which Caroline shared with nearly all those other
girls in Thorhaven who would have been in domestic service ten years
ago, but now went daily to shops and offices. They meant to be the
equal of any girls in the world, and they began by being personally
nice in those secret ways, which are only apparent in the general
effect. You could meet them anywhere up and downclear skins sometimes
too heavily powderedbright hairpink fingers with delicately tended
Caroline had gone off hurriedly that morning, because she wanted to
do as much housework as she could before leaving for the promenade. She
was sorry for Miss Ethel, who did not look at all well, though this
feeling was blunted by her pre-occupation with her own troublesfor it
had become quite plain that Godfrey was deliberately avoiding her.
At this moment she was walking quickly along the road, head to the
wind; then, turning, found herself sheltered from west and south to
some extent by the houses opposite the promenade. But once in the
little pay-box she had to listen all day while the little window
rattled unceasingly, and the boards creaked as the gale swept across
The weather remained like that during the whole week, and Caroline
was on duty all day excepting for her meal-times. Occasionally a gleam
of sun touched the white crests of the breakers, but immediately
afterwards a sharp spatter of rain would drive in the faces of the few
who were tempted out.
The hours seemed endless to Caroline as she sat therelistening to
the howl and rattle of the wind, and the roaring of the sea, without
knowing that she listened to them. But very gradually she began to feel
in her spirit the effect of that deep, endless booming, and of the
tremendous procession of the breakers that came on and on all day long.
It made her almost dizzy, but when she turned for relief to the land,
the promenade and the little town itself seemed only like leaves swept
together by chance for a moment on the edge of a torrent. A horrid
sense of the shortness of life assailed Caroline now, as it will
sometimes assail young people when they are dispirited. She felt that
cold breath from the immense spaces of eternity to which the young are
But the week would soon be over She consoled herself by that
thought as she sat before the little window knitting a woollen coat to
wear when she went to office in Flodmouth. Every now and then she
glanced drearily at the grey waves with the white crests, coming on and
on It was a rotten world, and she didn't care. What was the good of
it all, anyway?
Then a subscriber passed through to the promenade; but her reply to
his remark about the weather was as mechanical as her release of the
iron turnstile. Directly he was gone she looked out to sea again,
thinking now of a girl who had been drowned farther along the coast not
long before. Well, she only wished the waves would come over the
promenade and take her with them, then she'd be out of it all.
But she did not mean that really; because certain qualities she
inherited from her sturdy Yorkshire ancestors would always prevent her
from choosing the way of the neurotic. She would be brave enough to
live out her life, though she had ceased to expect happiness as a
A sharp gust of rain on the window made her look down the promenade.
Now the stray figures would come scurrying through again to their homes
or lodgings, and she automatically prepared to release the turnstile
quickly to oblige people in haste. Then, with a little leap of the
pulses, she saw Aunt Creddle. It was Aunt Creddle, out at half-past
eleven on baking-day, with her print, working dress ballooning under
that old coat and the hair straggling over her face. Caroline jumped up
and ran out of the pay-box, her knitting still in her hand, the shower
of cold, sharp drops driving across her.
What's the matter? she cried. Has one of the children got hurt?
Mrs. Creddle so panted for breath that she could only sign with a
toil-scarred hand for Caroline to go back into shelter, but on reaching
a little protection from the wind she managed to gasp out:
Nobody's ill. There's nothing the matter. Not in a manner of
speaking. Can I come inside there?
Caroline took her arm and put her into the chair, then shut the door
in the side of the little wooden turret. They two seemed very close
together in the midst of the storm and wind.
Why, whatever made you come out like this? said Caroline, removing
the wet cloak. You must have wanted a job, aunt.
Mrs. Creddle shook her head, her hand on her heartfor she was a
stout woman and upset by her tussle with the elements. You may be sure
that it was something that wouldn't keep, she said at last. Then she
burst forth: Carrie, your uncle has been to Mr. Wilson! He's been and
told him that if he ever catches you together again he'll break a stick
over his back. He lost a couple of hours this morning, and he went and
told him. Now he's gone to his work, and I come on here.
What! gasped Caroline, her eyes black in a face as white as death.
Uncle's dared to insult me by doing a thing like that? What made him
He was at the Buffaloes last night, and when they came away he
heard one man say to another that you was Wilson's fancy lady She
paused and added in a low tone: They said you'd been stopping out all
Uncle knows I didn't, said Caroline, beginning to tremble. What
beasts men are! Didn't uncle tell them?
Oh yes; he told 'em right enough. But he come home in a fine rage,
I can tell you. He said he wasn't going to have no more of it: and I
believe he would have gone straight to Miss Templeonly she has always
behaved very decent to us, and he didn't like to make mischief, seeing
she is so set on the feller.
Why didn't uncle come to me? said Caroline. Why didn't you make
Mrs. Creddle shook her head. When you know as much about men as I
But what was his reason? asked Caroline.
He said it was no good saying anything to you, because when a lass
gets feller-fond there's no doing nothing with her. He said he couldn't
use the strap to you now, but he wasn't going to have any lass
belonging to him talked about in that way.
There was a moment's silence. Did uncle tell you what Mr. Wilson
said? Then she threw up her head. But I expect he threatened to go
Go for him! echoed Mrs. Creddle. Not he. He only wanted to get
away and not have a scandal in the place.
I don't believe that, said Caroline. Uncle can say what he likes,
but I don't believe that.
It's true, my lass, said Mrs. Creddle kindly. I ran along to tell
you now, for fear you should come across Wilson or your uncle before
you knew. He promised on his honour to have naught no more to do with
Did he? said Caroline, her blazing eyes very near to her aunt's in
that tiny place. Then he is a day too late for the fairand uncle
too. You may tell uncle that. I haven't seen Mr. Wilson for ten days or
more, and I'll never enter uncle's house again as long as I live.
You mustn't talk like that, honey, said Mrs. Creddle. Uncle took
it to heart because he thinks such a lot of you. But you'll soon find
some nice young feller in your own station of life next time: don't go
hankering after a gentleman, my dear. You would never get one of the
best sort, and the other sort's no good to you. She sighed. But you
always had high notions, Carrie, though I don't know where you get them
from. I suppose they're going about. With that Mrs. Creddle opened the
little door of the pay-box, and let in a blast of air that nearly blew
her hat from her head; then she hurried down the wind-swept road in
order to get her husband's dinner ready before that already irritated
breadwinner should return.
But Caroline sat down again on her chair and threw open the little
window so that the salt air could blow across her face. She did not
want to cry, because at any minute some one might want to come through
the barrier; but after a minute or two she had no fear of that. She
began to burn so with outraged pride that she could not yet feel the
deeper ache of wounded love. Over and over again the words formed of
themselves on the surface of the whirling storm in her mind: I aren't
going to give in! I aren't going to be pitied!
Then a member of the promenade band came along, fighting with the
gale, obliged to fetch some music which he had left in the hall the
night before. Wild morning! Can't say I'm sorry we close to-morrow,
Caroline answered him, but he still lingered, though he had never
taken any particular notice of her before, and did not know why he felt
inclined to stop to-day. He suddenly felt that Caroline was
interesting, though he was not actually aware of that odd shining of
the spirit through the fleshlike a lamp in an alabaster vasewhich
was characteristic of Caroline in moments of supreme, passionate
emotion. All he thought was, that there was something unusual about the
girl, and that he was sorry he had not noticed it before.
Still, as a decent married man with a wife and children, he took
such pleasures as talking to the girl on the promenade in strict
moderation, so very soon he went off with his mackintosh flapping.
A few minutes later Lillie came to relieve guard, her woollen tam o'
shanter wet and her front hair blown out of curl.
I've had about enough of this, she said. I'm going to find
another job before next summer.
Oh, I expect your job will be putting your boy's slippers before
the fire and getting his tea ready, said Caroline, still speaking from
the very top of her thoughtsas careful as if she were treading on
very thin ice, not to risk the depths.
The prospective bride giggled, gratified, and Caroline went out; but
the next minute she was startled to hear Lillie call shrilly from the
little window: Carrie! Carrie! You've forgotten your umbrella, and on
a day like this! You must be in love!
Caroline took the umbrella, but said nothing; she was at the end of
Chapter XX. Levelling
When Caroline reached the Cottage she was surprised to see the front
door standing wide open, for the storm swept full across the garden
from the south now that the privet hedge was taken up. The next moment
Laura came out, her face almost ghastly under the tan, and she put her
hand on Caroline's arm.
There's bad news, she said, and paused. Caroline's thoughts flew
to Godfrey, and her heart missed a beat. Then Laura went on again:
Miss Ethel has had a fall. I am afraid she is very seriously ill
indeed. She was carrying a china pail downstairs and it was too heavy
Caroline stared into Laura's face, forgetting Godfrey. Oh, Miss
Laura! I know what it was. I forgot to empty the pail, and she was
doing it. If she dies I have killed her. It's my fault. It's all my
Oh no; nothing of the sort, said Laura, a little impatiently, for
she had no clue to Caroline's previously over-wrought condition. The
doctor thinks the fall was owing to some sort of seizure.
Then they entered the house together, and as they crossed the hall
Wilson came out from the sitting-room; but beyond a grave good morning
to Caroline he said nothing, passing at once to the coat lobby to fetch
his hat and coat.
Caroline hesitated a moment, not quite knowing what to do: then she
went into the kitchen. Her meal was put ready on the table just as Miss
Ethel had left it, and when Caroline saw the piece of meat and the cold
tart and bread so neatly arranged for her by those hands so long
unaccustomed to manual labour, she felt her lips begin to tremble. It
was hard. Poor Miss Ethel! Poor Miss Ethel! If only she had remembered
to empty that pail! If only And all at once she was seized by a
passion of weeping which she could neither stop nor control. But it was
not really for Miss Ethelit was for that, terrible blow to her love
and pride which came before.
Then Miss Panton came into the kitchen with a hot-water bottle; so
Caroline sprang up, choking back her sobs. Here, let me fill that,
Miss Panton! As she went to the fireplace where there was a kettle
boiling, she added in a low voice: How is Miss Ethel now?
The doctor says she is unconscious, answered Miss Panton, also
speaking in the unnatural voice which people use at such a time. It
was a blessing the man happened to be laying sods where the privet
hedge used to be, or I don't know what Mrs. Bradford would have done.
She ran out to him, and he fetched the woman who lives in that new
house over the hedge. It seems she was a trained nurse before she
I hope Miss Ethel didn't know. She hated that house being built,
I don't think she knew; but it wouldn't have mattered to her, poor
dear, said Miss Panton. I suppose that's why it is so dreadful to
feel that nothing mattersit always has a taste of death. She spoke
from the deeps of her own experience, wise with what she had lived
through; but the next second she turned uncertain again and thrust
forth one of her copy-book maxims. Yes, yes. Decessity makes strange
Caroline fastened the hot-water bag. I'll run upstairs with this,
she said. Then I shall see if there is anything else I can do.
I am afraid there is dothing anyone can do, said Miss Panton, for
her catarrh had come back with her nervous self-consciousness.
Mrs. Bradford came slowly downstairs into the hall, her big face
congested with weeping. Oh, Caroline! she said.
But she could not say any more, and walked on into the sitting-room
where the Vicar was already seated.
Oh, Vicar: I'm afraid you are too late, she said, and began to
weep afresh. It's so dreadfully, dreadfully sudden.
I came the moment Mr. Wilson told me. I chanced to be in the
house, said the Vicar. He paused. I wouldn't trouble too much about
my being late, Mrs. Bradford. Miss Ethel did not leave things until
now, you know. She was ready to meet her God.
She is quite unconscious, said Mrs. Bradford. At first she kept
murmuring over and over: 'Everything's so different.everything's so
different.' But the doctor said it was probably what she was saying to
herself when she fell. It meant nothing.
Meant nothing! It was Miss Panton's voice, which cut abruptly
across their solemn conversation, startling them both; but she had
again forgotten herself entirely. You say it meant nothingwhen she's
dying of it.
Of what? Of things being different! said Laura, speaking from a
corner of the room where she had intended to remain silent.
But some one had to break that terrible pause. For Miss
PantonNantywith all her silliness had spoken words which were to
all of them like a search-light suddenly turned upon the inner secrets
of the woman who was dying upstairs.
Poor Ethel! I'm afraid so, said Mrs. Bradford. It's true that she
did take things to heartabout the new houses, and the hedge, and all
the rest. But the next moment that blinding light was blurred in Mrs.
Bradford's mind: Of course I disliked the changes tooonly I took
them differently. I am sure they did not produce my sister's illness.
Of course not. And she glanced at Miss Panton with heavy-eyed
I am afraid Miss Ethel dreaded the idea of leaving this house,
said the Vicar.
Yes, yes, said Mrs. Bradford. You see, it was the only home my
sister ever knew. And despite her real grief, she glanced up
instinctively at Mr. Bradford's portrait, triumphing over the sister
who lay upstairs.
Some natures find these swift and tremendous changes harder to bear
than others, said the Vicar. But there is only one way for people
like ourselves to take it, Mrs. Bradford. We must be kind, do the next
job, and hold fast
Then he broke off, for the nurse was beckoning at the door; the end
had come sooner than they expected.
* * * * * *
Caroline drew down the blinds all over the house and then hovered
about the hall in her coat and hat, not knowing whether to go back to
the promenade or not. Lillie would want to leave, of course; but then
she herself might be required here. At last Godfrey came through, but
he did not seem real to her. She was so exhausted by her own emotion
and by the shock of Miss Ethel's death, that she was actually
indifferent to him for the moment.
Do you think I ought to go for Aunt Creddle? she said tonelessly.
They will want some one to help.
He did not answer at once, looking at her with a harassed
expression, as if he scarcely was aware of what she said. He had a
strained and haggard look which sat so oddly on his firm-fleshed,
strong-featured face, but she knew it was not produced by grief for
Miss Ethel. There was a little leap of the heart, then dull apathy
again. Of course it was the money troubles which everybody seemed to
She was about to repeat the question about Aunt Creddle, when Laura
came out of the room, and Godfrey immediately said with an air of
relief: Oh, here is Miss Temple. She will be able to tell you better
than I can.
Laura paused, and for a moment the two girls stared at each
otherinterrogating, blaming, excusingwhat was it? Anyway, it was
over in a flash. The next second Caroline felt it was all imagination,
for Laura came forward as frankly as usual, though her kind eyes were a
little swollen with tears.
What a good idea, Miss Raby, she said. Mrs. Creddle is such a
comfortable person when one is in trouble. I'm sure Mrs. Bradford will
be glad to have her.
I'll come back as soon as I have let Lillie know, if there is
anything I can do. I can easily get some other girl to take my place,
No, thank you. Really, there is nothing you can do, said Laura.
You see, there is the nurse and Miss Panton, and myself; besides your
aunt, if she comes. We should only run over each other.
Laura's voice was no less pleasant than before, but Caroline felt
dismissed. The vague impression of that first, odd moment became
startlingly vivid again. But even now she could not be sure that it was
not all imaginationthe effect of her own self-consciousness, after
what had passed between herself and Laura's lover.
As she walked down the drive she saw the jobbing gardener had
returned and was continuing to lay sods on the ground where the privet
hedge had been. The thought passed through her mind that it looked like
a new grave fresh sodded. Then she began to plan in her mind what she
should say to Aunt Creddle, and to picture how that good-hearted woman
would take it. At last she remembered her declaration only a few hours
agocould it be only a few hours ago?that she would never enter
Uncle Creddle's house again.
Now, it did not seem to matter. The heat of her pride and anger had
died down and she began to see that her love for Godfrey was too deep
to be destroyed by anger or even contempt. He had planted it in her
heart and she must carry it about always. Neither of them by any act of
theirs could take it away from her.
But she was not actively and vitally miserable. Her being was simply
soaked in a dull unhappiness which made her quite indifferent to the
healthy pricking of small annoyances, so that when Mr. and Mrs. Graham
passed her with the barest of cold salutations, and never stopped to
ask for news, even at this sad crisis, she did not care.
She was finding out the truth of what Miss Panton had said in the
kitchen of the cottagethat every time a human being really feels it
does not matter, he or she has a bitter foretaste of death, which is
what makes this of all emotions the most truly sad.
Even when she reached Aunt Creddle's, whose words and exclamations
fell about her ears like hail, she remained the samedelivering her
message, then going on at once to take her place in the pay-box.
Lillie had already heard the news and was rather shocked that she
should wish to remain. Anybody can see you've been crying. Now, don't
you think about me, Carrie. I don't mind stopping a bit.
No, thanks, I'd rather be here. After all, it's my job. And they
don't want methere are plenty there without me, said Caroline.
But Lillie urged her at least to go somewhere and have a nice hot
cup of tea and a rest, even if she were not needed at the Cottage; then
at last departed, rebuffed and slightly irritated.
Caroline sat down on the chair; but she did not take up her
knitting, though the rain now fell heavily, persistently, and fewer
people than ever passed through the barrier. She remained there with
her hands idle, her eyes fixed on the expanse of sea that stretched out
before her, so full of buoyant life, the spray from the breakers blown
back like smoke in the wind under the swiftly-moving grey clouds.
After a while the handful of people who had been listening to the
concert in the hall came out into the rain, shouting remarks to each
other above the gale. Windiest place in England! Very bracing,
thoughtoo bracing for my taste!
A little later members of the band scurrying back to their lodgings:
then utter silence, but for the sound of the wind and sea. But just
before Lillie was due back again the weather cleared a littlebetween
majestic clouds sweeping along like galleons, appeared a stretch of
pure blue sky.
Perhaps it was some association of childhood, some impression she
had gained, then, from a hymn speaking of death; but that bright blue
sky made her suddenly think with an acute vividness of the woman who
was dead. Where was Miss Ethel? What was she doing now?
Caroline's eyes remained fixed on the blue, but her mind had gone
searching into the unknown; she was really groping her way, for the
first time, across the barriers that lie between this life and the life
of the world to come. Her soul really was trying to follow the soul of
one already on the other side. Thus, strangely, it was Miss
Ethelbuffeted and overcome by changewho led Caroline to this first
glimpse of the unchanging.
But these things do not become a conscious part of experience until
long afterwards; so Caroline went home to her tea without knowing what
had happenedonly thinking rather more regretfully and kindly than
before about Miss Ethel.
Chapter XXI. St. Martin's
The storm gave place to still weather the day before Miss Ethel's
funeral. But that was all now over, so was the Sunday morning sermon
wherein the Vicar referred to the good works of the departed, and
during which members of the congregation felt for their
pocket-handkerchiefs who had not troubled to go near the Cottage for
months, or perhaps years.
Though this had happened some days ago the fine weather still held,
and Laura had persuaded Mrs. Bradford to come down to the now deserted
promenade for a little change of scene. They sat silent on the long
bench; Mrs. Bradford a little overdone in her heavy black clothes on
such an unexpectedly warm morning, and Laura looking at a sea which
once more broke in harmless little glittering waves on the firm sand.
The storm had dashed the water right up to the sea-wall, washing away
all traces of the Thorhaven season from that part of the shore, while
on the promenade itself butterflies fluttered among the flower beds
devastated by wind and rain. Far away down the beach, she saw the
donkeys which had been ridden by children all the summer to the
hootings of donkey boys, but they now plodded sedately with gravel in
panniers on their backs up the cliff path, just as their ancestors had
done for centuries past. It seemed really as if some power too immense
for constant interference had grown suddenly tired of bands, visitors,
tents, buckets and spades, and had swept them all away with a gesture,
leaving only the stretch of shore; much as it was before Thorhaven
existed, and as it would be when Thorhaven was under the sea like the
other village beyond, which coast erosion had taken.
Perhaps Laura may have found this contrast between permanence and
fleetingness depressing; anyway, her face was sad as she sat quietly
there, looking in front of her. After a while she turned round to look
inland, where the hall and the café and the pay-box were all shuttered
and closedalready appearing somehow desolate. Then Mrs. Bradford,
having regained her breath, felt that gratitude made a remark
Your loss is my gain, my dear, she said. If you had not put off
your wedding again, you would not be here to keep me company. When is
it to be now?
The blood deepened in Laura's face right up to the roots of her
hair, but she smiled and answered easily: Oh, no exact time has been
Ah, well; I daresay you are right. You can't enjoy anythingeven
getting marriedwhen you are in bad health. I was told the
postponement might have something to do with Godfrey's financial
difficulties, Mrs. Bradford added, but I felt sure there was nothing
in that report. Still she glanced curiously at the girl by her side.
No, it was not that. Laura paused, then went on: Every business
man who is making his way occasionally takes on more business than he
has capital for. But I am sure he will get through all right. It was
I'm glad of that, I'm sure, said Mrs. Bradford. Then she lowered
her voice confidentially: But if I were you, I should see that my own
money was securely tied up. Godfrey may be a Wilson, but he is human. I
know poor Ethel would not have said this to you, because she always
thought so much of the family. I don't blame herpoor Ethel!but
being married naturally gives one a wider view. And having thus
triumphed over Miss Ethel, even in her grave, Mrs. Bradford relapsed
into silence. Laura seemed equally inclined to sit quiet, so nothing
more was said for a considerable time. At last three girls came walking
briskly along the promenade, stimulating a further effort at
I'm glad Caroline has decided to stay with us until our things are
sold, said Mrs. Bradford.
Yes. She has been very obliging, said Laura. Then Mrs. Bradford's
thoughts went evenly inward again. I have arranged to keep my own
chair. The proprietress of the boarding-house at Scarborough has been
very obliging about having it placed in a corner out of the draught.
They like a permanent boarder who is well recommended, and I shall be
quite comfortable so long as I have my own chair in a nice corner, and
my book and my knitting. You see, the sale of the house and furniture
will enable me to take a good room on the first floor. I have no doubt
I shall be all right thereshe pausedas right as I can be now,
that is to say, she added, her lip trembling.
During the silence which followed, the three girls passed once
moreheads erect and neatly-shod feet stepping lightly on the hard
path. Mrs. Bradford looked after them with a sort of dull aversion.
Two of those girls' mothers were in service. Why aren't they?
I suppose they prefer other employment, said Laura.
They'd be far better off in domestic service. Now they are only
doing what men can do. But men can't do what the girls' mothers used to
do, said Mrs. Bradford. I can't see that they are doing any good in
the world at all.
Can't you? Laura hesitated a moment, piecing together her own
thoughts. Well, do you know, Mrs. BradfordI didn't think of it
beforebut I really do believe girls like those are achieving
something rather wonderful, after all. I believe they are reaching up
to a stage of manners and speech which will soon cause them to merge
with the girls of our own class, so that you can't feel any difference.
Then we shall get the real equality which people are always talking
about. They're doing it the right way, too, levelling up, not levelling
Oh! Is that how you look at Caroline? said Mrs. Bradford.
Laura waited for a moment. Yes, she said then, Caroline is one of
those I mean.
Mrs. Bradford relapsed into silence again, and they sat so for a
long time. Then Laura rose abruptly: Oh, here are the Grahams! Do let
us move on.
Mrs. Bradford also rose, impelled by the urgency of her companion's
tone, but wondering in her dull way what it was that made Laura turn so
red, and seem so anxious to get away all of a sudden. Surely Laura
could not have quarrelled with the Grahams? Then being very
curiouslike the majority of stupid peopleshe sat obstinately down
again. I must have a word or two with Mr. and Mrs. Graham, she said.
They have been so kind. But don't you wait, Laura, unless you like. I
dare say you have other things to do.
Oh no, I am not busy this morning: besides, it is too late to do
anything now before lunch. And she also sat down again.
The Grahams came up and immediately began to explain in subdued
tones about Mr. Graham's sore throat, which was so bad on the day of
the funeral that his wife absolutely threatened to lock the front door
if he attempted to attend. It was equally unfortunate that one of Mrs.
Graham's prostrating sick headaches obliged her husband to forbid her
paying that last token of respect and affection to dear Miss Ethel.
Mrs. Bradford murmured a vague reply, wiping her eyes, and saying
that the cross of early chrysanthemums was very beautifulit was nice
of them to remember that poor Ethel liked chrysanthemums. Then after a
pause she mentioned the delicious fruit and potted meats which the
Grahams had sent her almost daily, for indeed they were very kind when
it did not hurt them.
Laura said little, but the occasion was not one for discussing her
affairs, so that denoted nothing; and very soon the Grahams went off,
without satisfying Mrs. Bradford's curiosity in any way.
* * * * * *
Mrs. Bradford's legs retained the same inability to do anything
their owner did not wish as had distinguished them during Miss Ethel's
lifetime, so towards sunset she sent Caroline to do various errands in
As the girl went along, she had on her right the old grey tower of
the church standing with a sort of noble repose against the red and
orange sunset. It made her think of Miss Ethel, laid to rest in the old
churchyard in the middle of the villageamong friends and neighbours
of her youth. The churchyard was now only used by those who had the old
family graves there, so that Caroline had never been at a funeral
exactly like Miss Ethel's before, and those in the new cemetery had not
made the same impression on her mind.
But her attention was diverted now by the sight of the carrier with
his trolley, who had brought her box to the Cottage that day in the
spring. And as she began to run after him, her flying figure was caught
here and there by the glow of the sunset, giving her a slight momentary
resemblance to the nymph on fire that Wilson's fancy had once seen in
Wilson, himself, may even have been reminded of this as he stood
looking after her; but he turned up the road leading to Laura Temple's,
and Caroline remained unaware that he had been anywhere near.
She had a long run before the carrier heard her calling: then he
pulled up his old white horse and waited at the top of the little hill,
the air about them seeming almost iridescent with the gold and red of
the autumn sunset shining through it.
Here you are again, then, he said as she came up. Where do you
want your box moved to this time? You see, you stopped on at the
Cottage, after all.
I'm not going yetnot for another fortnight. She was panting
slightly, a little out of breath. I want you to take a typewriter for
me to Mr. Wilson's lodgings. It's one he left at the Cottage for me to
All right. I'll call round to-morrow, he replied.
Oh! I do wish you could come to-night, she said. I particularly
want it to go back to-night.
The carrier laughed good-naturedly, looking down at her. Oh, that's
it, is it? he said. Well, you're in the right on it. One lass is
enough for any man. Gee-up. And he shouted back as he went: I'll call
round in an hour or so.
Caroline stood still in the road as he jolted round out of sight,
forgetting to move, her bodily sensations all swamped by the tumult of
her mind. How dare he say such a thing! she said to herself; then she
burst forth, aloud: I aren't going to have it. I aren't going
to have it!
But behind all that, she felt the iron touch of reality. Life was
not to be as she wanted it, just because she was herselfas she had
felt in the past. No matter how she might rebel, she'd got to
have it. The people in Thorhaven must pity her or laugh at her as
they liked: she could not prevent them from destroying the steps she
had hewn with such careful pains on the side of that steep hill which
led to everything she desired. With all her fun and easy friendliness
she had always kept herself a little nicea little carefully
unsmirchedholding her head up among the other girls And now they
had the laugh of her. Now, she thoughtstanding there, digging her
finger-nails into her palmsnow they'd giggle and talk about her as
they did about all those others who had been made fools of and left in
the lurch. And she could not get away from it all. Despite her fine
talk about never entering Uncle Creddle's house again, she had found
that it would be literally impossible to live in Flodmouth on what she
earned at first, and she would be obliged to lodge with Aunt Creddle,
going in and out by train every day.
Suddenly, the thought swept over her of how she had gloried in the
idea of travelling with the other girls who were off to places of
business in Flodmouthall so neat, and nicely dressed, and so
independent. Now that was spoilt, like everything else.
Then the sudden hooting of a motor-bicycle caused her to start
aside, and Wilf careered pastcap correctly poised, slim young body
bent forward. The next moment, he swerved round with a dash and swirl,
Hello! hello! You'll be getting run down one of these days! But it
was to show his new motor-bicycle, and what he had gained by her
turning him down, as well as what she had lost.
Caroline was conscious of his triumphant attitude, though she only
felt a sort of incredulous wonder that she could ever have thought of
him as a lover. It seemed, somehow, to have happened in another life,
so far off it appeared from her present experiences.
After that two girls whom she knew passed, laughing and talking
together on the other side of the road, and she immediately felt sure
that they were making fun of her. No doubt it was all over the town
that she had been carrying on with Wilsona man just about to be
married to Miss Temple, whom everybody respected and liked. There would
be no pity thereonly contempt. So she called out good night and
went on as fast as she could, fancying what the girls were saying to
each other. Well, I wouldn't have done such a thing! And I
never reckoned to be as particular as Carrie Raby. But pride will have
She could almost hear them say it as she hurried on, her ambition as
well as her love so deeply wounded that she could scarcely bear
herself. Revolting, fightinghaving to find out with exasperated agony
like every one else that those who fight against destiny only hurt
themselves. But as she passed the short street leading to the promenade
a strong current of sea-air blew down it and she turned her hot face
towards the breeze, looking up towards the pay-box which stood silent
and deserted in the fading light. It took on for her now that strange
quality which belongs to places where we have felt a great dealas if
the walls had absorbed some of the currents of emotion which had been
given out there. She both loved the little wooden erection, and longed
never to see it again. Beyond it, the Flamborough lights swung out
across the sea: whitewhitered. How unhappy life was! And contempt
did not kill love, as she had always understood from the novels in the
pretty paper covers which she liked to read so much. It had killed
trust; but the ache in her went on just the same, even though Godfrey
had been threatened by Uncle Creddle with a big stick, and had shown
such a cowardly anxiety to escape a row.
She drew in deep breaths of the salt aircold, invigorating as it
always was here after sunset on the warmest days; and all her mind was
bent on despising him as he deserved. She tried to put her contempt
into words, so as to make it more real. He's no good. I'm well rid of
him. I wouldn't have anything to do with him now, not if he were to
crawl after me on his hands and knees from here to Flamborough.
But the silence of the evening gave back an answer which she was
obliged to hear in her heart; and she told herself, though with less
certainty: I won't care; I will end by not caring. He's
not worth it.
But at last she did manage to flick the raw place until she was
really bitter against him. For the sudden thought came to her that he
dare not have behaved to a girl of his own sort in the same way as he
had done to her. It was because he looked down on her that he could do
Then she saw the two girls coming her way down the road again, and
hurried up the side street in order to escape them. But they followed,
evidently going to the promenade, so she turned down to the shore where
she was certain of being alone at this season and this hour. As she
went along, a most vivid sense of this waste of her youth's bright
happiness came across her. I will forget him! I aren't going
to be made miserable just by falling in love, she said to herself,
half sobbinga little figure running along through the twilight by the
edge of the sea like a leaf driven by the wind, flinging defiance at
the god of love whom no change can displace.
Chapter XXII. Morning
It was two days later, and Caroline was going down to cash a cheque
for Mrs. Bradford. There had been a slight touch of frost in the night,
and the atmosphere was so rarified this morning that every object
seemed to meet the eye with equal distinctnesswith the effect,
somehow, of a Dutch painting. A little black dog jumping up excitedly
outside the fishmonger's, a woman in the doorway of the little toy-shop
taking down a bundle of wooden spades, a red-faced farmer getting out
of his trap at the bankall looked equally clear, lacking the usual
hazy effect of the damp air. It was partly for this reason, perhaps,
that Caroline felt as if everybody were pressing round her, and trying
to read her thoughts. Though the toy-shop woman called out a pleasant
good morning, after her habit, Caroline thought she peered curiously
from behind her grove of spades, and that she was no doubt wondering
what it felt like to be made the talk of the placeespecially by a
gentleman who allowed stout, middle-aged Mr. Creddle to threaten
horse-whipping with impunity. Then in going past the fish-shop, the
very cod seemed to turn a contemptuous, lack-lustre eye upon her, as if
they also said to each other: There goes the girl who was made a fool
of by a man who never really meant to marry her.
But it was the worst when she caught sight of the hoarding on the
little Picture Hall. For suddenly the phrase which she had seen there
on the film flashed across her mind with such vividness that it seemed
to be written in dancing, bright letters across the sunshiny street: I
swear I want to marry you.
She felt dizzy, then it passed. It was true enough, of course. Men
did always say that, as Aunt Creddle had told her. She was only one of
the millions of silly girls so easily deceived. And she went down the
street, feeling that from every eye streamed out a baleful ray which
reached and hurt the sore place in her heart.
At last she came to the bank; and the farmer was there at the
counter, pushing his notes across grudginglyas does the man of all
nations who has wrung his hard living out of the soil. I hate these
no-ates, he was saying. They do-an't seem like money. But I doubt
they'll last my da-ay.
His drawl seemed to go in and out of Caroline's thoughts, soothing
her while she waited; then she heard a door open beyond the counter and
saw Laura come forth, attended by the bank-manager, and wearing a
jaded, excited look, as if she had been through a difficult interview
in which she had at last come off triumphant. On catching sight of
Caroline she flushed deeply, hesitating for a second, then coming
forward with hand outstretched. Oh, I was wanting to see you, Miss
Caroline wondered why Laura should look like that on unexpectedly
meeting her, if this were so; but the farmer went out and his place at
the counter was now clear. Laura, however, followed her, saying in a
low tone: Is Mrs. Bradford at home this morning?
No, said Caroline, she has gone to see Mrs. Graham.
Ah, I thought so. She paused. Are you going straight home?
Yes, at least, I have only one other errand, said Caroline. With
that she turned to the man behind the counter who was waiting to
transact her business, and Laura went out of the bank.
Caroline walked home, thinking once or twice about the incident, for
Laura's manner seemed odd if she only wanted to know whether Mrs.
Bradford were at home or not. Then about an hour later, when she was
near a front window, she chanced to see Laura coming up the drive. So
going to the door; she said at once: I'm sorry, but Mrs. Bradford has
not come in yet. Do you care to leave a message?
As Laura stood there hesitating, that odd mixture of maturity and a
sort of girlish angularity in her appearance became unusually marked.
Nono message. II think I will just come in.
But I am afraid Mrs. Bradford may be some time, said Caroline.
Laura looked at her as if seeking something in her face, then
repeated awkwardly: Oh! I think I will just come in.
So Caroline led the way to the sitting-room, but just as she was
about to go, Laura said quickly: I suppose you like the idea of
working at an office?
Oh yes; I think it will be all right, thank you, said Caroline,
moving on towards the door all the time. She did not want to stay in
the same room with this girl who was to marry Godfrey. Let them marry
and be happy, so far as she was concerned; but she did not want to have
anything to do with either of them again.
Then she went through the door, but before she was across the hall
she heard Laura's voice raised on a sort of high, breathless note
calling after her: Don'tdon't go, yet. Iwe so seldom have a chat.
Thisthis must have been a most trying time for you.
Caroline went back and stood just within the door, her small face
pale and rather severe. What did this girl want of her? For she could
see that there was something behind those halting words which Laura
felt either afraid or ashamed to say. She would not help by a single
word. No, not though the kind brown eyes began to distress her a
little, like those of a dog with a hurt paw.
I suppose office work is really what you like best? said Laura
nervously. You think you will really enjoy it? Youshe drew a breath
and plunged, as it wereyou have no idea of getting married at
No, said Caroline, speaking with fair composure, though her own
nerves began to quiver and she breathed rather quickly. For this was
what Laura had come for, then! She had heard tales and wanted to find
out if they were true.
Welllet her! For one second a great temptation assailed Caroline.
She stood there in the doorway, with the power of happiness or
unhappiness in her hands, knowing perfectly well that she had only to
tell the actual, unvarnished truth as it had actually happened for
Godfrey's chance of a rich wife, and Laura's chance of a probably
successful marriage to vanish in less time than you could open and shut
But the next moment it was all over. She knew, with a just pride,
that she could never do a mean trick like that: it was not in her. When
the room, which had gone a little dim, grew clear again, she heard
herself continuing, as if it were somebody else: I'm sure I shall
enjoy being on my own. I'd rather keep myself than be dependent on any
man. You can do as you like. It's better than getting married.
But nothing is better than marriage with the right man, said
Laura. She was still looking intently at Caroline; still seeming all
the time to have something behind her words which hovered but remained
unspoken. Then, suddenly her eyes filled with tears.
Caroline looked away, perplexed and troubled. I'm afraid Mrs.
Bradford may not be in for some time.
Laura rose in a hesitating fashion. Do you think so? Well, I
suppose I had better go. Mrs. Bradford will be glad when the sale is
over. She will be happier in a boarding-house at Scarborough.
They were at the front door now; and to avoid looking at each other
they both glanced at the man who was wheeling a barrow-load of building
implements in from the field across the place where the privet hedge
used to be.
I suppose that is for the improvements to the Cottage? said Laura,
who seemed as if she could not go and yet did not really want to stay.
Yes. They begin altering the outside buildings before the sale,
said Caroline; but all the time she was asking within herself: What is
it? What is it?
Again they looked at the man, who was now trudging back over the
Poor Miss Ethel! said Laura. She would not have liked that, would
Caroline shook her head, not speakingit was all so curiously far
off from what they were both thinking about that words only seemed to
echo from a distance. There have to be changes, she said at last,
growing afraid of the pause lest it should imply too much.
Well, Miss Ethel always hated change, said Laura. Then her
expression began to alter curiously under Caroline's eyesbecoming
charged, as it were, with an inner radiance that shone right through
the outer dullness, or embarrassment, or sadnesswhatever there might
be. At any rate, she has gone where things are certain.
Caroline's heart beat fast with the sudden impact of discovery.
Laura, too, then! They were both just like people hanging on to a spar
in a rough sea and hoping to be thrown on shore at last. That was what
life was, even when you were going to be married to the man of your
choice. But the expression of Laura's faceor was it that thought of a
rough sea?had in some way brought back that time in the pay-box after
Miss Ethel's death, when Caroline herself had looked up at the blue sky
breaking through the grey. Once more she tried to grope across the
barrier between the seen and the unseen.
What was there after all? Then a line of one of those Sunday-school
hymns floated across her mindOh, Thou that changest notAnd the
thought of Miss Ethel on the stairs with that heavy pail in her hand.
But the thoughts passed so quickly that Laura had not noticed the
pause. I like to fancy Miss Ethel in a place where things don't
change. It makes you think, when somebody you know goes And
Caroline saw Laura felt the same; was drawn more closely in touch with
this eternity to which Miss Ethel had just gone over.
Then a man over in the field shouted loudly to his mate. Both girls
glanced, half startled, in that direction, and when they looked at each
other again the mental atmosphere had quite altered.
Well, I must be going, said Laura.
But it was still so evident she had left something unsaid, that
Caroline remained half-consciously expectant in the doorway. And a few
steps down the drive Laura did suddenly stop short, pause a moment and
return with quick, nervous steps. Oh, by the way, I suppose you won't
know that my engagement with Mr. Wilson is broken off?
For a momentan ageCaroline's throat seemed to dry up, and she
felt like a person in a nightmare struggling to make a sound which will
not come. Then, out of all the turmoil of questions, fears, emotions
that Laura's words had caused to seethe within her, she was only able
to bring to the surface: II didn't know.
No? Laura paused. Well, you'll tell Mrs. Bradford I have
been And she hurried away down the drive; but she had not yet lost
that air of having left something unsaid which she had come on purpose
Caroline could see her near the gate, then paused a moment as at the
approach of voices; and the next minute Mr. and Mrs. Graham came in,
accompanying Mrs. Bradford. Their attitudes were most plainly visible
to Caroline in the doorway, though she could not hear what was said;
Mrs. Bradford solidly engrossed in her own importance as a mournerMr.
Graham bending forward to speak to Laura, conciliatory, voluble; and
Laura herself unresponsive.
Caroline gave a last look at them before going indoors to take the
potatoes from the fire; and as she did so, she experienced one of those
sudden, blindingly clear moments of intuition common to almost every
one, in which the processes of fact, argument, reason are all skipped,
and the knowledge is there, full blown. She knew perfectly well that
Mr. and Mrs. Graham had felt it their solemn duty to inform Laurawith
the best intentionsof what was being said about Godfrey Wilson and
the girl on the promenade.
But before she had time to turn away the group dissolved, Laura
going on alone, while Mrs. Bradford and Mrs. Graham came up the drive.
The picture bit like acid into her mind. The three coming up the path;
the clear sky; the man with the barrow wheeling cement over the forlorn
dismantled part of the garden where the privet hedge had been.
But in the kitchen, while she was taking the potatoes from the
steamer, her face suddenly flushed crimson. I aren't going to be
frightened, she murmured to herself. I aren't going to care what
anybody says. She would never break off her engagement because of a bit
of scandal. She's not that sort. They'll be married, all right.
Beneath her defiance, however, Caroline was terribly afraid. She
sub-consciously so dreaded the agony she must endure if he did come
after her again and she had to send him away. For that was what she
would do. Never for one second did she waver in her determination to
have no more to do with a man who could behave as he had done. She
couldn't help loving him, but she could help trusting him with her
Mrs. Bradford appeared, black and bulky in the kitchen doorway. Oh,
Caroline And her voice, though heavy and rather husky, put the
same immeasurable distance between Caroline and every Wilson in the
world as Miss Ethel's clear tones, speaking the same words, had always
done. I am expecting Mr. Wilson on business after tea. Will you show
him into the breakfast-room if you have not gone out when he comes?
Caroline murmured acquiescence, angry to feel herself blushing; and
when she looked up Mrs. Bradford's little eyes were fixed on her with
the insatiable curiosity of the dull; so she looked steadily down again
at the bowl of potatoes. After a pause that seemed very long, she heard
the pad-pad-pad of a heavy, elderly woman's walk sounding along the
Mrs. Bradford, waiting for her lunch, also looked at the wheel-marks
left by the passing of the workman's barrow over the place where the
privet hedge used to be. She might not like it, but she was without
that fiery hatred of change which did actually release Miss Ethel's
spirit for its escape to certainty.
Chapter XXIII. On the
Mrs. Bradford was timid about being alone in the house after sunset
since her sister's death, so Caroline usually went out between tea and
early supper. On this occasion she hurried off directly tea was over,
in her anxiety to avoid a possible meeting with Godfrey. She did not
even wait to go upstairs and change her dress, but kept on the old
blouse and skirt she had been wearing beneath her overall, put on an
old garden hat and ran down the drive, fearing all the time to hear
Mrs. Bradford calling from the doorway.
However, she reached the road in safety, thankful that there was now
no chance of being obliged to usher in Godfrey with Mrs. Bradford's
dull rather malicious gaze fixed on her. But even while she waited a
second, out of breath, she caught sight of his figure coming along the
road from the town, and hurried on again towards the cliff top. There
was the bench on which she had sat that moonlight night with Godfrey,
when it seemed to her that they could love each other for ever just the
same, no matter what might divide them. She had been filled then with
the exultation which is so difficult to distinguish at the time from
happinesswhich seems so independent of human accidenta joy never to
be assailed by common experience.
But all that had gone. Now she was going down the rough, muddy path
on the side of the clay cliffslipping, making her shoes and skirt
dirty, grasping at the wiry grass as she slipped and not caringsimply
because she wanted to escape any chance of meeting the same man who had
inspired those wonderful emotions. The contrast seemed to hit a blow on
her heart, even though she was not going to let it hurt her any more.
But at last she reached the bottom, and stood for a moment to rest.
The sea, heaving with a strong ground-swell, reflected the pale blue
of the sky in millions of pools of light on the dun-coloured surface.
She was not conscious of looking at it, but she had a feeling of
freshness and consolationof freedom from herself. The truth was that,
without knowing it, she had made a friend of the sea. She had done so
during all those hours in the pay-box on the promenade when she endured
that hard spiritual experience which turns people from children into
men and womenand the sea remains faithful.
After resting a moment or two she walked on, her path skirting the
wet sea-weed which showed that there had been heavy weather outside the
bay. The brown streamers had blue lights on them like the sea and the
sand was firm and hard. A thick froth churned up from the deeps rested
among the sea-weed, or blew along the shore in front of her before the
She inhaled the smell of fresh sea-weednot exactly noticing it,
but with her senses influenced by it, as a person's may be by the heavy
scent of roses on a June evening. Less than ever was she going to give
in because she had to do without love. There were plenty of things in
life besides love
Then, as if in answer to that defiance, she saw part of a man's
shadow thrown by the westering sun on the sand before her. She swerved
sharp roundnot startlednot afraid; but filled with an extraordinary
fury against Godfrey which may have been partly caused by these
How dare you come creeping up after me on the sand like that? she
said. Which way are you going? Tell me, and then I'll go the other.
He looked down at her with amusement and ardour in his glance; but
all the same he bore the marks of some storm only just over in the
strained lines of his face, and in the marks of sleeplessness under his
You won't get rid of me so easily as that, he said. I have come
here to talk things out with you, and I mean to do it.
She turned back towards the promenade. Of course, I can't prevent
you walking with me if you will, she answered. But it was because she
felt that her curiosity might betray her that she desperately slammed
the door of opportunity in his face by adding: I suppose you know you
are safe here to worry me as much as you like. You won't come across
Uncle Creddle on the sands.
Your uncle He was rather thick-skinned and flushed seldom, but
he did so now, growing crimson to the edge of the cap pulled down over
his forehead. Oh! I see. So you actually believed I was afraid. Turn
round! He took her arm and made her face him. Now! Do I look as if I
should be afraid to fight old Creddle? She obstinately refused to
answer, and he went on, still holding her: You know I should not. I
was thinking of you, and you only. Do you realize what people say about
a girl when her nearest male relative breaks, or even tries to break a
big stick over her lover's back? Well, I wasn't going to have anything
of that sort said about you, Carrie.
You were very thoughtful about my reputation all of a sudden, said
Caroline. She paused, but the words had to come. It was not because
you wanted to keep any talk from getting to Miss Laura's ears, I
The question was a sneer, but it was there, all the same; she had
had to ask it. And now her whole being hung trembling on the answer,
though she was no less grimly resolved than before to have done with a
man whom she could not trust. But now he did not reply; and that
burning urge of curiosity made Caroline go onagainst better judgment,
intention, pride: Does she know?
He released Caroline's arm at once and walked on. Let us leave her
out of the discussion, he said stiffly. I was just about to tell you
that our engagement is broken off.
But Caroline could not understandany more than the majority of
womenthe feeling which makes a decent man reluctant to discuss an old
love with a new one, and she was now easily able to speak as coldly as
she wished. I've heard that piece of news, she said.
He turned sharp round. Why, who told you? It only happened last
Miss Laura told me, she answered.
What more did she tell you? he asked quickly.
He looked away from her to the sea without replying, and this was
her chance to walk away, if she had wished; but there was still that
question which she must have answered.
Has Miss Laura heard anything about us? Was that why the engagement
was broken off?
He waited a moment. No, he said. After all, you have a right to
know that you had nothing to do with it. Nothing. She had never heard a
word about you and me until I told her myself; and that was after our
engagement was broken off.
Then why did you? She paused, so filled with all sorts of
conflicting desires and emotionslonging to know, and yet passionately
telling herself it didn't matter to herthat she had lost all
certainty in herself, and her voice came sharp and tremulous.
She simply threw me over, he said at last. Found out she didn't
like the idea of married life, though she was very fond of me. I
suppose there are women like that in every civilized community. No
doubt if she were a Roman Catholic she would be a nun, and she would be
a good one. She's good all through. I realize that, in spite of what
Caroline looked at him as he faced the sea in the strong lightat
his heavy features, his broadly set figure, his whole air of knowledge
and virility and strength. Then the words fluttered up into her throat
without any volition of her own: Oh, you well may think her good! You
For in that moment she guessed what Laura had come to tell her but
had not been able to say after all. That heavenly kindness of Laura's
was actually deep enough and real enough to make her spare her lover
the knowledge of how he had wounded her. It was clear enough that
shewho always seemed so easy and simplehad detected the first
little change in him when he became attracted to Caroline. So she had
put off her wedding to make sure, and she had become sure.
Caroline opened her lips to say with passion: Can't you see
what she did it for? But before the words left her lips, there came
into her mind a memory of Laura's face as it looked when she left the
door of the Cottage, which was so vivid as to be almost an illusion.
Now she knew what the anxious, uncertain gaze of those brown eyes into
her own had really meant.
Laura had been trying to say all the time: Don't tell him! don't
tell him! But the complexities involved had been too great, when it
came to the point, for anything to be actually said.
Caroline waited to get back her self-command, stirred by a sudden
loyalty to her own sex which made her long to pierce his masculine
obtusenessto show him what Laura had sacrificed and what he had
missed. And as he watched her, he wondered once more at the quality of
aloofnessof something fresh and cool despite her passionwhich had
caused him to think of a nymph on fire when he first held her in his
Well? he said at last. It's all right now, isn't it?
She shook her head. I'm not going to begin that all over again,
she said rather drearily. You made me look silly once, but you won't
have a chance a second time. So long as you thought you might marry
Miss Laura, you were afraid of the talk and kept out of my way. Now she
has turned you down, you come after me again. I don't know why. Just
for your own fun, I suppose. You can't deny you avoided me.
No. He stood with his hands thrust deep into his pockets. I
don't. But I was in a devil of a hole, Caroline. I was engaged to marry
a good girl, and a nice girl, and shortly after the wedding day was
fixed I did a thing which only a cad would have done. He paused,
Caroline gazing at him with wide eyes. Then he went on: I borrowed a
large sum of money from her.
Is that all? breathed Caroline. I don't see what difference that
Don't you? Well, perhaps notbut any man would, he answered. I
was faced with ruin unless I could tide things over, and I couldn't
take the money and be philandering with another girl at the same time.
You didn't seem to hold those views until the last week or two,
I had not borrowed the money before, he said shortly. Though I
knew well enough I was not doing the square thing there, either by you
She looked at him with a keen, set, impersonal intentness in her
gaze which he could not understand. Then you are sure she does not
care enough for you to marry you? She threw you over because she wanted
to stop single?
No doubt of that, he said with a sort of rueful conviction.
Though, of course, being the girl she is, she was frightfully upset at
the idea of behaving badly to me. As a matter of fact, she seemed so
distressed during the whole interview that I couldn't help feeling
ashamed of myself. I couldn't let her reproach herself so acutely; I
had to tell her II wasn't broken-hearted.
She would wonder why, didn't she? said Caroline, in a tone which
he could not understand.
Yes, he answered. So I told her.
What did you say?
He waited a moment, looking down at the slim figure outlined darkly
against the immense radiance of the sea. But he did not touch her. This
was a different thing indeed from that hot wooing on the top of the
I told her, he answered bluntly, at last, that I was in love with
you and wanted to marry you.
And she? Caroline did not respond any more than that;
incredibly, to him, she was still thinking about Laura And he stood
looking at her with the same odd mixture of curiosity and desire which
had all along marked his pursuit of her, though beneath it there was
now something deeper, more human, more permanent. He wanted to know
But even when he did know, she would be hishis to take care of and
fight for and help up in the world.
At last he gave the answer she was waiting for. Laura took it quite
differently from what I expected, he said. She was awfully decent
about it. I think she was relieved, in a way, to find she had not got
me on her mind. She must have been afraid I should be very unhappy, of
course. She would always be so sorry about anything like that, that I
wonder she had the heart to throw me over, even though she didn't want
Caroline said nothing. Oddly enough, though she had not heard the
sound of the waves before, the melancholy swish! swish! now echoed
through her very soul. When she felt a salt taste on her lips she
thought it was a drop of spray from the sea, then she felt the faint
trickling sensation of another and another running down her cheeks.
Caroline! he said, putting his arm about her and bending his face
to hers. You're crying! What is it, little girl?
She pulled herself away from him, sobbing out with a wild
earnestness which he found incomprehensible: No! No! You can't start
yet. You have her kisses on your mouth yet.
You didn't seem to mind that before, he said, suddenly white with
anger. I don't know why you should start to be jealous of Laura now
everything is over.
I'm not jealous, she said. It is not that. Then she stopped
short. He must believe what he liked, for she could not betray the
secret of a girl whose love, she felt, was finer than her own.
Well, you have no need to be jealous, he said. She spoke nicely
about you. She was awfully decent about it, and hoped you and she would
Oh! I wish we could be, said Caroline, but deep down in her own
consciousness she knew this would never happen; because it is not in
human nature for a woman to cease being jealous of another who has done
more than herself for the man she loves.
He stood there disconsolately, kicking a pebble. He had come
hot-foot to claim her, never anticipating a check; and now she seemed
to be somehow drifting farther and farther away from him.
I don't know if you are still thinking about the money Laura lent
me, he said at last. I begin to wish now I hadn't told you. But I
wanted to have everything quite straight. He paused. As a matter of
fact, I have paid it back. The bank was a bit awkward at first, but I
was able to come to an arrangement with them a day or two ago, and I
have repaid Laura what she lent me. He paused again, looking at her
almost comically: There, I hope you quite understand?
They were indeed talking to each other more like enemies than
lovers; and Caroline seemed to be more than ever withdrawn and
alooffor all her ignorance and simplicity of feelingwhen she
answered him in an inward brooding tone: Yes, I understand. For she
really saw neither Godfrey nor the shore, only Laura coming flushed out
of the door marked Private behind the bank counter. For nowat
lastshe did see where it all led. She had to join issue with Laura to
spare the pride of this man whom both loved. His faith in his own power
of overcoming difficulties was the foundation on which his life was
built, and they must not pull it from under him. She, at any rate,
could not so humiliate him.
The difficulty was only temporary, he went on, trying to find out
what she was waiting for. I tried to do too much business for my
capital. But I'm bound to get on. We shall be all right.
Don't! she said sharply. I don't care about money. I wasn't
thinking about that.
Then what's the matter?
She looked at him dumbly, and something in her tear-stained face
tugged irresistibly at his heartstrings. Don't look like that, he
said. Let's forget all that has happened before. You don't mean you
will turn me down, too?
She shook her head, still unable to keep back the tears.
Then why are you crying? he said, putting his arm round her.
There's nothing to cry for, Carrie. He spoke to her soothingly,
tenderly, as a man might to a child who was in trouble.
Oh, Godfrey! She drew herself away from him once more. I aren't
half as good as her. I aren't half as good as her. You'd have been a
great deal happier and more comfortable with her.
I know that, he said. But I don't want to be happy and
comfortable. I want to live. He caught hold of her hand, which he
crushed so tightly that it hurt. And I want you with me.
They heard a sudden noise from the cliff top where two boys raced
and shouted, so they walked on. Feathery clots of foam blew before them
on the sand, almost as if sea-flowers from the changeless ocean were
being flung in the pathway of that which is unchangeable in human life.
After a while Caroline said with a start, waking out of her dream:
I wonder what Mrs. Bradford will say? But she won't be so upset as
Miss Ethel would have been. She lowered her voice. Do you know what
Miss Panton said it was that actually killed Miss Ethel? It was
everything being so different.
Yes. He paused. Well, thousands of people are dying from the same
cause, I suppose, all over the worldmiddle-aged ones, that is. Then
he strengthened his grasp on her arm. But we're young. We're all
right. Eh, Caroline?